Disclaimer: See Bottom
Author's Note: thankyou to TheWickedWizardofOz, my usual beta with his great work! Thankyou for working with me on this!
'More than A Penny's Worth'
by Songsix
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Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
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He was only nine and too young when it all happened. He didn't completely understand what was going to happen now, but all he knew was that everyone he loved he lost in a single moment. He stood staring into his own reflection at tired lost eyes wondering who that person was, because that's not Richard Grayson. Richard Grayson was happy, a part of a fantastic circus, a member of an infamous acrobat routine, and had parents.
He watched tears fall down rosy cheeks on the mirrored boy's face before turning around looking up at the other person in the room. "I'm all alone now, Mister Pennyworth." He whimpered, sniffling as the mirrored boy continued to cry.
The stoic man stood there for a full minute before placing a hand on his shoulder, and with a tender voice he told him, "I can only tell you Dick, something I wish I had said a long time ago to someone else. You are notalone. I imagine you never will be again."
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Come on and come to me now. Don't be ashamed to cry.
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"What did I even do wrong? We caught Joker didn't we?" Robin cackled, hopping around the cave, happy they had accomplished capturing one of the worst villains in Gotham. He was a young boy bursting with energy, so he proceeded to latch himself to various objects around the cave excitedly. Alfred shook his head as he poured the two masters cups of tea that would surely calm the young lad down. However, Bruce knew how to do that all on his own…
"You almost compromised your identity which in returns places both of us into danger."
"What's the big deal? At the end of the day we–"
Bruce tore off his cape and cowl before growling in a low voice, "At the end of the day, it doesn't matter if Joker is placed in Arkham or not. If he knew who we were it would all be over, and everything I have built up to this point would have been for nothing." Each word was laced with extreme frustration and anger, something the young boy was still getting used to coming from a circus of all places. He immediately stopped his bouncing around and stood in front of him with his eyes to the floor and hands behind his back feeling shame. A heat crept up on his neck embarrassed of being yelled at.
"Understood." He managed to speak out. Bruce simply stared at him before walking away to attend to more work. Alfred watched from afar shaking his head. Someday, that man needed to learn how to handle children, or people in general.
With downcast eyes and fisted hands, Dick hurried up the stairs, but Alfred stopped him halfway up. "Master Dick–"
"I'm going to bed." The boy interrupted, wiping his nose on his arm. In one quick motion, Alfred pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and slipped it into his small hands to use instead. Proper manners always matter. Dick took the cloth to his nose smelling that scent of tea and pine. He kind of liked it. He blew as hard as he could into it before handing it back to Alfred, whom was quite relieved he wore gloves.
Alfred always had a careful eye, and he could see in Dick's he was doing his best not to cry, "Simply because he has trouble showing his emotions, it does not mean you must keep yours inside as well."
The boy rapidly blinked, putting all his best efforts into not giving in. "I can't. I have to be more like him if I want to live up. Being a cry baby will only waste time." He stated firmly, puffing his chest. Alfred almost smiled at the young master's efforts to look older and bigger than he really was.
"Do you truly believe it has been more effective for him to have become–"
"A hardass?" The boy giggled in delight, and Alfred almost cracked a smile.
"Master Richard."
"Sorry Alfred…"
Alfred sat on a stair and gestured for the boy to take a seat next to him. Dick nodded, but not without turning around to wipe his eyes so the elder man could not see. "Master Bruce is not used to having a partner quite yet." The boy sat down hugging his knees to his body.
"He'd probably be better off without one." Dick muttered, burying his face in his arms.
Alfred frowned at him and placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a squeeze. "What has possibly brought you to this conclusion?"
"It's as if all I ever do is mess up." Dick whispered, almost too quiet to comprehend, but Alfred understood. He shook his head, disappointed in Bruce's behavior as of late. However, he did understand that man as well; he knew it would take time for Bruce to get used to having something like this for the first time in a long while.
"He's just…he's concerned for both his safety and especially yours." What is it that Bruce hasn't had in years you ask?
"Why mine at all?" The answer was pretty simple…
"He never believed he would ever have to share the same burden and pain he has carried on his shoulders with someone else."…family.
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Let me see you through. Because I've seen the dark side too.
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There it was again; that dark silhouette that had been haunting his dreams late at night lately. It had glowing bright white eyes, and flew in the shadows of the night. It screeched loud and horribly right before it ate its prey. The creature was merciless and hungry for blood…his blood. It was reaching out trying to grab him, and as it released its sharp claws just before it ripped into his skin…
…he woke up in a cold sweat. He looked around frantically around his dark and dreary room. The walls were still empty since he had only come to live in Wayne Manor half a year ago. It had also only been much more recently he learned of Bruce Wayne's other identity and had obtained another of his own – Robin, the Boy Wonder. Even so, the idea of Batman and seeing him in action kind of scared him. That's why, every night since he found out he's been having these nightmares. Especially, on cold windy nights such as this one. He hated it when those stupid branches would bang against his window scaring the bejeebers out of him.
But he didn't want Bruce thinking he was a baby, plus the man still gave him a bit of the creeps. Who else could he turn to? Suddenly, an idea popped into his mind and he rushed out of his bed scampering down the hall. When he reached what he was sure was the correct bedroom, he grasped the brass knob and gave it a slow turn. It creaked, almost making Dick jump back, but he couldn't turn back now. He also really didn't want to, not during a storm like this. He crept to the bed as quietly as he could, his steps making little pitter patters of sound. Unbeknownst to him, the slumbering member in the bed was already aware of his presence. He didn't know though, so he climbed right in and started jabbing the poor man as hard as he could in the shoulder.
"Alfred?" he asked in a whisper while continuing to probe at him, "Alfred, Alfred, Alfred Alf–" up until a wrinkled hand grabbed his and stopped him.
"Yes, Master Dick?" Alfred yawned, but not without glancing at the time.
"Are you awake?" Dick asked
"If I were not I would not be communicating with you right now would I?" Alfred pointed out, only earning a cock of the head and a confused look from the boy. Sometimes he wondered about the thought process of young people most days. But on Dick, it was cute. He just a little boy.
"I guess not?"
Alfred shook his head and yawned once more, "What do you require, Master Dick?"
Dick shrugged his shoulders before pointing outside with his tiny finger, "It's just, it's raining a lot and there's thunder. I thought maybe you'd be scared if you had a nightmare. I know I would…so I came as soon as I could."
The man smiled at the sweet innocence of the young boy. "You are most certainly correct Master Dick. Thank you for coming to my aide."
Dick whooped in his mind before snuggling up against him, "No problem Alfred. I'm always here if you need me." Quickly, as children do, he fell right back to sleep.
"As am I." Alfred responded, stroking the boy's hair before falling back into slumber himself.
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When the dark night falls on you. You don't know what to do.
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Tonight, Bruce had a date with Vicki Vail; therefore, it was only Alfred and Dick for dinner. The boy didn't really have a problem with it, he actually enjoyed seeing Bruce get out and have an actual social once in awhile. In fact, sometimes it could get downright hilarious. However, something about him had seemed off, especially because he wasn't talking Alfred's ear off as he usually did. One would think he had a lot to say considering he had become such good friends with Flash's new sidekick. That kid got Dick excited all the time.
Tired of watching the boy pick up his fork and drop it for the umpteenth time that night, Alfred cleared his throat and spoke up. "Master Dick, you have barely said a word this past hour." He observed, gesturing to the clock beside them.
Dick stabbed his fork into a piece of broccoli, sniffed it, made a face, and dropped it…again. "Guess I'm just not so chatty tonight?" He responded half-heartedly, sighing.
For the first time, Alfred scoffed at Dick rolling his eyes in complete disbelief, "Nonsense, you always have a mouth full."
"Well, I guess I don't." Dick said flatly, while attempting to turn his mash potatoes into a sludgy soup with his spoon. Alfred half considered taking away his dining utensils for the night.
"You also seem to be avoiding Master Bruce as of late." He commented, taking a bite of his own meal appreciating the effort he put into it and not playing with his food.
"Yeah, so?"
"What's wrong?"
Dick sighed, and took a real bite of food finally, chewing slowly. He swallowed it hard, and straightened his back continuing to evade the question. He dusted off his napkin, took another bite, and took a nice long sip of juice. When he ran out of things to do, he finally answered, "I feel like I totally betrayed him."
"How so?" Alfred asked, wiping his mouth finished with his dinner.
"I broke one of his rules."
Alfred did his best to conceal a small chuckle, but he did smile at boy's confession. "Master Bruce has more than a dozen rules."
"Yeah, well this one was like the mother of all rules." He groaned, before taking a large chomp of broccoli without realizing it.
"Would you care to share with me exactly what it is you have done?"
Dick pursed his lips and furrowed his brow thinking. "You're going get mad at me too. Just like he will if he ever finds out." Alfred scratched his chin now very intrigued to find out exactly what rule it is the young master had broken. Good lord, he didn't attempt to highjack the bat-mobile again? But, if that were the case, the normally light hearted boy wouldn't appear so grave. It had to be something serious.
"Nothing you could say will ever make me feel otherwise, Master Richard. I will also not tell him what you have done." Alfred assured him with true honesty. Dick stared into his eyes for the longest time debating if he could trust him or not, but this was the person he'd trusted more than anyone in his life. Why not?
"I told Wally my secret identity."
"Kid Flash?"
"Yeah?" Alfred didn't even move a single muscle. Dick's heart raced as he anticipated whatever scolding or punishment he would receive. Would they kick him out now? Brainwash him to make sure he couldn't remember a thing?
"I'm quite surprised."
"I know…" Dick closed his eyes preparing for the worst…
"According to my own judgments, I would have come to believe you would have informed him sooner," and with that, Alfred chuckled to himself taking his plate to the kitchen leaving a shell shocked Richard Grayson sitting by himself. Bless the poor child's heart.
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Nothing you confess. Could make me love you less.
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He was sweeping up the cave when he rushed in. In his arms, something he never wanted to see.
"Master Bruce!"
Bruce's eyes were wet with worry, and his voice came out in a strangled cry. It took a lot to move this man's emotions.
"He's dying Alfred!"
Never before had the young master looked any smaller than he did at that moment. His skin was pale of any rosy cheeks. His arms and legs bruised and battered. Blood seeped from a broken lip.
"Hurry, lay him out on the stretcher, now!"
Quickly, Bruce did as he was told, before he stood back watching almost helplessly. The fact this boy would be working with Batman suddenly became more of reality to the both of them than ever.
"I'll get Dent for this, if it's the last thing I do…"
The fact this boy was more than a sidekick became more of a reality to Bruce.
"The first thing you must be doing is tending to the boy right now. Revenge will not heal his wounds."
Alfred was glad to see Bruce coming to his senses, and by god, he was going to save this boy for the both of them – no matter what it took. He pulled out a tray of tools and immediately got to work.
"Dick…"
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Won't let nobody hurt you.
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"Prepare the latest documents for Wayne Tech on my desk. I have a lot of work I need to get done." Bruce ordered, not bothering to take his eyes off the papers in his hands. He didn't even take the time to change out of uniform too busy in his work. Behind him was Robin, not too happy as he usually was, but Batman didn't seem to notice. Alfred raised an eyebrow at this. It could easily be assumed that the mission Young Justice recently had with Clayface simply did not go well, but in Dick's eyes he could see that was not the case.
"Of course, Master Bruce." Alfred bowed, while turning to stop Robin as he attempted to stomp away, "Master Dick, where do you think you're going?"
"Training." Robin sneered, still making a beeline to his destination. He was obviously very upset.
Alfred glanced at a grandfather clock following him commenting, "It is a bit late, don't you believe?"
Dick scoffed at him grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge of the kitchen, "Have to, only way I'll ever get his attention…" and with that Dick slammed the fridge closed and proceeded to stomp around some more before heading to their private gym.
Alfred made an 'o' with his mouth as he realized Bruce had probably neglected him, which was something he must never do. Watching the boy grow up, he had observed that Dick needed constant reminder of his importance, not to mention a lot of attention. Something Bruce had never needed himself, so he did not always see it.
He knocked on the entrance of Bruce's more 'secret' study deep within the cave capturing the man's attention. Bruce looked up, and before he could even ask Alfred commanded him, "Come, there's something I would like to show you." From there, he led the man to the bat-computer toggling the camera onto the gym room.
"Just Aqualad…"
"Alfred, could you please send Dick to the yard?" Without any more words, the man got up and headed out. Alfred followed behind smiling with pride.
"Of course, Master Bruce."
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So if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside.
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He was waiting with a tray of hot towels and two glasses of water when they entered the cave. Night had already fallen, and he could imagine they were already swamped from today's test. Bruce had already informed him of what they would be doing, but he did not expect for it to take such a toll on the younger master. As soon as they arrived, Robin didn't even bother to acknowledge him or announce their arrival home as he always did. Instead, he scampered up to his room without word. Strangely enough, he did not seem the least bit frustrated or angry. He appeared more shaken than anything else. That worried Alfred far more than all the times he came home miffed by something Bruce had said or something his team had done.
Batman did take a towel and a nice long sip of water, a small amount of relief relaxing his features from the cold stream running into his mouth. Alfred cleared his throat and took the opportunity to question what had happened, "How did they perform in the simulation?"
Bruce slipped off his cowl and combed back his hair responding tiredly, "It was a disaster." On cue, from above they heard the slam of a door close and Bruce groaned rubbing his temples. There were deep worry lines marring his face. He wasn't sure what to do for the boy, he was never the best with talking to him.
"I can see. I will speak with him." But Alfred was, and he was grateful for that.
Dick laid belly down on his bed with his face buried in his pillow. Pieces of his uniform were scattered around the floor. He knew he would probably get in trouble for not properly hanging any of it up, but he didn't care. Right now, he just wanted to be left alone to sulk. But, as his butler would have it, that wouldn't be the case. There was a light knocking on the door, and he debated with himself whether or not he would answer it. Didn't matter, Alfred let himself in anyways, with a plate of cookies and a cool glass of milk. Dick muffled into his pillow about how he wasn't a kid anymore.
Alfred set the tray down beside his bed, but the boy still didn't bother to move, "I don't want any milk." He muttered, lifting his head to sniff the air as the smell of chocolate reached its way to his nose.
"If you say so…" The butler was just about to take it away when a small pale hand grabbed his wrist.
"Hey, I never said I didn't want cookies." Dick sat up and grabbed at the morsels munching away with content. Alfred pulled over a chair and sat down watching the young master eat – crumbs, saliva and all much to his chagrin. After five or so cookies, the boy finally paused his shoveling to thank him, "these are totally whelming!" he exclaimed.
Alfred gave him a warm smile patting him on the shoulder, "You're quite welcome."
Dick smiled back, but then frowned and pushed the tray way from him once he remembered what this was all for. "So what's the deal? Did Bruce say something?" he interrogated, crossing his arms and squinting his eyes studying him carefully. However, he knew, really, it should have been the other way around. Alfred was the one looking for answers at this moment. But would he be ready to give them?
"Master Dick, you seemed down. Is there something you wish to share?"
The boy opened his mouth to speak, but quickly closed it. This would be harder than he thought. Normally he could tell Alfred anything, but this was something he never thought he'd ever have to talk about or think of. "I-I…I already told Black Canary." He quietly uttered, looking away fixing his gaze on anything but the butler.
"Yet you cannot tell me?" Dick fidgeted with his pajamas. He concentrated as he stared at the walls filled with pictures of Batman drawn by him when he was younger, old photographs of he and Bruce, and a large poster of the Flying Graysons. Walls full of comforting memories; it helped calm him whenever he was troubled by anything. The same way talking to Alfred helped him…
"Alfred, I don't know what to do." He confessed, finally meeting eye to eye with him.
The elderly man folded his hands neatly in his lap, as he asked in a soft tone, "Something that had related to the simulation you had undergone, I'm presuming?"
Dick's frown grew deeper, "Everyone thinks it's so easy. Everyone always has…" His voice trailed off, and in his eyes he appeared lost.
"What exactly is that?"
Before answering, he coughed into his hand, struggling to not let his emotions get the best of him. "Everyone thinks I can be like him. But I'm not, if something like what we…what I had to go through actually happened, I don't know if I'd be prepared." His voice was small and weak, and his eyes were fixed back onto the walls.
Alfred shook his head and placed a tender hand onto his shoulder once more giving a slight squeeze, "I believe you are wrong Master Dick, you have more courage than any young man I know. You must, to be able to fight alongside the Batman." His voice was eloquent and full of confidence. It was hard not to believe he was right. Yet, he could not shake these feelings in his heart, these thoughts in his head, and the fear that wanted to take over.
"Even before I was Robin…before everything…people thought I was courageous like my…my parents. But even then, I couldn't…I can't…Alfred, I can't be fearless like them or Bruce. I just can't." He stuttered in his words blinking away tears not bearing to rip his gaze from that poster that hung proudly in his face or the pictures scattered across.
"That is because you cannot be anyone but yourself Master Dick. It is not a matter of being fearless, but not letting fear control you. Which is something you do not."
Dick wiped his face on his sleeve, but Alfred handed him the yellowed handkerchief from his pocket, which he blew in fiercely, "I guess so…" he sniffed sadly, gripping the cloth tightly close to his chest, the smell soothing him as always.
Alfred patted his head affectionately standing as he picked up the empty tray, but not without some piece of advice, "No one is forcing you to take Master Bruce's place one day. You will be just fine if you found your own path. There is absolutely nothing wrong with doing so." He encouraged, lifting Dick's spirits. Even if just a little…
"Do you mean it?"
"Master Dick, you process qualities Master Bruce does not that makes you a great hero on your own. You are your own person."…It was all he needed.
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Come on and talk to me now. Hey, what you got to hide?
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He had been recruited by Harvey "Two-Faced" Dent to protect his former love Carol.
It sounded simple.
It always sounds simple.
But here he was, stripped of his blue and black after crawling back to the place he knew he could turn to whenever it was essential. His uniform had been ripped and torn from the bullets that had been shot into him. He had managed to dodge the majority of them, but there was one lodged deep within in his shoulder. It hurt like heck. He was dripping in red by the time he made it back. Luckily, he got Carol to a safe place, but now he needed caring of his own.
"Did you get it?"
Of course, he would never ask Bruce for help…willingly anyways, and Barbara was out of the question since she was mad at him at the moment.
"If you ask me that one more time I will–ah! Got it."
But he knew he could always turn to him,because he never failed to be there for Dick when he needed someone. Even when he'd done something incredibly stupid. Even when he won't shut up when he's being stitched up. Even when he's being incredibly annoying and insists the old man have his own medical drama series, because his skills are just simply superb. Even if it means he was willing to slip Dick a couple sleeping pills to keep him quiet.
Alfred would always take care of him.
Before he closes his eyes he expresses his fears of Bruce being gone, and he's out just like that. The elderly man quietly agrees waiting for those eyes to flutter close.
Once he had finally managed to dislodge the bullet, and Dick had fallen into a slumber Alfred allowed his shoulders to relax. He slowly moved his tired body to the nearby sink slipping off the blood covered rubber gloves; one finding its way against glass, sliding down the former Boy Wonder's display's case of yellow, green, and red. He sighed to himself as exhausted eyes watched the pink run down the drain, something he would never get used to seeing.
When he was all cleaned up, he made his way back to the operating table where Dick slept. It's been awhile since he had stopped by the cave. He and Bruce still weren't on entirely good terms, so he never saw the boy as much these days. His face was un-moving and peaceful as he slept dreaming away, safe from danger.
Safe from danger.
Wouldn't that be nice? Alfred watched the rise and fall of his chest, his mouth in a firm line and his eyes bobbing as they struggled not to let anything fall.
With one hand, he tenderly took Dick's squeezing softly waiting by his side for him to wake up.
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I get angry too. Well I'm a lot like you.
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It was kind of funny, but not in the Ha-Ha sort of way – Superman and Wonder Woman standing before him with their heads hung low looking up at him. It wasn't supposed to be this way. They aren't supposed to be here. Two of the greatest heroes of their time bearing some of the most hopeless expressions he had seen in his whole entire crime-fighting career; and he's seen a lot of screwed up things too.
Superman held it close to his chest for just a brief second more before finally handing the tattered uniform into Dick's waiting arms. Never had he ever thought it would come to this moment. He knew it couldn't last forever, but most days he forgot the simple truth – Bruce was only human. But, in his head, it was impossible to shake the thought that he wasn't just human, he was the Batman. This shouldn't be happening, this can't be happening, why is this happening?
When Alfred came out with a tray of refreshments, he took back what he had originally thought. It was then did he see the most hopeless and aching expression in his entire life. But, that could be just his bias. Somehow, this man was still able to follow his duties as the butler of the household. Who might possibly be the strongest man in the universe was standing before them, and it wasn't Superman – in his eyes, anyways.
"Are you alright?" Clark asked with as much consideration as he could hold in his voice, but it wouldn't be enough. There wasn't anything that would be enough at this moment.
"Am I alright?" Alfred paused, and it was like breath escaped them all, "No, sir. I am not. My son has died."
Hours past, and Dick found himself sitting out on the balcony of their manor alone watching the sunset. Apparently, it's what people are supposed to do when they grieve –appreciate life. But what good did it really do when he felt his world crashing down all around him? He asked the world what had they done to deserve this. He asked himself if he would be able to even do this without him? He asked Bruce, why would he leave them?
As it was getting late and light was leaving the day into the night, he cried out to no one in particular, "I wasn't ready to lose him…"
A familiar hand gently gripped his shoulder, and he no longer felt as alone as he did, "I know…I know…I wasn't ready either."
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When you're standing at the crossroads, and you don't know what path to choose.
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"Nobody believes I'm Batman! I spent years building up respect as Nightwing, and now they're looking at me like I'm one more psycho Batman impersonator." Dick pounded his fists against the glass case of Bruce's past costumes and uniforms. It was more like a graveyard than a museum. Looking at the past made him feel a mixed array of emotions including sadness, sickness, and shame, "This whole idea of replacing Bruce was insane."
He clenched the cowl in his hands in frustration as he shut his eyes waiting for someone to tell him he didn't have to do this, but he did. He couldn't let everything that was left of Bruce be forgotten. He couldn't let Batman disappear into the shadows forever. Of course, he knew this wasn't going to be easy, and nothing about being a superhero ever was, but god did he hate the cape – it was the first thing he got rid of when he went off on his own for the first time.
An aged hand gently took the cowl from his grip causing the tension be released from his body. He watched as clean trimmed fingers caressed the mask affectionately – wistfully. Quickly he was regretting acting like such a martyr.
"As I see it, your parents were show business people, Master Richard. Those are your roots." His voice was still rich and astute as ever as he spoke, "try to think of your Batman as not a Memorial – you and I both know he'd hate that – but as a performance."
He then held the worn beaten cowl in the light with old eyes gazing out into the darkness of the cave. He stood there, seemingly waiting for someone to tell him it didn't have to be this way, but as nothing would come he handed the cowl back to Dick folding their hands over the top.
"Everyone is waiting for the hero to take the stage, and the spotlight is on you."
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Let me come along. 'cause even if you're wrong…
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Dick sat still staring at nothing but the dry wall before him – bare of anything, décor or memories. Being out of the cave and into their new headquarters, it was definitely different – alien even. However, they need to adjust to the new changes, because this was a new start, a new road for them to take together as the dynamic duo– he and Damian.
Calculated eyes examined the stitches carefully before he cut the end of the thread with a small knife satisfied with his work. It wasn't as clean as it could be, but he was still getting used to doing this for someone other than himself or having it done for him. He pulled the package of bandage tape from his mouth, ripped the corner with his teeth, and proceeded to wrap the closed wound tightly grunting to his patient, "Grayson, you better not laugh if I say I kinda miss Pennyworth."
The other fell silent letting him finish his work with his eyes still fixed on naked walls. When the boy finished up, he consciously touched his bandaged forearm clutching a handkerchief in his other as he uttered quietly "…of course I won't."
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Take me in into your darkest hour, and I'll never desert you.
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"I'm all alone now, Mister Pennyworth." – Dick Grayson
"I can only tell you Dick, something I wish I had said a long time ago to someone else. You are not alone. I imagine you never will be again." – Alfred Pennyworth
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I'll stand by you.
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Author's Note:Because John and Bruce weren't the only fathers in Dick's life. Thank you for reading.
Disclaimer:I do not own anything 'Young Justice'. I do not own 'I'll Stand by You' by the Pretenders. I do not own the scenes or quotes from the following books&comics&artists:
– Batman, Dark Vengeance (The first scene)
– Detective Comics 66 (Robin almost dies)
– Nightwing 148 (Removal of the bullet)
– Batman: Reborn. Long Shadows. (Superman returns Bruce's uniform)
– Batman and Robin: Reborn. (Dick doesn't want to be Batman)
–KINOKO19 (The last scene)
