"C'mon, we're gonna miss our turn!" Kendall grabbed Tiffany's hand, pulling her along. She was exhausted from jumping from ride to ride, and couldn't quite catch her breath. She managed to let out a loud giggle when Kendall pushed his way through a gaggle of skimpily dressed girls who had been eyeing him.
He ran forward just as the gate closed. The ride operator glared at him, but helped them into their buckles none the less. Tiffany squirmed. She loved the Ferris Wheel.
As it started up, she closed her eyes and laid her head on her boyfriends shoulder. She could feel him mold into her, fitting himself into her side seamlessly. It was the most amazing feeling, knowing that just for right now, there was nothing she could possibly ask for. Kendall pulled a metal ring with a fake gemstone out of his pocket and slipped it on her finger.
"I won it for you," he said, closing her slender hand into his own. She grinned at him.
"Thank you," she replied. It really was a very pretty cheap little ring. The remainder of the ride was deciding which was more beautiful. The prisms that the glass of the gemstone made, or the light in Kendall's eyes.
By the time she stumbled out of her basket however, she was dead on her feet. Her heart sank when Kendall started pulling her towards more rides.
"Kendall?" She dug her heels into the pavement.
He grunted as he tried to break her solidified stance. He dropped her hand and sighed frustratedly. "What, Tiff?"
"I'm so tired, Kendall. Can we just go home?"
"No, no! There's still three or four more that you HAVE to go on!"
"Kendall..."
He looked at her. His eyes were burning. "Just a few more, Tiffany."
She let him grab her hand. But she didn't move. And even as she made up her mind to not let him push her around anymore, his fingernails dug into her wrist in a very painful way. She almost cried out from the suddenness. Her hand was going numb, so choking on words of agreement, she let him pull her along towards the next roller coaster. Feeling flooded back into her fingertips, but she was sure there were tears stinging the corners of her blue blue eyes.
It turned out to be more than three or four rides. Eleven actually. Tiffany wondered if there would be any more rides for them to go on next time they came. Her heart sighed just thinking of another trip like this.
At her door, she dreaded looking him in the eye. He took her hand, and kissed the tips of her fingers. She was smitten and wary at the same time. She loved him as much as she had always had, but she was afraid of saying the wrong thing. What girlfriend should have to be fearful of her soul mate like that?
He didn't try and make any other contact. He merely said, "I'll call you," and walked slowly away.
She watched his back 'til it was out of sight. Then she opened her door and slid inside.
She dreamed that night of a fearless Tiffany, someone she didn't know. She dreamed that there was no imperfection in her lover, and that he kissed her sweetly, rather than roughly. She dreamed of a love she had always wanted, something she knew now, she couldn't have with Kendall. She woke up with a firm resolution. To change him and the idea he had of her, or to end it once and for all.
She didn't know how she had fallen so quickly back into her old ways. She let him push her around all the next day. From what she wore to what she drank, he controlled her. He even conned her into watching her least favorite movie, after promising to let her pick.
She was playing with his fingers as they sat on the couch in 2J, not wishing to look at the gore fest now taking up so much of Kendall's attention.
"Could you stop that, please?" Kendall huffed, annoyed.
She dropped his fingers indifferently. Then she settled down deeper into the couch, farther away from his arm, and determined to not let him get any reaction out of her. He was seeing how far he could push her. She wouldn't let him go any farther.
She tried to concentrate on the movie. To enjoy it as much as she could, no matter how little.
Much to her dismay, the moment she had begun to actually understand whatever plot the movie held, Kendall groaned loudly.
"This movie is so boring," he said, and flipped it off. She didn't look at him. She was too focused on trying to hold in her anger.
"OK," she said steadily. "What do you want to do then?"
She knew the answer even before he turned her head to look at him. His lips brushed against hers, sending the familiar electric feeling up and down her spine. She wrenched herself away from him, and went over to the fridge. It felt odd to be the one ending the kiss. Usually he ended it, leaving her wanting more.
She could feel his shock reverberating through her veins. His arms hadn't been prepared for her sudden flight, and thus, had not grabbed her to him quickly enough.
There was silence as she tried to appear interested in the contents of his refrigerator.
"Um, what are you doing?" Kendall asked harshly.
She pulled out a water bottle in a moment of quick thinking. She held it up for him to see. "Getting a drink?" She turned around suavely, hoping her hand didn't shake as she heard him get up and walk over to her. She would stand her ground. Her time had come. The situation was ideal.
His foot started tapping, and he huffed. Tiffany turned around to face him. His eyes were shocked still, and a little angry. It was better than she'd hoped, however, and she took heart in knowing now was his time to change.
"Why didn't you kiss me?"
"I just didn't want to... just then." She took a deep breath, preparing herself for verbal onslaught.
"So what you just don't love me anymore?" he asked furiously.
"Kendall you're being stupid."
"Tiffany," he said in a deadly way. She raised her eyes to his. He was boiling.
"Tiffany, I don't think I'm stupid for wanting to kiss my girlfriend. I think you're being spoiled."
"As usual," his tone added for him.
"Keep it up and you might not HAVE a girlfriend to kiss!" She wasn't aware that she was yelling. Her entire body was screaming at her to stop. She had never been this angry before, and she was telling herself that he was going to get mad, very mad, and she would be the object. She couldn't fight him. It wouldn't end well.
But her blood was racing too fast for her to calm down. Especially since his reaction was so infuriating.
"Tiffany Rae Layton, what on earth is wrong with you? Your attitude lately is so... annoying. Just get over yourself."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't aware that I was the one screwing up this relationship."
His eyes flashed. She had gone almost past that line. Cool it Tiff, cool it. You wanna change him, not lose him.
"Tiffany..." The flash wasn't gone from his eyes. It was only more intense. She backed up 'til she could feel the counter at her back. She knew he had seen her. She knew he knew that she was afraid.
He pulled her towards him, swinging her towards the other counter. She hit it with a thud, only briefly registering the sharp pain that shot up her hip before she felt Kendall force his lips onto hers. It wasn't like other kisses. It was rough, and she could feel his teeth knock against hers. His tongue entered her mouth while she made to cry out, and he pushed himself towards her in an almost assault. She hadn't wanted this. Never this. Not this way. And she wouldn't have it.
She bit down hard on his bottom lip. The pain sent him staggering backwards, into the living room. She stood there, breathing hard, shaking, wondering if he would tell her to leave or yell. She found she was ready for it though. Whatever he could dish out, she could take. She would change him. She would.
His hand came up to his lip. Blood dripped off of his finger onto the floor. He looked at her from behind his curtain of hair. He was barking mad now. For a moment she didn't know him. She didn't know what he would do. She was trembling as he strode over to her in three huge bounds.
His hand flew across her face, nailing her eye and slamming across her cheek. The pain shot through her as she realized he had sent her crashing back into the counter. She hit it with a loud crack, and crumpled to the floor, clutching her stomach. She fought the urge to retch. Her eyes glued to the floor, she could feel the salt of her tears sting horribly as they ran into the cut above her eye. She didn't dare move. She didn't dare breathe. She was sitting perfectly still, the only sound coming from her lips the sound of her own strangled breathing. She was fighting the urge to wail with difficulty. He had hit her. How could this have happened? She only wanted to change him.
She heard the sound of his boots on the tile come towards her. He was standing above her. She raised her eyes. Triumph was painted on his features. She sobbed, clapping a hand to her mouth. He didn't speak, and neither did she.
She saw his eyes go unfocused, and seeing her chance, ran to the door, fumbling with the knob before stumbling out into the hall, tripping over herself in her haste.
She didn't hear him call her name feebly, or see his eyes go sad and remorseful. She didn't see him sink to the floor, banging his head on the counter, crying tears of guilt. All she was aware of was the sharp pain in her back and the dull ache in her ankle. She tried to wipe away the salt from her cut, but her hand came back with blood, and she began to run. As far as she could get from him.
She washed her cut, biting her tongue at the pain of the antiseptic and splitting it with her teeth on accident. She tried to get the swelling on her eye down, but it hurt her cut too much. She showered instead, washing his scent from her body and the smell of her own sweat and fear. She iced and wrapped her back and ankle and hip, which turned out to be hurting quite a lot, and barely had the energy to cry herself to sleep.
Kendall paced like a caged animal. He felt like if he laid down to sleep, then the insufferable deed would haunt his nightmares. He was pale and sunken, and his features were lined with agony. The injustice he had done Tiffany seemed to be taking a physical toll on him.
What was wrong with him? Why did he hit her like that? He had seen the blood, he had felt the victory. She had bit him. So, he had hurt her back.
Except you were never supposed to hit a girl, and Kendall was 5'11 and she was 5'6, and he weighed 50 pounds more, and she was probably really hurt from hitting the counter that hard. Not to mention even he knew that the feeling he had gotten after he saw her on the ground, the feeling of dominance, wasn't right at all.
"What's the matter with you Kendall? Why aren't you with her right now, begging for forgiveness at her feet?"
Because something inside him told himself that he felt like he couldn't trust himself with her anymore. He felt like he could lose control again, and if he did, he didn't even want to think of what he could do.
He needed help.
For the time being, he couldn't, in good conscience, be around Tiffany. Not as a couple. Not knowing the way his mind thought of her.
He felt like his heart was breaking, accepting the inevitable. But he couldn't have it any other way. He had already lost her, and he couldn't win her back. If there was even a slight hope that they could even be friends again, he would have to try his best to change. He couldn't do it around her, though.
"You're a selfish person, Kendall Knight. You don't deserve her anyway. Not someone so perfect," he said out loud. It was final. He would have to deal.
He went to bed that night in pain and denial, knowing what he had to do.
Her phone rang. She didn't even check the caller ID before she flipped it open.
"Tiffany, don't hang up. I need to say something."
Something in Kendall's voice told her that he really must have needed to. She clamped her mouth shut.
"Tiffany?"
"What?" she said hoarsely.
"I'm sorry."
"So am I."
There was silence. "Tiff, I can't be with you."
She examined her fingernails. The usual threats? Could he sink no lower?
"Tiff, it's over. We're over."
She couldn't believe it. He was serious.
"You are a-" she began, intending to berate him with every single insult she knew.
"I know what I am. And I really am sorry, Tiff. Really. Know that I-"
She hung up.
Breathing heavily, she threw her phone at the wall, watching it break in half, before she screamed into her pillow so loudly that she lost her voice.
In her room, she drowned out her pain in her music.
In rehearsal, he sang as hard as he could, knowing he was flat half the time and didn't get any of the lyrics right.
She walked the streets, trying to grasp how someone she thought she had known had become so cruel.
He paced back and forth, cursing himself for what he had done.
She showered in warm water, letting herself leave her sadness in the tub as it swirled away down the drain.
He took a hot shower, scrubbing his skin until it rubbed raw and cracked.
She lay down in bed feeling better.
He lay down in bed wanting to die.
They both dreamed of each other.
Kendall knew he needed help from someone. He went to the only person he knew would understand. The one person who wouldn't coddle him and presume his innocence. The person who would recognize the act for what it was.
"Hey, Kelly. Is Gustavo around?"
She looked around. "I think he is in his office." She gave him her usual friendly smile, before walking away.
Kendall took a deep breath. He knocked three times firmly on the door.
"What do YOU want?" Gustavo shouted at him when he had been ushered in.
"I have something I need your help with."
"Harmonies?"
"No."
"Piano?"
"No," Kendall replied, getting frustrated.
"Lyrics? Cause you didn't do so well yesterday-"
"NO, not anything to do with recording," Kendall said.
"Oh." Gustavo sat there looking unsure. "Then what?"
Kendall took a deep breath. This was it.
"I did something horrible, and I tried to convince myself I couldn't make it better. I need to be better, do you see? But I can't let anyone go easy on me, I need to feel guilty, to make it better. I need someone to tell me how I can."
Gustavo looked very puzzled, but he nodded gruffly.
"Yes, you get it..." Kendall almost cried tears of relief. The rest would be easy. Except for one question.
"Gustavo, will you help me get better?"
He knew he would. People who didn't know Rocque would think that he was heartless. Only Big Time Rush knew how much he was capable of caring.
He looked hesitant. But he shrugged. Kendall took that for a yes.
Tiffany sat by the pool, in a huge sun hat. She could see her cobalt streak swing in front of her face, but she brushed it away. The sun hat kept her face hidden, and consequently her expression of tiredness. She hadn't been sleeping well lately.
People walked by, trying to peer beneath the huge head adornment. But she would just settle more deeply into her seat and avoid all glances.
She heard a familiar jubilant, throaty laugh. It sent her heart thumping, and she ripped off her sun hat.
Kendall was sitting by the pool, too. But he was with a girl. A pretty blonde girl with chocolate brown eyes. Tiffany burned with jealousy before her heart reminded her of what had happened between them. Her anger was doused in ice.
She turned away from the happy couple, slightly pained, but more wary. He really must not have loved her, if he could so easily pair himself up with another girl only days after. She lay down on her side, and took a deep breath. She would forget about him if it killed her.
Kendall's eyes were roving. He really couldn't stay interested in Jo, not when she was so obviously obsessed with making him her boyfriend. He had never liked girls who threw themselves at him.
But it was all part of Gustavo's plan. One, to assess just how strong Tiffany's feelings were for himself, and two, to give Kendall a practice girl. To keep his anger to himself, he needed someone to practice holding it in on. Jo would serve both purposes. He could see how much Tiffany hurt at seeing him with her, and he could focus on making himself the best, most unselfish, most meek boyfriend ever.
Of course, once he passed the Gustavo test, he would have to dump the poor thing. Kendall's sense of honor told himself it wasn't right to love em and leave em, but Tiffany meant so much more to him than his sense of honor.
He could see her turn her back out of the corner of his eye. He looked back at Jo and hoped the desperation wasn't visible on his face.
He tried to focus on Jo. To not seek those blue eyes he loved. The ones he had gambled and lost in one fatal moment.
He would make himself a new man for her if it was the last thing he did.
She only sighed a little when she saw his music video on MTV. She had been able to heal enough to go on, but she still missed him. It was such an odd feeling. She knew that what he had done was wrong, as wrong as anything had been in her life. But she couldn't stop loving him.
It would be fine. She just needed time.
"When, Rocque?" Kendall asked frustratedly. "When am I ready?"
"I can't work miracles," he growled. That sobered up Kendall instantly. He needed this. He tried not to weep as he buried his face in his hands.
"How long?" he whispered, almost to himself.
An uncharacteristic hand on the shoulder made him look up. Gustavo had an understanding look in his eye.
"It'll be OK, Knight. You just need time."
She screamed at the mirror, hoping to vent the feeling she had whenever she wasn't with him.
"I can't forget," she told her tear-stained reflection.
Today was the day. She couldn't take it.
As she ran down the street, her hair whipping out behind her, Kendall was beaming in the lobby of Rocque records.
"Congrats, dog. Now go get your girl."
As he ran towards the Palm Woods, she was wading into the ocean. Her tunic top billowed out around her pale frame as water came up around her hips. She didn't know what would happen if she went just far enough. She hoped it would all be over by then.
A glint. The little blue plastic ring. The fake diamond. Why hadn't she taken it off?
The sun shone in her eyes. It almost dipped below the edge of the earth before she turned around and waded back out.
Whatever essence of himself Kendall kept in that ring, it had kept her from whatever she had been intending to do. Tears poured down her face. Why did life have to be so hard?
She dropped to her knees. She wished that she had him now. She had never wanted anyone like she wanted him.
As she cried her soul onto the white sand, Kendall burst through the door of her apartment. He combed room after room. She wasn't there. He went to everyone he knew. No-one had seen her. And he couldn't wait.
As he went back outside, rain and a warm breeze greeted him. He thought it had been clear a moment ago. Yellow and gray clouds blocked all but a few rays of sun, and the raindrops glistened like angels tears. It was beautiful, but Kendall had only eyes for one kind of beauty.
He walked in any direction. He walked until he could see the horizon blurred through haze and rain. He saw a thin figure walking towards him. Light gray tunic top stuck to her skin with water, shorts invisible beneath it's length. Brown hair plastered to her face and shoulders, with a single cobalt blue streak shining like a rescue beacon through the milky golden light of sun through rain clouds.
He didn't run. He didn't know if he could.
She had looked up.
Maybe she had killed herself. Maybe this was a dream. Maybe him standing there in t-shirt and jeans, green eyes gleaming was all that had been waiting for her on the other side.
Except when they met, his hands on her arms felt completely real. Warm skin against cold and clammy.
When he didn't get closer, she knew she wasn't dreaming. They had another chance.
She let herself melt into his arms. She let him kiss her, and knew by the way he held her that all had changed. She knew it would be different from now on.
She let him take her hand.
"Forgive me, Tiffany."
Her eyes were streaming and smiling at the same time. "I already have."
He vowed then and there that he would be hers forever.
She swore she would never love another.
After going through so much, it seems odd that they were able to forget so easily. But that's what love is all about.
They walked into the dewy twilight together.
I know, I know. This was super corny. Not my best. But I've been working on it forever, and any changes I make will simply make it more beat-around-the-bush like. XD So, here it is. I hope it wasn't too confusing or anything. Sorry for all the breaks. I didn't know how to divide it.
And last and most important of all, I hope that xHelloFreakingKittyx likes this. It's her fic after all.
Review if you care to tell me what you liked. Or what you didn't.
xoxoxo
~Starbucks
