Disclaimer: I do not own Negima or any of its characters.
Notes: Flamers can go heat up my fire place. Nice reviews greatly appreciated.
If you don't like Shoujo-ai, don't read. And a major spoiler for the anime, but I'm presuming most people have watched the XEBEC adaption already.
21st October 2003-
Love.
That word.
It meant nothing to me. I would never use it.
No one has been worth loving, except you. But I know that I can't love you, or even think about it.
You're taken already.
Every time I approach you, you greet me, I greet back cheerfully, only to hear another voice. Her voice. Every single time I see you, she is with you.
She blushes, horrified to be spotted, and I can only imagine what you two were doing. You tease her more, revealing your flirtatious side. How wonderful it is.
How I wish I was a half-demon too.
She blushes again. Meaningless words spill out of her mouth, of no interest to me.
You're all over her, she's letting you.
A well acted out play, performed by you two. Futari.
And I'm just the audience, who can only clap soullessly for you two.
A forced smile finds its way to my face and I mock you two. My voice is shaky, but I try my best to sound normal.
I'm betraying myself.
22nd October 2003-
Just like yesterday, you and her are talking. Intimately.
You think no one is watching, so you make advances. She complies.
But you don't know that someone is there; someone in pain.
Me.
You push her to the wall. Your dominant side arises.
I could hear a tiny voice, 'ojou-sama…'.
I sneak a peek, and I see your lips on hers. You two are locked together; your bodies are merging into one, your hands are grasping onto each other for warmth, support and most importantly, love.
I close my eyes. I've seen this many times before, but each time is worse than before.
I could feel a fire raging inside me. Sometimes I wish that fire would burn me, turn me into ashes, so I wouldn't have to see this everyday, every single day.
Jealously.
Envy.
Maybe if I died…you would cry over my grave, think about me…even remember me once in a while; spend more time thinking about me than you do now.
That's the most I wish for. I can't be greedy.
After all, I'm just your best friend. Nothing more.
23rd October 2003-
The same happens.
You kiss her, lick her, touch her. She responds, with a tinge of red on her face and you two are enjoying it.
And I'm just a bystander.
I see you two walking hand in hand, 'off to shopping' you say.
It used to be me instead of her.
I was hoping that maybe you would ask for me to go together, maybe we three girls could have a final 'girly night together'. Shopping, talking, walking, whatever.
I hoped for too much.
It was just you and her, in your little world.
No one could interfere, not even me.
You would probably hate me for thinking this, but I really do not like Setsuna; I despise her. If it weren't for her, you and I would be as close as we were before. I would've been able to do more than hug you.
It's almost 12 o'clock midnight, and you're still not back.
11:59:30pm.
No one knew about these feelings. But I want you to know, because you're my best friend. Maybe a bit more, but only to me.
11:59:40pm.
How clichéd of me.
I, Kagurazaka Asuna, love you - Konoe Konoka.
When did you...? You might ask. From the day you started to run to me for comfort. From that day, I wanted to protect you, but I failed.
I was weak.
I am weak. I'm not as strong as your beloved 'Secchan', who is skilled in everything she does and has a perfectly toned body, great for caressing, kissing, licking...
I don't regret anything I have done.
Because I haven't done anything. Nothing.
I never got to taste the delicacy of your lips that Setsuna enjoys so much; I never got to live out my fantasies with you.
I'm just, even after all we've been through - things a normal high school girl could never dream of, your friend.
Notes: This fic is based on Asuna's death in the XEBEC adaption of the manga. Which was horrible.
