"Why are you doing this?"

The sound of her pleading voice felt like the edge of a sharp knife gliding through his chest. He furrowed his brows in quiet contemplation as he finished up packing the last of his belongings.

"You wouldn't understand," he replied dimly without looking at her. He could only imagine how the look in her eyes would kill him if he tried to face her. This is for the best, he thought grimly.

Turning toward the balcony, he started toward the door with the intention of leaving the castle, leaving Alexandria, leaving her… forever. Before he could even take ten paces she was in front of him, barring him from reaching his predetermined exit. Blue eyes stared down at her with as much malice as he could muster, but in the end all he could put behind the glare looked like mild annoyance. He could never truly look at her with so much anger… not her.

"Please, I'll try to understand. I have a right to know, Zidane." He stiffened at the mention of his name upon her lips. Tears were falling down her cheeks, one drop after another. Her dark, soulful eyes bored into his with an intensity that made him uncomfortable. A flicker of hope crossed her features and he knew that he needed to quell the emotion right away before it could damage her more.

For the next few minutes, he continued to stare at her in silence. The air in the room became stagnant, which made it hard for her to breathe or even think straight. Her hands and forehead were pressed against his chest and she shivered before him. Not long ago, he would have gathered her into his arms and held her with all his might. He would have kissed her tears away and endlessly reassured her that everything was to be alright, but nothing was to be alright again; not now, not ever. He frowned slightly as he firmly gripped her shoulders and pushed her to the side. He wished for her to stay there as he marched over to the French doors that lead out to the balcony. His hand gripped the cool metal of the door handle, but the sound of her voice caught his attention. It was barely above a whisper, but he overheard the words nonetheless.

"Don't you love me anymore?"

Gradually, he turned around to face her. She sat with her legs pulled under her, white dress fanning out on the marble floor. Long, dark brown locks of hair fell all around her as she bowed her head. One hand clutched against her heart as the other steadied herself against the floor. She summoned all of the strength left in her body and forced it into that one arm. It was all that was keeping her upright.

How did this happen, she wondered? Just days ago, she was happy; he was happy. Or, so she thought. Had she missed something? A hint, a whisper, a gesture, a look? When exactly did he stop loving her? Could it be that she didn't give him what he wanted; what he needed? So many thoughts crashed in her mind like waves upon the shore. She swallowed hard and tried her best to raise her head to watch him leave, but her summoned strength was no good. She sunk a little deeper toward the floor, arm shaking, and waited for the sound of his departure. Her stomach twisted itself into knots as sharp pains resounded within her heart.

With a long sigh, he set his things down and slowly made his way to her. Crouching down in front of her form, he gently moved her hair away from her face. He felt a tug in his heart as she moved to lean into his touch. He startled and pulled his hand back. Anger for himself began to bubble up from his stomach and into his throat. He knew he needed to just leave. The longer he stayed the more he knew that his presence was going to cause her anguish. She stiffened at his withdrawal and he watched with sorrow as her body slumped even further toward the floor.

A sob escaped before she could swallow it down. She felt her heart slowly breaking. She felt as if the sun was setting forever. Tendrils of shadow began to grip the walls of her mind as memories started to surface. She thought of the first time that she had ever seen his face, the first time their bodies ever touched, the first time she realized that she loved him, the first time she had ever let herself go in his presence, and when she began to live as two instead of one. The feeling was suffocating; it was too much and too all at once and too heavy.

She felt herself let go as she began to fall toward the floor, but strong arms caught her instead. Zidane pulled her small frame against his and cradled her against his better judgement. Her whole body quivered against his, unable to stop the tears from flowing. She didn't bother wrapping her arms around him; he would only pull them away and leave her soon anyhow. However, she was determined to at least take in his scent and the way his body felt before that happened. Desperately, she decided to hold on to everything this moment offered, for her mind cruelly nagged at her that this may be the last time she would ever see him. Breathing in, she smelled the familiar scent of grass, cedar, and a hint of sweat. He was always outdoors, working out, or sparing with Steiner, and his scent reflected that. She vaguely recalled being unable to remember the scents of her mother and father; how they had disappeared over time. Even the edges of their faces were beginning to blur in her memory. A new wave of hopelessness overwhelmed her and she let out a pained cry that tore through Zidane's soul.

Her body never felt heavy to him, but this time he struggled to hold her up. He resigned to sit down on his bottom as he gathered her up and set her in his lap, arms encircling her in that familiar position that continually made her feel loved and protected. All she felt this time, though, was her heart tearing open. One would never know the intensity of the break, for it was mute, and what spilled out was not blood, but the very essence of her. All her joy, dreams, happiness, love… just poured out of her. She pondered if this was what dying felt like.

"Loving you is all that I know how to do," he whispered against her hair. He didn't fight the tears that fell. He knew it was pointless. He couldn't fool himself any longer. She needed someone who was always present, not someone who's mind drifted to the world at large. Gaia was his true lover and the adventure she offered was better than any sex he could ever have. Continuing with Garnet was only going to cause them both suffering in the future if all he could ever think about was leaving her to explore the world. It wasn't like she could just leave her royal duties behind and follow him to the ends of Gaia like he wanted.

"Then I'll wait for you to figure it all out. I'll wait right here until you're done running in circles." He looked down as she began to try and untangle herself from him. He let her go and watched her crawl away on hands and knees. She rested her back against the wall that was farthest from the blonde thief, knees drawn up to her chest, shoeless, with dark eyes gazing intently at him. He was right; the look in her eyes was killing him.

"You deserve better than me, Garnet. You deserve someone who will stay with you till the end. I can't stay here, in this castle, like you can," he tried to explain as he dreadfully attempted to lace his words with as much compassion as he could. He could not, however, completely mask the exacerbation in his tone.

"So, I'm not enough." It was more of a statement than a question asked. Her face fell and connected with the tops of her knees.

"Garnet, I can't do you right. I want to so bad, but I can't. I'm not good for you. I'm sorry, someday you will understand, but please don't wait for me. Don't waste your life like that," he pleaded.

Purposefully, she looked up and met his gaze once more. With as much power as she could muster, she forcibly replied, "Without you, my life is a waste."

He looked at her curiously as she continued, "I will wait for you, just like I waited for you once before. I will always wait for you and hope against hope that you'll come back to me, even though I know you won't."

"Be happy, though," she added. "Do what comes naturally to you and help people. You're happiest when you're helping someone."

"How can I help someone when I can't even help you," he asked from his place on the floor.

Garnet opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come out. Instead, she leaned back into the comfort of her own body. Her slender arms wrapped around her knees in an effort to console herself, but it only caused new tears to fall. Would she ever stop crying?

Before she knew what was happening, she once again came face to face with the only man that ever meant more to her than herself. Ocean blue eyes watched her carefully.

"If I could, I would gladly leave this place to follow you, but I can't. I have too many responsibilities and you don't have any." Her sadness flowed into each and every syllable as she spoke. With his abandon, he took her ability to be strong.

"You were my responsibility and look what I've done to that," he replied with as much sadness. The corners of his lips lifted into a sheepish grin that soon fell as he felt her soft hand against his cheek.

"Can you at least tell me that you hate me? I don't know if I'll ever sleep again knowing that you are out in the world somewhere without me, still loving me," she begged.

He wondered if she heard the sound of his heart breaking. It was so loud in his ears that he questioned if all of Gaia could hear it.

Once again, he attempted to pull her into his embrace, but she fought against him this time. At first, she placed her hands against his chest and resisted his pull, but when he began to pull harder she began to thrash against him. The two struggled against one another until Garnet began to sob and scream at him.

"Stop, just stop it!" She threw her fist into his chest. "You're confusing the hell out of me!" He felt a thud against his chest as her fist once more made contact. "If you want to leave, leave. Just go and stop doing this to me!" He felt a sting as her other hand slapped the right side of his face.

But he couldn't seem to force himself to leave. He began to worry about what would happen to her without him there to love and protect her. Would she be alright? Would she ever love again? If she did, would he treat her right? What about her heart? Would it ever mend? What about his?

The sudden realization of the situation hit him like an airship. Did… did he want her more than he wanted Gaia? He shut his eyes. Oh my god. What have I done?

"I… I can't," he said as he began to cry. "I can't leave you."

The two fell against each other as they wept in each other's arms. Garnet wanted so badly to breathe a sigh of relief, but her stomach was still in knots.

So… that's it, she questioned. She was afraid that at a moment's notice he would change his mind again.

"I'm so sorry. I finally realize what I need; what you need." He tried to convey every ounce of regret and love into his voice, but how do you say you're sorry for ruining a person?

She gripped the front of his shirt as tightly as she could, gritting her teeth, while tears splashed onto her chest. An anguished cry escaped her lips as she pressed her forehead against his chin.

"I'm so sorry," he cooed. Lifting her up into his arms, he carried her to their bed. They both lay, side by side, facing each other. Their hands and legs intertwined as their pain washed over them. "I won't leave you," he promised.

"How do I know that you're not just saying that," she asked as she struggled to control her emotions. She was fully convinced that she'd never stop crying at this point.

"I'll show you," he replied.

Slowly, he reached his hands behind her and started to unbutton her dress. Their lips met in a chaste kiss that deepened the closer Zidane got to pulling the dress away. A profound blush spread across the queen's face as she felt a chill upon her bare chest.

"Zidane…"


A/N: I recently suffered an argument with a loved one and it got me thinking about the different kinds of pain I have experienced in my life. I started dissecting the emotions and this idea came to mind. I think the worst, most passionate arguments are had while sitting on the floor.

This is a borrowed idea from 14karatgold's stories Gravity and Stranger. Check out both of her stories, they are great. For a quick link, go to my profile and search under Favorite Stories.

This will be two parts. The story was getting pretty long so I thought I would break it up into two chapters. The second chapter will be uploaded once I am finished with it. I am still working on my writing ability so this is really just an exercise in description of emotions. It seems a bit dry to me, but let me know what you think. The next chapter will feature a lemon. Enjoy!