BELLA

As I drove towards town, my mind wondering in and out of the nothingness I had replaced 'him' with, a part of my mind – a very small part – noticed the red decorations that hung on every store window and the huge smiles on all the happy couples as they walked hand in hand down the street. What was I missing? It had taken practice but after being completely aware of everyone else's happiness and how pretty much everything made me remember 'him', I had learned to block it all out. Take it all from my mind and throw it away, so why was this starting to break through that hold. The familiar restaurant that Charlie always insisted we went to for dinner was the final crack and realisation hit me as I parked outside it looking at the huge red heart that hung central of the window. Valentines Day. Oh Crap. I wasn't sure how long had passed but it wasn't until the rain poured s strong that I could no longer see the red heart glaring at me that I was finally able to turn the car around and drive home. As I pulled into the drive, the thought I had hoped I could fight from entering my mind consumed me. Esme's Birthday.

"Did you get the books you wanted?" Charlie's voice echoed through the hallway as I shook off the excess water from my hair. I finally caught sight of myself in the mirror -something I tried to do as little as possible – the red puffy eyes were the first thing I was able to focus on. I was crying? I scrubbed at my face, removing the shiny lines that would give Charlie all the evidence he needed. I would not let him see me like this. I couldn't cope with the pained expression that shadowed his face every time he realised just how broken I was. He was never one to hover but there were moments where I was positive he thought I was on the verge of ending things, where he would stay close and checked on me religiously, every time making up an even more preposterous excuse than the last. He appeared in the doorway but he already had a nervous look to him and when he caught sight of my eyes, he didn't seem surprised.

"I got distracted." I admitted but I needed to get away from his watchful stare so I headed towards the kitchen. "You hungry?" I asked without looking back at him.

"I was thinking we could get take out? Pizza?" His voice hopeful.

"Cha…Dad, we always eat out or have take out, it's not healthy." I rolled my eyes, remembering a time when I actually cared about that kind of thing.

"Bells, it's just…" He broke off as he placed his hand on my shoulder to turn me to face him. "Don't take this the wrong way." His expression apologetic. "But you seem to have lost your touch in the kitchen recently."

"No, I haven't." I argued back.

"The last meal you cooked you served me raw chicken in cold maple syrup." His eyebrows rose at me and his mouth made the strangest shape. Did I really do that?

"I don't remember you being sick?" I replied, buying myself time to think through the last few meals I've made.

"Who needs a dog when you have a kitchen window and a daughter who isn't paying much attention." He did that face at me again and I realised why I recognised it. My mum used to do the same face to me when she was telling me that I was a good dancer, not wanting to hurt my feelings.

"Oh." I looked around the kitchen before giving up. "Pizza?"

I sat unmoving, a silhouette in the window of my bedroom to anyone who may pass, watching the world pass me by. I knew the exact reason I sat here but I would refuse to admit it over and over again, always fighting the waging war that played over in my mind. The majority would say I sat here because unlike the television or listening to music, the outside world held nothing for me to trigger a memory. Of course that was lies, apart from his home and the meadow, this was the only other place that held the most of him. His secret entrance into my world, into our secret world where myths and legends existed only to get broken and tangled in a web that Romeo and Juliet would have been proud to say they were apart of. A knock awoke me from my daze.

"Bells, have you seen the remote?" I rolled my eyes again and answered without even turning around.

"No dad, try the sofa you were sitting on." I only whispered the second half under my breath, not wanting to upset him any further. I heard the click of my door shut and turned my attention back to my window.

I picked up the laptop that now sat on the desk where my old rustic computer once sat. Charlie and Renee had got it for me as a Christmas present, I assumed, hoping it would make me want to use it more often and therefore talk to Renee more. To their disappointment it didn't work. Instead it sat open and ready for use but untouched. I clicked on the Internet button and remembering that first day that things finally started clicking into place, I typed in the word that had changed my world forever. Hundreds of links appeared, some to books, films, shows and some I finally recognised. But it was all too broad; I needed a clue that somewhere in the world my fairytale was continuing, just without me.

'The Volturi' I typed, remembering that last story I had been told. More random sites appeared but something caught my eye on one of them. It was a site about fallen angels but the small blurb didn't seem to match what my idea of fallen angels would be. Clicking into it, a large scan of an old painting appeared. It wasn't the same as the one in Carlisle's office but the figures were the same. I looked closer and to my surprise I realised it was set in the same room just a different angle. They were real. It didn't say much beneath the painting, the name followed by the date. I saved the picture and bookmarked the page, wanting a future reference point just in case.

I watched the main search screen, as if I was willing it to type the words in I didn't want to write. Eventually I closed my eyes and allowed my fingers to do the work I didn't want to see. 'Dr Carlisle Cullen' I typed in slowly. I couldn't bare to think of the other name let alone type that in just yet. To my surprise many pages came up but as I clicked into each of them a forbidden or lost page always appeared. I had often wondered although not asked if they changed their names every time they moved, I could only guess at some of the names, if they did but my mind seemed to make up one that wouldn't budge.

'Dr Carlisle Masen' I entered it and waited for the results. Again page after page appeared on the screen, only this time one of the links worked. I looked at the page, his photo appeared and I couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. He hadn't changed a bit and if I was honest, I was shocked at how easy it was to find him. The page was linked to the Christus St Marys Hospital in Port Arthur, Texas. It didn't seem like a good fit for them there, especially given the weather but maybe they wanted a change, somewhere hot… somewhere full of distractions.

As I scrolled down the page I noticed the email address linked to his name. I let the mouse hover over it before clicking on it. I had never imaged I would be able to contact them but what if this really worked. What would I say? Thanks for running away and not even saying bye. No, I was angry at them but I could never be that rude to them. I had looked at them as family since that first day, when Carlisle had spoken those six words to Rosalie, it had ignited hope inside of me.

"She's part of this family now."

I looked at the blank message that filled the screen in front of me. Esme's heart shaped face filled my mind. For the first time I felt insecure about them, I hadn't realised until now that maybe they wouldn't want to hear that I missed them or wanted them to come back and so as I wrote the message, I deleted and started over. After a few attempts I decided to keep it simple and hope that she got the message.

Carlisle,

Please tell Esme Happy Birthday from me.

I hope your all doing well.

Bella

I let the mouse hover again, contemplating sending it. A noise came form behind and jumped jamming the button down and sending it. I hadn't heard Charlie come in and I hadn't noticed him standing over me.

"Is that Carlisle? As in…" he cut off but nodded, waiting for my response.

"Yes. Its Esme's birthday today." I decided honesty was the easiest option. I had clearly been caught and Charlie was a cop after all.

"I didn't realise your still in contact with them." His voice was even but I could hear the faint shadow of something just beneath.

"I'm not. This is the first message… and the last." I blew out the air from my lungs as realisation hit me. They were never going to respond and I was still going to be sitting here in a few weeks time waiting, hopelessly.