Entry I
Heartbreak, I believe that is self explanatory.
Hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned. I am a woman, and I have been scorned.
The one who so "delicately" broke my heart believed that we needed to separate, for they needed "Alone time."
What they really meant was I'm dumping you, for bigger, better things. They just didn't have the courage, to say it so bluntly. Or maybe they cared, once, in the beginning. Or maybe I was just being used.
But what about me?
What about what I need?
I don't need, or want, alone time. I want companionship, trust, understanding... But really, mostly, I want, desire and crave... love!
To be held in the arms of my dearest, be Precious, to someone other then the people who breathed life into me. The person who gave birth to me. Who really treated me like unwanted grime on their shoe, I hold no ill will.
Yet, I need more, I demand more then dime-store flings, with second-hand lovers. Who failed to appreciate all that I am, Im not a prize to be won, or a hot commodity, I am merely ME. Nothing more and nothing less, yet, I continue to feel the less. Just the remittence of a wonderful gown, turned to rags.
They paid no attention to me, i was there to clean wounds. Until i Received my own, becoming no longer useful. I have a history of no longer meeting others expectations. i knew they only cared about their "puddin'," but allowed myself to get sucked in, for a radiant set of eyes and a charming, irresistible smile. oh how much I would love to strangle that creep. And wipe that smug grin right off his face.
He took all I cared for, brutally tearing them away. Who will have the last laugh clown?
ME, with my last breath, I swear, I WILL!
I took them in, when no else would. When a certain "puddin' " tossed them aside, like yesterday's news.
Yet, they couldn't help them self, and returned to the scene of the crime. Caught red handed, only to slide by with a warning.
Because I still love them, and no amount of heartbreak can change that. I truly want them to be happy, I really do.
But don't I deserve to be happy, Couldn't I be happy for once, and why couldn't they be happy with me?
These questions, constantly swirling around, polluting my mind, body and soul. As I doubt myself, replaying each vivid image. Sure that I had done something, or rather failed to do something.
Why couldn't I be good enough?
I have all these unanswered questions,with no solution, And heartache, with no cure.
Where did I go wrong? Why do I have to suffer?
There is no easy solution, but it's just too difficult, I'm lost, confused. With nowhere to run, and no one to turn too.
So what do I do, with no options. And no one to turn to... nothing... I do nothing.
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