Chapter 1
"Fili, you need to eat."
" I can't right now. I'm busy."
"Busy with what?"
"…Things." Kili sighed. His brother had been slowly closing himself off from the rest of the company. He hadn't been himself since the end of the battle, and after burying Thorin and his coronation, Fili had put his walls up with no intention of taking them down.
"Fee, you're going to starve yourself. Just one meal?"
"No Kili. I told you I can't eat." Fili didn't turn from the papers scattered over his desk. Kili put the bowl down and slowly walked behind the desk to grab his brother's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Fili, I want to help you. But I need to know what is going on in your mind. When are you going to tell me what is wrong?" he asked softly.
Fili put his quill down and leaned his head wearily on Kili's arm with a heavy sigh. "Nadadith, you know me better than I know myself. Shouldn't it be me asking you that question?" Fili closed his eyes and leaned his head back further to rest it heavily against his brother's side. Kili gently rubbed Fili's shoulder, trying to ease out the knots that had formed there.
"Well, your first problem is that you are sleeping on your feet. Don't think I haven't noticed you leaving our room at all hours of the night. The second problem is that you are not taking care of yourself. When was the last time you ate a full meal?" Fili didn't answer, except for turning his face further into Kili's side.
"You third problem," Kili went on, "Is that you are completely overworking yourself."
"I don't overwork," Fili mumbled tiredly. "Yes, you do." Kili snapped. "Half the things you do are absolutely unnecessary."
"Like what?"
"Like checking the mining reports. That shouldn't be your job. Someone like Balin or even me can do it just as easily as you can." Kili paused and waited for Fili to say something. His brother didn't respond at all. "Nadad, please," he said softly. "Let me in again. I want to help you in any way I can. I love you too much to let you do this to yourself. You do know that, right?"
Fili nodded tiredly. "Of course I know that Nadadith. I love you too, more than anything. But that's why I can't let you carry my burden. I am eldest, which means I am king – as much as I don't want to be – and therefore these are my problems." He looked up at his brother. "The best way you can help me is simply by doing what you always have: staying by my side."
Kili sighed again, silently cursing his stubborn brother. "Fee, you already know that I will never leave you alone unless you want me too. But I'm not stupid. I know what you're doing. You think that the more you work, the sooner the pain will go away. Well, it won't." he drew in a breath. "Thorin is gone, Fili. Gone. There is nothing that will change that." Fili buried his face in his brother's side again and Kili could feel his shoulder shuddering under his hand. "I hate admitting that as much as you do, and you know that. But do you think that if he was here, he would want you to be like this? Working yourself so hard that you collapse from exhaustion?" Fili slowly shook his head and reached up to grab the hand resting his shoulder.
"I don't know what else to do Kee," he whispered. "If I don't work, I'm flooded with painful memories. When I'm with the company, everything reminds me of him. If I try to train, all I can think of is growing up in the Blue Mountains with him. When I sleep I have nightmares of the battle, of him and Azog. I don't know what else to do Nadadith."
For a while, the two brothers said nothing. Kili didn't want to do anything except be there for his brother, his idol, his rock, his king. Fili wanted nothing but the reassurance that his little brother was there, that he had his back, and that he would always remain the strong-willed, smiling constant in his life. And Kili was more than happy to give that assurance.
Eventually, Kili convinced his brother to eat some of the soup he had brought him. Fili ate about half the bowl before insisting he get back to work. Kili knew it would be pointless to argue, so he left his brother to get absorbed back into the papers scattered about him.
The next morning, Kili woke to an empty room. He looked across from his bed to see Fili's already made up. Fili never makes his bed up, he thought with narrowed eyes. He quickly got dressed and went in search of his brother.
He searched the whole morning, looking in studies, the many different libraries, the dining hall, with the company, but Fili was nowhere he looked. Then he spotted the two people that, next to himself, knew Fili better than anybody.
"Balin! Dwalin!" he ran to catch up with them. They turned around and Balin sent him a wide smile.
"Hello there laddie! We missed you at dinner last night." Dwalin grunted in agreement.
"I was trying to get my obstinate brother out of his study. Speakin' of Fee, have you seen him?"
Balin's smile faltered. Kili frowned. "You have, haven't you?" Balin nodded reluctantly.
"He is in the treasury lad. From what the guards tell me he entered about midnight last night and hasn't left yet."
Kili felt his face pale. Fili was in the treasury? But why? Then he shook his head, angry at himself for doubting his brother.
"Fili…Fili is stronger than the previous kings," He said stubbornly. "He will not catch the sickness."
Balin and Dwalin exchanged worried looks. "Still laddie, you may want to check on him."
Kili merely nodded before turning in his heel and tensely walking down into the depths of the mountain. A few minutes later, he found himself looking up at the massive doors of the treasury. The guards watched him with careful, pitying gazes, waiting for him to make his decision. Kili let out a heavy sigh, and nodded at them.
"Open the doors, and let no one in until I come back out." The doors creaked open, and Kili strode in confidently and head held high.
o.o.o. 0-0-0-0-OOOOO.o.o.o.
Kili slowly stumbled over the mountains of gold, calling out his brother's name. Fili wouldn't be hiding in here, would he?
"Fili? Where are you Nadad! Come on, we have things to get done today!" Kili stumbled over the crest of a particularly large pile and came to what he believed what the center of the giant chamber. It was a small valley, so that one could actually see the floor, and seemed to be filled with the more precious pieces of gold and jems. Standing right in the middle of it was none other than Fili.
"Fee? What're you doing in here Brother?" Fili slowly turned around, seemingly surprised to see Kili standing there.
"I never realized…" he started, but the words died in his throat at the scared look on his brother's face. "I'm fine Kee. I came in here because Bard needs more gold for rebuilding Dale and Gloin was too busy to get it for him."
"So you came in here at the most ungodly hours of the night to do Gloin's job?" Kili scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "Fili son of Dis, I don't believe that for a moment. Don't you dare lie to me."
Fili sent a scowl of his own to the ground. "Fine. I came to bed last night, honest, but I couldn't sleep. I was awake for hours. Finally I decided to go for a walk and ended up here. Happy?"
"No," Kili growled out. "One doesn't just 'end up' in the treasury. Why did you come here Fili? I won't leave you until I get an answer."
"Well what if I don't want to give you an answer? I'm entitled to keeping my own secrets every once in a while!"
"Not when they involve you disappearing into the piles of gold for hours! Not when you are trying your hardest to push me away! Not when I am slowly losing you to…to this!" Kili gestured wildly to Fili, who was now standing with fists clenched and teeth grinding.
"Losing me to what, Kili? I am my own person! I don't need you to always be breathing down my neck! I am the older brother! I am the King under the Mountain, Lord of Erebor! I don't need you!" Fili spun around, much like a child throwing a tantrum. "I never needed you! You are the one who needed me! You are weak, Kili! Weak! You use a bow for a weapon! Do you know what a disgrace that is? Having an heir of Erebor use something of elvish make? Do you? You always have resembled an elf more that a dwarf!"
Kili stepped back as if he had been brutally backhanded. Who was this? Who was this dwarf standing before him wearing his brother's face? Fili turned back around, and Kili felt like he could die from the look he was sending him. A mad, cold glint was making its way into Fili's mask of scorn. No, this was not Fili. This was a monster, an infestation, taking over his brother's mind.
"Fili! Will you think about what you are saying! You do not think that! This is not you! This is-"
"Of course this is me! I've always thought you were a…a complete waste of space! Everyone would have been better off without you Kili! Nobody needs you! What was your job in the Company? Nothing! You merely came along for the ride!"
"I did not, and you know that! Fili please! I know you! You are not in your right mind! You are not Fili, my brother!"
"You're right," Fili snarled. "I'm not."
Kili gasped, taken back by his brother's words. Fili was glowering at him with absolute hatred. "You're brother is dead. He died with your good for nothing uncle. I am Fili, King Of Carven Stone! King Of Silver Fountains! I am the King Under the Mountain! And you? You are nothing. You were Kili, son of Dis, sister-son of Thorin Oakenshield, brother of Fili heir of Thorin. But guess what? Dis is dead! Thorin Oakenshield is dead! And you are no longer my brother! So that means you are NOBODY!" Fili grabbed a large chalice and chucked it at him. Kili jumped to the side with a yelp.
"Fili! Please stop this!" He shouted as Fili threw a large gem at him. "We can fix this! Just…Fili…what…?" Kili broke off as Fili picked up a silver sword. It gleamed in the bronze light as Fili slowly approached him. Kili started backing away, but ended up tripping over the bulky gold. He scrambled backwards, away from this demon.
"I will give you one chance. Leave now, and never let me see your face again, you useless little whelp."
"Fili, what are you doing?"
"Something I should have done a long time ago."
And with that, Fili plunged the sword into his brother's stomach with a sickening cry, and the bond both of them had shared since infancy shattered, along with Kili's heart.
