"Just because we're good people doesn't mean we won't kill you."
In fact Rick was thinking about killing Aaron before anyone came back and just being done with it. He wanted to save them from having to make the choice about whether to believe him or not. He wanted to save himself from having to make the wrong decision
again.
He wasn't blind. He could tell that everyone wanted to take the chance. He could tell that everyone wanted to believe Aaron. He knew they wanted Aaron's story to be true.
Rick didn't think they could risk it.
They were weak, their morale was low; they were just barely surviving. Since Terminus, well since the prison actually, they hadn't stopped, they had just suffered loss after loss. And they were only more vulnerable now, hungry and tired. What if this
community was worse than Terminus? What if this time they didn't make it out? He wanted to believe in a community too, strong walls where his family could be safe, but it seemed unlikely. He couldn't imagine that anyone safe behind walls would be
out looking for people. Especially people that looked like they must look. Dirty, rough, beaten down, like vigilantes or mercenaries returning home from a losing battle.
Sure Aaron seemed alright. He was charming, like the Governor, and concerned about them, like Gareth. Aaron was clean and serious like the woman from Grady Memorial was right before she killed Beth. He was easy-going, placating, and friendly like Dave
from the bar back by the farm, the first person Rick had killed after the world had ended. That was the day Rick realized that he would do whatever it took to keep his family safe. The day he realized they would never get back to any semblance of
the old world.
It seemed like killing Aaron was the safest bet.
That way no one would be able to ask him to put their lives in danger. Michonne wouldn't be able to convince him to give Aaron a chance. He wondered if she knew that he wanted to believe in Aaron's community too. She must know that he wanted a safe place
for them to live too, but he just couldn't allow himself to make the wrong choice. Again. He had given people the benefit of the doubt before. Carl had been right after the Governor's first attack when he had called him out for it. "You didn't kill
Andrew and he came back and killed mom. You were in a room with the Governor and you let him go and then he came back and killed Merle." And then Hershel. He couldn't afford to take chances anymore.
Shane wouldn't have given Aaron an opportunity to get all of them behind those tall steel walls. Shane would just kill Aaron and the discussion would be over. Shane knew before anyone the kind of world they were living in now. Rick had thought he would
be able to keep his humanity and keep his family safe but Shane knew better. And he had killed Shane. But ever since the fall of the prison and Terminus Rick had been thinking more and more about what Shane would do. Shane would have gone in quiet
to Grady. Got in, got Beth, and taken care of anyone in their way. Rick had let Tyrese convince him that diplomacy was the better path, but Tyrese was was gone now and so was Beth. He should have listened to Shane instead of Tyrese and maybe they
would both still be alive. Or, more likely, Shane wouldn't have even gone in after Beth thinking that one more lost girl wasn't worth the risk. Or Shane would have killed the Governor long ago and they would all still be happily living in the prison,
and then, instead of Rick waiting to see if Michonne was right and there was a community or if they had been taken and she was gone, he could be working in thegarden right now. He would be safe behind the prison fences waiting for her to whistle
and ride up on her horse and he could smile at her and try not to let her see how happy he was whenever she came home.
Shane was right.
Rick was going to kill Aaron before anyone got back. Michonne would be upset with him but at least she would be alive, if she wasn't already dead. She would understand; she knew how he was scared to take the chance. She saw how he wrestled with the demons
of his past decisions. Ever since the train tracks, before they were reunited with Daryl they had slept head to head with Carl, taking turns sitting up and keeping watch. When she was on watch and he would be fitfully sleeping, lost in dreams that
weren't just nightmares but memories, she would reach over and brush his hair off of his face, her smooth, cool hands settling him so he could rest. Sometimes when it was really bad, when he drifted, neither awake nor asleep, tormented, she would
reach over and rest her hand on his back and soothe him like he imagined she had done for Andre when he couldn't sleep.
Andre, the name she had never mentioned to him in her waking hours but whose name she murmured when she was the one who slept restlessly and he was the one who calmed her with his gentle touch.
When the daylight came, they never spoke of it, they didn't need to. What good would it do to bring their torment out into the daylight?
After they had been reunited with everyone they continued to sleep together as a family, Carl and Judith between them safe and warm. Sometimes when neither of them were on watch he would reach his arm out over his children, and she would reach out to
hold his hand, and in the dark, for a few moments he could rest peacefully knowing that his children were safe in his arms and he was holding the hand of the woman he loved.
None of that mattered though in the waking hours.
All that mattered now was their survival, finding food to eat, protecting the family, and the long relentless journey they were on. They were on this path to Washington D.C. because of Michonne. He had wanted to give her something to hold on to, something
to live for, something to show her how he felt about her and this was all he had to give. Maybe he should trust her intuition. Maybe she was right and there was a community. Since they had made the decision to continue on to Washington, Michonne had
been taking on more responsibility, quietly sharing his burden of leadership. She had also begun to take a more active role in their decision making process. When it had just been them on the road they had made the decisions together, no one was the
leader, they were a team. Then, when they joined up with everyone else he just continued running things by her. He had gotten used to her calm decision making and had come to rely on her. And now that they were back with the group maybe she wanted
to take on more responsibility, especially for this journey to Washington. Besides, it felt right, having her there next to him, discussing the routes and making the plan for the walkers that had been following them for miles. And then, when Sasha
had gone against their plan, her plan, lashing out in her pain and anger, Michonne had stepped up and set her straight and no one had even questioned her right to assume that role. It just seemed natural for her, for everyone. And now here she was
setting him straight. In front of everyone she just told him how it was going to be and even he didn't question her right to assume that responsibility. It felt natural to him too. He didn't know how it happened or when but he knew it just felt right.
And maybe, just maybe, she wasn't wrong. He owed her the chance to find out if this community was for real.
"If the five of them aren't back in an hour I'll put a knife in the base of your skull."
