Nick and Zoe

Standing outside the ED I felt at home. When I was in America I felt something was missing; something that once filled me with honour, and gave me that adrenalin rush I craved. I worked in an ED in America but it wasn't the same; nothing could ever be the same. Not without them. My friends. The people who stuck by me, the people who covered for me when I was ill and the people who stayed with me when I pushed them away. And not without her. Her. The woman that made me feel things I never felt before. The woman who made me laugh even in the darkest moments. The woman who I would love for eternity and beyond but never say it often enough. The woman I ran away from. The people I left behind without saying a big goodbye. Without giving them notice. I still remember the look on their faces when I broke the news. The look on her face. It broke my heart, but I had to go, I had to leave. I hear an ambulance in the distance and I snap out of my daydream. I hope no one has noticed me, because I want to see her first. I want to see Zoe.

I discretely slip into the ED and see someone stood at reception that I don't notice. She is speaking to a patient and taking their details. She tells the patient to sit down and when he refuses she tells him again but this time with a more commanding voice. She reminds me of Zoe the first time I realised my feelings towards her. I smile at this thought and sneakily pass reception in the direction of my office... Well, my old office. As soon as I pass reception I her someone shout something so I turn around.

'Excuse me? You can't go through there.' The woman from reception shouted. I realised her name tag said Louise so I tried a subtle way to deal with this.

'Well Louise, I have a meeting with a... Dr Hanna?' I said calmly

'Oh, right, well her office is through there' she said pointing at the corridor I was walking through a few minutes ago, 'Do you want me to get someone to take you through?'

'No, no thanks' I said quickly

'Okay, I will tell her your here then. What's your name again?'

'Oh... Just tell her it's the person who needed a woman's touch' I said smiling happily as I remember that day, the flirting, the promise of drinks and our first kiss; the passion and desire for each other finally revealed in an explosive surge of hormones.

'Okay...' Louise said confused at my reply.

As I walked through the corridor leading to Zoe's office I smell that smell that makes me feel relaxed and in control. The smell of antiseptic. The familiar plain walls have had a re-spray of white and more hand sanitizers have been dotted around the hospital. I glide through the corridors knowing exactly where to go, feeling like I never left, and letting my body take me where my heart wants to go.

I reach her office and look at the door. I read Dr. Hanna - Clinical lead and smile thinking about how much she deserves this job. I type in the same code I used and to my surprise it's the same. I open the door and take a deep breath before entering and looking at the office that was once mine. Nothing has changed apart from some scatter cushions that have been thrown on my old sofa, a few different pairs of heels and a big pile of paperwork stacked on the desk. I walk round the desk, brushing my fingers on it as I go. I look at the seat behind the desk. My seat. It hasn't been changed. She kept the chair I loved even though I had been gone for 2 years. I sit in it and instantly felt safe and at ease. I just sat in the chair thinking about all the things I could've done. How I could have came back sooner. How I could have took her with me. But most of all how I could have not left in the first place. I didn't realise how long I'd been sat there but I heard the door open...