Title: Running in Place

Author: Sarmi

Category: Post-Angel Finale

Genres: Angst

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Joss is Boss. I don't own Spike, but I wish I did.

Authors note: This is he third of 3 related ficlets. They work as both stand alone stories and chapters in a greater arch.

Summary: Spike didn't just read poetry that last day.

Beep

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I can feel the rain on my face. My jacket clings to my back. The water soaks my jeans as I run through the streets.

I feel as if I have been running forever. If I think about it, I guess I have. I can feel my heart pounding in my throat. But it's not from physical exertion. I'm the Slayer. Well not The Slayer, not anymore. He helped change that and I still can't decide if I loathe him or love him for it. No, fear is what grips my heart. And the only thing I can do is try to outrun it.

I'm really good at running. I should be in a Nike ad. But this is different. For once I am running towards something. I have spent the better part of the past year running away from that damned crater and everything it meant. I may have insisted that I was running toward a new life and a future but deep down I knew that if I kept moving, kept running, he could never catch me. Or more precisely his memory could never catch me.

He always did love a good chase. Almost as much as a good dance.

I knew that if I let him catch me he would never let go. And as much as part of me wanted that I was scared to stop moving. So instead I let him catch up and run beside me.

But just as I was ready to let him finally catch me he faltered, and told me to go on without him.


Hello, Buffy. I hate these damn things. Well, here goes. Angel told us that we needed to live today as if were our last. Because it probably is. And I needed you to know some things, things I didn't get to say the first time.

I want to you to know that as I face the end again your face is all that I see. But that's really not that new is it. I've been drowning in you since the first time I saw you. You need to know that you are all the heaven I will ever need to know. Because we both know I'm heading to that other place. But that's okay, because I got to love you. So don't worry about me.

This fight will probably be my last. I'm not saying it will, but it might. And if it is, I need you to understand that I may have many regrets in this life, and the many before it, but loving you has never been one.

Give my love to the Bit. Tell her I'm trying to keep my promise. The end of the world might just be tonight, but not if I can help it.

The end of the world. I've done this. Too many times to count. It just feels wrong now. I think it's because without him in it the world isn't right. And I can't lose him again.

So I run. I follow his trail like he used to follow my scent. The path of destruction has led me to this alley. The rain is washing away the gore and blood. And I know that I will find him here, because suddenly as I stand still the world feels right.