Second Chance

-My first CSI fanfic, I hope you guys like it..please, please r&r.. I want to know what your thoughts are, any possible improvements etc. ... the idea for this story has been bouncing around my head for ages and I am finally getting it out, so.. yay!

-Obviously, I do not own anything related to the CSI tv show (I wouldn't mind owning some of the girls' outfits, though..) etc. though the made up characters are miiiine! All mine!

Sara Sidle had never pictured herself as a mother. Well, no, that wasn't exactly true. Perhaps on more than one occasion she had dreamed of becoming a mother to a certain boss's children, but rarely. When she had been a teenager and all the girls her age dreamt of eventually marrying the man of their dreams and having babies, even gone as far as thinking up names for them, Sara had just let it go. It had never been something she was focused on-- she focused on first school and then her job.

Now here she was, looking down into two young, expectant faces. The faces of her son and daughter. Joshua Gordon Miller, her firstborn.. an adorable kid, brown-eyed and with what sometimes looked like straw for hair. Then there was sweet little Grace Amelia Miller, who shared her parents' and brother's brown eyes and her mother's curly brown hair.

"Night night, my dears," Sara said softly, kissing first her 6-year old boy on the top bunk and then her 3-year old girl on the bottom.

"G'night, Mummy," said Josh into the darkness as Sara flipped off the light.

"Niiiiigh!" cooed Grace, getting a giggle from her revered older brother and a smile from her mother as the CSI shut the door behind her.

Sara had never expected to be a single mother. In fact, up until a short time ago, she hadn't been. As she settled on the couch and turned on the TV, glad for her day off, she thought everything over.

Sara Sidle had pined for Gil Grissom for a very long time. Maybe longer than she should have. He had been on her mind to often since that fateful lecture he had given at Harvard. If she hadn't wanted to go into forensic science anyway, she certainly did after that. She had thanked her lucky stars that he called her in from San Francisco... but after more than 5 years of almost no sign he really wanted to pursue a relationship, she bravely took a deep breath, pulled on her sweats, ate a tub of ice cream and started to move on.

The charming, handsome new detective who transferred to the LV PD a few months after certainly helped. At first, she had been wary of another work-related romance --though finding out about Hank had sucked royally, she had known it wouldn't go too far and it had taught her a lot about herself and relationships in general-- James Miller had eased her fears and helped her start a whole new life. All of her co-workers, even Grissom (to her surprise) had noticed and commented on the change; they were all pleased at her newfound happiness. Of course they didn't know at first it was because of a man. She and James miraculously kept it quiet for a good 4 months. Finally, the office grapevine took its toll producing decidedly different reactions:

Greg- "So, Sara, I uh, hear you're dating that new detective. What's he got that I don't have? .. Ow! Was a punch really necessary?"
Catherine- "Well I'm glad to hear you've uh.. moved on.. from Hank! Of course."
Warrick- "Hey, girl, I'm happy for ya."
Nick- "Good to hear you're getting out more. You deserve to be happy, Sara."

Grissom- Well, Grissom hadn't said much about her and James at all. But, at first, he did look a little wounded for a few moments before switching to a questioning look and finally a passive look.

The fact that it hurt him to know she was dating someone hurt her a little, too. If he had feelings for her, all she wanted was for him to say so. But he didn't. And when she realized she would always care deeply for Gil Grissom no matter what, it was easier to move forward with James.

James Miller had been just what she needed. He was compassionate and funny, and very good looking with deep brown eyes and sandy-coloured hair. He was only a few years older than she was, and about 6 feet tall. Sara was surprised at how quickly she fell in love with him; she had wondered for a time if she could ever love another man after Grissom. Well, as it turned out, she could. She had a great time with James and he treated her like a princess.. something she'd never experienced. Her childhood and teen years had been rocky and the only real longtime boyfriend she'd had was Hank. He had always been distant.. she knew why now, of course.

James took her out to an elegant little restaurant on their 8 month anniversary-- and proposed. It was simple and sweet and the ring suited her perfectly- just a small, square cut diamond on a white-gold band. She hated that as he slid the ring on her finger she got a flash of fantasy--of Grissom proposing. She hurriedly pushed him out of her mind --Lord, of all nights!-- and smiled giddily at her new fiance.

Fast forward 5 months. The wedding was truly beautiful with only friends and James's family with them. Sara wore a simple white gown --she'd never liked the wild fuss women went through with weddings.. why didn't they remember that it was the start of a marriage instead of just a big event?-- and had Catherine for her maid of honour. She invited a very old friend, Julie, to be her other bridesmaid- they'd been close friends right up until university graduation and had kept in touch.. or tried to. James's two brothers served as best man and groomsman. Nobody gave Sara away; it had sort of just started. It had been held outside, and not in a church. Everyone commented on what a lovely bride Sara made. They also cast sidelong, pitying glances Grissom's way-- his face was drawn and blank-looking as he gazed forward, eyes fixed on Sara.

Finally they were pronounced Mr. and Mrs. James Miller and Sara started her life as a happy housewife. They moved into a bigger apartment after they returned from their week-long honeymoon-- the apartment next door to Catherine, Lindsey and Catherine's mother! (Author's Note: I realize in Weeping Willows they had Catherine and crew in a house, but for story purposes, they downsized to a nice apartment.) Unbeknownst to the happy newlyweds, their family life would soon start too... the honeymoon hadn't been all walks on the beach and candlelit dinners after all!

So 9 months later, Joshua Gordon was born. Sara hadn't been too sure about motherhood but when they placed her tiny son in her arms, it was as if she had never doubted anything. She fell in love for the second time in two years.

The couple hadn't any idea on what to do about childcare, though, after Sara's maternity leave was up.. she had gotten him onto bottles after 6 months but they still needed someone to look after him --working nights was proving awkward to raise an infant. So, James' parents moved in for a year following Sara's return to work. But once the year was up, they were out of ideas. Sara and James had completely lucked out when Catherine's mother (whom everyone --except Cath-- affectionately called "Nana") cheerfully suggested she look after the boy. Hey, she was keeping an eye on Lindsey--why not Sara Miller's little one? So they set up a baby monitor in the Miller's bedroom, Joshua's bedroom and Nana's. It was very handy that she was right next door. She eventually wound up caring for Grace, too, when Sara returned to work after her second maternity leave.

Sara had thought her life was just wonderful. She couldn't have asked for anything more. And then, tragedy struck.

James had expressed a dream of his to Sara --he wanted to serve in the army, to serve his country in the war against terror. So when Grace was a bit past one, he finally decided to join up, and was quickly sent overseas. He wrote every week of the horror he had to witness in the war. Sara was terribly worried about him. Everytime he was allowed home for a few weeks they were rarely apart. She missed him very much, but never told him how against it she was; Sara wanted him to follow his dreams.

But the week following Grace's 3rd birthday, Sara recieved the worst letter of all: James Donovan Miller had died in combat. Sara had taken a week off to be with her children, trying desperately to explain what happened to Daddy. The one blessing of James often being overseas was the adjustment to his permanent departure, as it were. It wasn't too much of a stretch slipping into single motherhood and her friends were with her every step of the way. She had James cremated, as he had wished to be, and held a memorial service for him. Sturdy, reliable Nick, careful Catherine and kind Warrick trailed after her for a few weeks afterwards at work, reassuring her, but mostly themselves, that she was okay. Everyone walked on eggshells for a very long time following his death.

Now, here she was. The last 7 years felt like a dream. James had come and gone so fast she struggled to believe it was true. But Joshua and Grace were living reminders and proof that he had been alive. She took a deep breath. It had been only about 6 months, but she was still struggling with letting him go. Why was it she was always having to let the one she loved go? Just when she had thought she'd had a happy ending.. she hadn't.

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"Griss? Greg told me you wanted to speak to me." Sara leaned on the doorframe to her boss's office as she'd done so many times before.

"Hi, Sara. I just wanted to make sure you were doing alright. Was taking a week off enough? You're sure you don't need more time?" He looked directly at her, something she couldn't remember him doing very often. His usually emotionless eyes looked different.. what was that he was expressing? Tenderness? A wave of confusion swept over her.

"Oh, no.. I'm doing okay. I kind of need work right now," she said, and she felt the old tension between them return.

He looked at her for a few moments more. "Well, if you're sure. Remember to come tell me, all right? If you need a bit more time."

She nodded and walked back to the DNA lab. What had that been all about?

I will continue this if y'all want me too.. PLEASE r&r! Thank ya :)