AN: I'll give you the quick and dirty here. Love to Mel, for pre-reading and, of course, to Mollie who makes this little number here so much better and easier to read.
Again, if you have not read the full story of Unplanned Perfection, you will not fully understand this outtake, so please do that first.
All recognizable stuff belongs to Stephenie Meyer.
XXXXX
Unplanned Perfection Outtake 1: EPOV of Finding Marlin
EPOV
"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me," I grumbled loudly as I rolled over.
I was lying in my bed and I had just woken up from the most incredibly erotic dream. In fact, it was so erotic that it was my orgasm that woke me up. I had just had my first wet dream since I was fifteen and my pants and sheets were absolutely fucking soaked.
Motherfucker, what is this woman doing to me?
I peeled off my pants and used them to clean myself up as much as possible before slipping out of bed and into the shower.
I had jacked off multiple times a day ever since she ran into me in the kitchen. As if her hands on my chest wasn't enough to stimulate the extreme lust I had for her, she had to go and flick my fucking nipple stud. I could normally handle girls touching it. I got it because I already had sensitive nipples and it just gave me that extra bit of pleasure, but Jesus Christ, when Bella did it, I nearly lost all control. I tried really hard to will away the erection she had caused, but then she had to go and touch me again, softly fingering the fox on my shoulder. Her fingers felt like strands of silk as she asked me what it meant.
After my break-up with Tanya, I swore to myself that I would never, ever let myself fall into a woman's trap again. I was smarter than that. I had let myself coast because I had a woman who gave me pussy or head any time I wanted it and forgave me for straying when I got bored, which was frequently. To be honest, Tanya wasn't very adventurous. She liked to stick to the bedroom and she had limited positions that she'd go for. I'd get the occasional blow job in the living room or when we were in high school, she'd do it in the car; but I wanted more. I didn't know exactly what more would look like, but I knew that I needed to feel something, anything. No matter how long I was with Tanya, she always left me feeling...empty.
In any case, when I finally kicked her to the curb I decided that I needed a reminder. I didn't just want to get a tattoo for the sake of it looking good. I wanted it to actually mean something. I was searching through symbols and their meanings for weeks before I finally came upon the fox. When I read about desire and passion my thoughts had strayed; strayed backwards to the only girl that had lit me up like a fucking Christmas tree. Bella. That's what I wanted; a girl who could make me tremble with a simple look and not even realize she was doing it.
And of course, when I read the rest of the meaning, it fit perfectly. I had always been cunning; always had a strategy for getting what I wanted, well almost always. I ignored the fact that I had fucked that all up when it came to Bella. I would never let that happen again and that tattoo would remind me.
I was almost thrown off by the antagonistic expression of sweet innocence and sexual intensity on her face as she looked up at me, staring into my hungry eyes. And I was really fucking hungry. If we hadn't been on such unsteady ground or in such a public area, with my mother and Charlie just outside, I would have taken it much farther. I could just picture her sprawled naked on the island with my face buried between her thighs. That would have been the only breakfast I ever needed. God, if I ever got the chance again, I would spend a fucking eternity worshiping her pussy with my mouth and my tongue and my...
Aaaaaaaand here we go, hard as a rock...again.
I stroked myself into oblivion and shot my load down the drain. After getting dressed, I stripped the bed of its sheets. I decided that I would be doing my own laundry from now on. My mom had been doing it, which was a nice perk of living at home, but knowing that there was jizz lurking made me feel like I was a horny fucking teenager again and I was trying to move forward, not backwards.
The week had not been going well. I was agitated and taking it out on Bella.
Not exactly the way to win the girl fuckhead.
First off, on Monday, Bella told me that her hours were going to be increasing and that she'd need to find a daycare for Charlie. Look, I have nothing against daycare...well, okay, maybe I do. I don't know why. I didn't know anything about daycare other than what I had seen in movies and on the news. Why is it that you can always recall shit you didn't even realize you were listening to when it's you in the position? All of the sudden, all of the news stories that I'd ever heard about came flooding back. The kid who got left strapped in the daycare van for hours; the daycare worker accused of some sort of abuse. Kids that learned to pinch and bite and spit. There was no fucking way I was going to let Charlie be exposed to that if I didn't have to. The problem? Bella. She refused to even consider the idea of a nanny, even on a part-time basis. She didn't seem to understand the fear that I had about it. I just didn't want anything bad to happen. I was his father, it was my job to protect him. I know that Bella had every good intention and that she wouldn't ever let anything happen to him, but I think that on this point, she was just being fucking stubborn. This caused another nasty argument that resulted in me yelling at her and her shutting me down and walking away.
On top of that, I kind of thought that once we had told Charlie that I was his daddy that he'd take to it; that he would just start calling me that, especially after he asked, but he didn't. He still called me 'Eward' and it was really fucking frustrating. I had been so excited by the prospect of hearing him call me daddy for the first time. I craved it. I could only imagine that it would have been exactly like that had I been around when he first started talking; anxiously waiting.
"I'm sure he will, Edward. He had no problem calling me Auntie," Alice said, patting my shoulder on Wednesday morning.
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I grumbled.
Alice huffed. "Yes, it is. Calling someone Auntie or Uncle is a lot easier to adjust to than calling them Daddy. Your roll in his life is so much more profound."
I stared at her. I know she was trying to comfort me, but all it did was create more anxiety. What if he never called me 'daddy'? Did that mean he wasn't willing to accept me? Was he having trouble calling me that because he thought that someone else already held that position?
That thought set me off and I had to spend twenty minutes secluded in my room banging things around. And then I was late to work and got a stern look from Dr. Oleander. I knew how he felt about it. Even though it was volunteer work and he was flexible, he still expected me to be on time.
Thursday morning, I'd had it. Alice had informed me that morning before she left for work that Riley would be joining us for Bella's birthday in Seattle. Add that to the fact that I was wondering if Charlie thought of that fucker as his daddy and I lost my shit.
Bella tried to assure me, just as Alice had, but she definitely had more success. Her hands travelling up and down my forearm gently was soothing and comforting. I couldn't help but find my irritation melting away. Not all of it, but a good portion of it. Of course, the minute that I left her to go to work, I was immediately on edge again.
Friday, I decided to take some initiative. I wanted Bella to see that she could trust me to think about things ahead of time. So on my lunch hour, I drove to one of those baby stores that carried car seats. As I looked at the rows and rows of baby shit, I got a little freaked out.
I am in waaaaay over my head.
I heard a feminine cough to my side and noticed a girl standing next to me. She looked amused.
"Why hello there. My name's Sasha. You look a little lost. Is there something I can help you find?" she purred.
She was cute, with blond hair cut really short, almost pixie like, and hazel eyes. She was short, a little bit shorter than Bella and had an athletic build. Not really athletic, like muscles everywhere, but from what I could see in her skin tight jeans and short sleeved top, she was extremely firm.
"Hi Sasha," I said with a warm smile. "I'm Edward. I need a car seat; or a booster seat. I don't know."
She looked at me curiously. "You don't know what you need, Edward?" I heard the suggestion in her voice. I needed to think quick. As cute as she was, I was getting a little uncomfortable. There was only one woman that I needed anything from. I didn't want to give this Sasha any indication that I was interested, but at the same time, I needed help.
"I want the best you've got for a three-year-old little boy."
"Oh, well how much does he weigh and how tall is he?" she asked, slipping into sales mode.
Well, shit, am I supposed to know this information?
"Um, Uh...I...I think he's about thirty five pounds," I stuttered. I looked around and noticed there was a cardboard measuring thing at the end of the isle. I stood by it and pointed out where Charlie came up to on my leg.
"He's about this tall," I chuckled, slightly embarrassed.
"So, he's just under three feet. Okay, well, we've got several selections. I think a convertible would be best for you."
I raised my eyebrows. We were talking about car seats, not cars, she knew that, right?
"A convertible car seat," she laughed, noticing my confusion.
"Oh, what does that mean?"
"A car seat that has a five point harness now, but that is adjustable to use with just the seat belt strap as he grows. Is this...is this for your nephew, Edward?"
And, here we go.
Now, I was getting a little irritated. She obviously wasn't understanding my subtle rejection. I shook my head. "No, this is for my son."
I could see her trying to work me out in her head. Her eyes narrowed and her head tilted. I should have already had a seat or at least known what it was that I was looking for. I should have known how much he weighed and how tall he was. If he was mine, I should have known all that, but I didn't. Fuck.
She didn't question me though, at least not out loud. She looked down at my naked left hand and then back up at my face before smiling and leading me towards the seats.
She showed me three different models. In the end, I chose the Britax Frontier. She said it had some of the highest ratings and that's what I wanted.
"I can ring you up this way," she said, leading me towards one of the tills. "If you take it to the fire station, they can show you how to install it correctly."
"Really?"
She nodded with a grin. "Yes, really. The guy who does it is there Monday through Friday. I don't know his hours, but my guess is that he'll probably be there."
She rang me up. "That'll be three hundred and two dollars and thirty-nine cents with tax."
Shit! For a fucking car seat? Was it made of gold?
"Is there anything else that I can get for you while you're here?" She said flicking her tongue out to wet her bottom lip. I swear a few months ago I would have taken her up on her offer, but not anymore.
"I think that's it, thank you," I said politely.
"Oh," Sasha frowned. "Well, make sure you hold on to your receipt in case there is a problem, and if you need anything else or have any questions, my number is at the bottom."
Sneaky little thing.
I chuckled. "Thank you, but I'm sure my son's mother can help me with anything that I need."
Was I insinuating that Bella and I were together? Yes, but it was the only way I could think of to let the girl in front of me know that I would not be calling her without sounding like a total prick. Well, that, and I just liked the sound of it.
I took the car seat to the fire station and just like the baby store girl had said, there was a guy on duty that installed it. He installed it once and then took it out again and watched me as I installed it myself.
I didn't know how Bella would feel about me doing that and I wasn't sure if I'd ever really need it, but I wanted her to see that I was in this one hundred percent. Little did I know I'd need it so soon.
Saturday morning, Bella had finally had enough of my moping.
"Edward, why don't you take Charlie to a movie?" she said as we sat in silence, drinking our coffee.
My head shot up with the force of a trebuchet.
Did she really just ask me that?
"Yes, I really did just ask you that?" she laughed. Apparently, my inner monologue wasn't so inner.
"You need to spend some time together, just the two of you. Besides, your mom and I are working on Carlisle's office today. You can occupy Charlie and get your moody ass out of the house at the same time." Bella smiled at me, but I could see the anxiety behind it. She was nervous about me taking him by myself. And, if I was honest, I was just as nervous, if not more so.
"Let me see what movies are playing and the times and I'll let you know, okay?"
I nodded, kind of stupefied. "Yeah, okay."
Bella finished up her coffee and put her mug in the dishwasher before heading out.
"Can you keep an eye on Charlie for a few?"
I glanced over at my son, who was currently laying on his stomach on the floor across from Jasper. A chess board was perched between them and Jazz was explaining the finer points of the game. Bella followed my gaze.
"Jasper, you do realize he's only three," she said raising her eyebrows.
"Of course I do," Jasper said, without looking up. "This is the perfect age to start teaching him about strategy."
Bella wrinkled her nose and glanced sideways at me.
"Don't look at me," I laughed.
"I'll be right back," she mumbled, leaving me to watch Jasper's lessons.
XXXXX
"Mom, what do I do if I lose him?"
I was standing in the doorway to Carlisle's office. My mom was taking notes on what needed to be done.
She laughed. "You're not going to lose him, Edward."
"How do you know that?"
"Because, sweetheart, you are a good father."
I looked at her dubiously.
"You are, honey. You just have to give yourself a chance."
And what could I say to that? Everyone said to give it time, so that's what I would do.
Bella seemed impressed when I told her I didn't need her car seat and that I had gotten the guy at the fire station to install it. Score, that's exactly what I had hoped would happen.
But then she said I amazed her. Yes, I amazed her, but not enough to make her love me, not yet anyway. I suppose that liking me was a good first step though, right?
XXXXX
Charlie talked almost non-stop in the car. He asked me questions about everything from why my car was so clean to why I had black marks on my arm.
We got to the theatre and I ordered a big tub of popcorn. I'd seen how that kid ate. He could probably eat the entire thing by himself. I didn't know if Bella allowed soda so I got lemonade instead. I'm not sure if that was much better, it tasted like it was full of sugar.
The movie theatre was almost vacant save for a teenage couple mauling each other in the back row and a woman with two kids sitting a few rows ahead of us.
Charlie was sitting in his seat for all of about two minutes when he figured out that the seats could fold up if he lifted himself up a little.
His eyes lit up and he grinned excitedly at me. I couldn't take away his fun just yet, but after a few minutes of that annoying clang every time the seat bounced up I had to make it stop.
"Charlie, it's time to sit down, the movie's starting."
That bought me another five minutes of silence. And then it started; the non-stop commentary.
"Oh, that's Woody; that's Buzz. Why are they in the bag? Is the trash man going to take them away?"
Answers I didn't have the questions to. Not that I didn't try. A little while later I did actually make an attempt.
"Who's that?"
"I think that's Ken."
"What's he doing?"
"He's trying on clothes."
"Why?"
"I don't know, to impress Barbie?"
"What's im-press mean?"
"Um...he wants to look good so Barbie will like him."
"Oh. Did you impress Mommy?"
I snorted. "I certainly hope so."
About half-way through the movie, Charlie's fidgeting was at an all time high. He stood up and used the back of the seat in front of us as a launching post.
As annoying as it was, I couldn't help but laugh. That is until the little bugger started choking.
I sat up straight and pounded him on the back as firmly as I could without hurting him. My heart was in my fucking throat.
The look of distress on his face made me feel completely helpless. I should have known what to do, but at that moment, I didn't. I handed him the lemonade and watched as his wide eyes and bright red face returned to normal. What were the chances of something serious happening like, oh, I don't know, say my kid choking to death on a piece of popcorn the first time his mother trusted me to take him somewhere. Fuck!
"Why don't you sit down and sit still," I breathed out.
Charlie nodded. He managed to stay in his seat for the rest of the movie, but as for sitting still, well...
After the movie we headed over to the malt shop. It was already one and if I brought him home without having eaten something other than popcorn and lemonade, Bella was going to have my ass.
"Are you hungry?"
"Uh huh!"
"Good," I said, motioning for him to move into a booth.
He crawled on his hands and knees and I grimaced at the thought of all the fucking germs that were on that seat.
Uh, I don't think so.
"You know what, Charlie, let's go sit up at the counter."
"Okay," he agreed easily, climbing back out.
But first, I needed to get his hands clean. I took him to the bathroom and sent him into one of the stalls to pee. I knew he was potty trained, but hopefully he wouldn't need any help. When I heard the toilet flush and he came back out, I assumed he didn't and I helped him wash his hands. When we came back out I helped him hop up onto one of the red vinyl covered stools.
The waitress came over and I coughed to hide my laugh. She was the stereotypical 1950's diner waitress. She was about sixty-five, her short graying hair was dyed orange, but the roots were already grown out and still grey. She was wearing a titty pink dress with a white apron over it. She had blue eye shadow on and was smacking on a piece of gum.
"My name's Norma, what can I get for ya?" she asked, popping her gum with a smile and a wink in my direction.
Did that woman just hit on me?
I shuddered and chuckled. It was funny in a disturbing kind of way.
"Uh..."
"I'm hungry," Charlie piped up.
"Well, you're in the right place then, sweetie."
She waited patiently as I looked over the menu.
"You like burgers?" I asked Charlie.
He nodded.
"Why don't we get two hamburgers and a couple of chocolate milkshakes."
"Sure thing, honey, coming right up."
I watched as Charlie inhaled three fourths of that burger and the entire milkshake. He wasn't kidding, he really was hungry. At the end of our meal, I tipped Miss Norma generously and gave her a wink as we left. I swear, the woman fucking blushed. Funny how her doing the exact same thing had a totally different effect on me.
I strapped Charlie securely into the car and jumped in, putting on a little Chopin for ambiance. Five minutes into the drive, I looked into the rear-view mirror and saw that his little head was slumped against the headrest of his seat, his mouth hanging open.
I smiled to myself. My kid was definitely adorable, even with the little bit of drool and was dripping down his chin.
I didn't drive as fast as I normally did. Not only did I not want to take the risk of getting into an accident with Charlie in the car, but I wanted to savor the moment.
Pulling up into the driveway, I was almost regretful that our 'date' was over, but hopefully, it wouldn't be the last.
I pulled Charlie from his seat and carried him to the house. Bella and my mom were waiting just inside the door.
I could see Bella giving him the once over, but I suppose I didn't mind. I knew that she would find him in perfect condition.
I went to set him down on the sofa, and just as I let go, he opened his eyes and smiled at me.
"I love you, Daddy," Charlie yawned and turned over.
My heart stopped; my body froze and the inside of my mind was like a fucking tornado.
"I...I love you too, buddy."
Fuck!
It was all I could get out. I was stunned. It was exactly what I had been waiting for and yet I didn't know how to react. I stood up and turned to face Bella. I watched as her face broke out into a grin. I wanted to return it, but I couldn't.
"Ah..."
I had to get out before I completely broke down. I pushed past Bella and ran upstairs. I barely got the door closed before I collapsed onto my knees and let out a low shuddering sob. I could not control the tears as they rolled down my face.
So many years. So many fucking years wasted. I should have been there. I should have been there to welcome him into the world, to watch him grow; to hold him when he cried, and comfort him when he was scared or hurt. I'd even take the shitty diapers over this fucking pain in my chest. How could I be feeling so many emotions at one time? Love, fear, regret, heartache. My whole body was throbbing and I felt my heart pounding in my ears. Bella had stolen all of that from me. My cocksucking behavior had caused her to hide him from me. I had actually hated her for bringing my child into this world. I hadn't wanted it; fatherhood. How could I not want something so incredibly amazing? No wonder my mother had been so angry with me. I would have wanted to kick my ass out too.
I stayed on the floor like that, with my head buried in my hands for what felt like forever. Eventually, the pounding went away and I made my way to my bathroom to scrub my face, hoping to rid myself of all the evidence of my breakdown. I looked up at myself in the mirror and I couldn't help but smile. He had called me daddy. He had finally fucking called me daddy.
When I returned to the kitchen, Bella was there with my mother. She handed me a cup of coffee just as Mom excused herself. Bella tried to make small talk, but I just needed a few more seconds.
Finally, when she asked about the movie, I was able to speak.
I recalled the experience almost automatically, but there was only one thing really on my mind.
"Do you think he meant it?" I asked, suddenly changing the subject. I was talking about him saying that he loved me. I was scared that maybe he had said it accidentally. Kids do that sometimes, didn't they? Say things that they had heard and didn't actually mean?
"Did you?" Bella asked, looking me directly in the eyes.
Of course I fucking meant it. And I suppose that's what Bella's point was. Every day that child meant more and more to me and I couldn't imagine my life without him. I could only pray to God that I would never have to.
XXXXXX
AN: So there you have it. Thank you everyone for all of your understanding about me needing a little break.
I know that outtakes usually get less traffic, but I would still love to hear from you. I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to do the teasers for next week. For those who continue to review the last full chapter (His Muse) I will send the review teaser for next week, but I may send out a little somethin somethin with the review replies for this outtake as well.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! I WILL SEE YOU ALL IN 2011.
