Not myself right now
Matt tending Mello's burns.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
I want to be able to be here, but only to help you., I won't be here if the you that I'm helping isn't you. Where's that Fire, Mel? That Spark ? And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Coz your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
The old you is there, under the scars, the tears, the melted chocolate in the corner of your mouth. I KNOW it is.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
I won't say I feel your pain. I feel a hurt that is all too real and agonizing in my chest that is completely my own. You can't be gone... Mell, you can't be.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
You can't have forgotten the childhood tree forts, The beating up of our rival, the stolen sleepovers, fearing being caught by Roger. You can't have forgotten the fumbling kisses, the awkward gropes. You can't have forgotten the sex. Don't tell me I'm forgettable Mel, I can't believe that.
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
How can you not talk? how can you not tell me what the hell happened?! You told me about watching your parents get murdered in front of you, you let me dry your eyes then. Why do you flinch from my hand now? I HATE it Mel, I really do, being a stranger, being looked at like I'm a monster, that I'm about to hurt you. I HATE it.
But you still have all of me
I know I won't leave. You need me. I'm yours.
You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Mell, you're the smartest mother f--er I know. Why in hell I had members of the MAFIA knocking on our door to ask if you were alright astounds me. Mello, what -happened- to you when you were gone. TALK to me, dammnit!
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
I remember how you used to look, Mel. I loved that face, don't doubt it. But this one isn't that bad...I had a dream last night where your skin had melted to reveal the bones. You could be worse off Mel, you really could. I... saw that face...and heard your phone call, the voice reinforcing the panic that hasn't left since the I read the caller ID.
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
I understand that you don't like looking in the mirror, that you hate that it's not closing up as you would like, that you will always have those scars. I'm sure it hurts. But no amount of stolen morphine can make that pain go, so stop trying to OD. and TALK to me soon, dammit.
There's just too much that time cannot erase
You must have things to say. Even if it hurts too much to tell me who did this so you, at least tell me what's happened in all the years since the orphanage. It's not like all those years didn't happen. Where the hell have you -been- for the last half decade?!
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
I do as best as I damn well can under the circumstances, Mello. Even though you flinch, I do wipe away your tears, and let you hold my hand in that once bone crushing but now desperate yet feeble grip when I disinfect your burn. I let you hold it back then, that isn't about to change. Even if you have, even though you're a completely different person.
But you still have all of me
But no matter which Mello you are, I'm still yours, your bitch, you once called me. I'm still here. woof.
I tried so hard to tell myself that your gone,
But though you're still with me, I've been all alone all along
I told myself for five years, five goddamn years, that you were gone, that you were never going to come back. And now I do have you, We're basically -living- together...and it's not you. WTF man?! WTF!
Mello
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
You cry in your sleep Matt. I'm sorry. I know I should talk, but I failed.
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I wish things could go back to the way they were at Wammy's, when I could battle the monster in the closet for you. But I took on the biggest monster, and almost died. I am not the hero anymore.
And I've held your hand through all of these years
I'm glad you let me hold your hand. It lets me feel human again. I know that I'm different, but...
But you still have all of me, me, me, me
I'm just not myself right now.
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