This is a rough draft, and not a complete rewrite. I intend to make this into a series titled "The Squarepants Rewritten Collection" if it gains enough support. With that said. I hope you enjoy this short pilot! (Also, keep in mind this particular fanfic is written like a script for an actual episode. Figured this would be a "breath of fresh format". I'll show myself out...

(Title Card: Breath Of Fresh Squidward)

*Camera zooms in on Squid's house*

Squidward: Another morning, another day of dealing wi-

Spongebob and Patrick: GOOD MORNING, SQUIDWARD!

Squidward: Speak of the devil... wait, why are you two here? And how'd you get into my house!?

Spongebob: Don't worry about it, Squidward! We've been doing this for a while now.

*Cut to a scrapbook with pictures of Squidward sleeping in odd and unusual position*

Squidward: That's... really weird. Anyway, could you two idiots leave? I have to get ready for work!

Patrick: Don't worry, Squidward! Me and Spongebob took care of that for you...

*Timecard labeled "Meanwhile"*

Mr Krabs: Wait! COME BACK!

*Camera cuts to a truck labeled "Free Money"*

Squidward: *Narrows eyes* I don't even want to think about what you two did... Oh well. I suppose I should thank you two for giving me the day off. Breakfast, gentlemen?

Spongebob and Patrick: YES, PLEASE!

*Camera cuts to Squid's kitchen*

Squidward: Alright, you two. I'm going to make breakfast, so just follow one simple rule of mine... DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!

*Cut to Spongebob and Patrick floating levitating*

Squidward: Good.

*Squidward walks offscreen*

Patrick: Spongebob! Look at that fancy toaster!

Spongebob: Patrick, didn't Squidward say to *imitating Squidward* "NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!"?

Patrick: Yeah. But he never said we couldn't touch it with something else.

*Both have sneaky expressions on their faces*

Squidward: Alright, breakfast is do- WAIT DON'T STICK THAT FORK IN THERE!

*Patrick stumbles and the fork falls in the toaster*

All three, while being shocked: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

*All three fall to the ground, charred*

Squidward: Ugh... wait. Hold on a second... I feel... SO COMPASSIONATE!

*Camera cuts to storm clouds inside Squidward's head being replaced by the sun*

Spongebob and Patrick: Enough of the "compassion" garbage already!

*Cut to Spongebob and Patrick, who now have grouchy expressions*

To Be Continued (Read The Note At The Top Of The Page)