Title was inspired by Death Cab for Cutie's song, No Sunlight.
Hope you like it, even if it makes you sad :')
I peeked through the blinds - rain. It always seemed to rain. This seemed to be a perfect day for it, too. I was turning 21. I had everything a guy my age could wish for - a huge house, a wallet full of cash and hundreds of girls begging to go out with me. The problem?
I didn't want any of it.
The house was much too big for one person. My money couldn't buy me what I wanted most in the world. The hundreds of girls?
None of them were her.
I shook my head sadly and got up, throwing on a grey t-shirt and a pair of jeans. I refused to wear anything else, such as the overly-formal MacKenzie Falls uniform (part of the reason I was now unemployed). Taking one look in the mirror, I shuffled downstairs and into the living room.
It seemed darker than usual in the house. Maybe I wasn't the only one who saw the clouds.
"Chad, honey, where are you? I know you're awake, you've become quite an early riser, dear. I'm just calling to say Happy Birthday!"
Oh, that's right, I had switched it to answering machine.
"It's a shame you didn't let us throw a party for you...we would've had so much fun. You haven't been out much, honey. Your dad and I...well, we think it's about time you met some-" I unplugged the phone, twisting the cord around aimlessly. My eyes wandered to a framed picture of myself from about four years ago. It was folded in half, hiding the second figure from view. I had forbidden myself from ever taking it out of the frame.
I stared at it until tears began to form in my eyes. All the memories came flooding back. I collapsed onto the couch and brought a pillow up to my face, mumbling, "I'm so sorry. I don't know what I did to make you leave". I kept my eyes tightly shut. "I don't know what I did to make you leave."
It would never be the same. She was gone...but I wasn't. I was here, living without her.
But was I really living? There was no point in going to work if it meant seeing her friends smiling sympathetically at me, or listening to my cast tell me I deserved better. Because there was nothing better. I didn't deserve her. That's why she was taken away from me, with no chance to say goodbye.
I didn't want anyone telling me to move on.
I didn't want anyone telling me to forget about her.
Because it would be like forgetting the sun. Like stepping outside one day and not knowing what was missing.
It just wasn't possible to forget someone whose smile lit up your world; someone whose laughter suddenly made all your problems go away. Someone who you loved.
Not making a sound, I got up and padded towards the coffee table, gently picking up one of the many black candles. I decided against a birthday cake and reached for my lighter. In a matter of seconds, I was watching a softly burning flame dance around in front of me.
I drew in a breath and closed my eyes.
"I wish for sunlight."
