So you all, I watched the final problem and I thought it was awful. So I'm doing my version of the episode to show how to do some proper things, I hope you enjoy, but if you don't I don't give a shit. Enjoy!
(The episode starts with a girl sleeping on a plane, she wakes up and her cell phone is ringing.)
Girl: I thought I had turned this shit off, people always say you can't use your cell phone on airplanes.
(She looks to her side and everyone is sleeping)
Girl: But I guess no one is going to care. Hello.
Jim: Hello.
Girl: Who the fuck are you? Why are you calling me so late? You better have some good explanations because I'm pissed off right now.
Jim: My name is Jim Moriarty.
Girl: Never heard of.
Jim: But I have some good things to tell you. (Laughs deviously)
Girl: What the fuck! You are a pedophile!
( The girl hangs up and Jim calls her again)
Girl: Oh no this bitch again.
Jim: Just let me tell you…
Girl: I don't want to hear your ugly voice again, otherwise I'm calling the police, I'm on a plane ok? I don't want it to fall because of me.
(She hangs up again and Jim calls one more time)
Jim: Welcome to the final…
Girl: Nope.
(She hangs up one last time and starts sleeping.)
(Opening)
(It cuts to a scene where Mycroft is watching porn on his telly, when suddenly it explodes and he stays in the dark)
Mycroft: what the fuck? Who interrupted my porn?
(A little girl appears and starts laughing)
Mycroft: How the hell did you got in here?
(The Little girl goes away, Mycroft walks through his hallway in the dark when a dark as fuck clown appears out of nothing in a creepy way).
Mycroft: This cannot be real.
(He picks up his umbrella sword)
Mycroft: stay back bitch.
Clown: No.
(Mycroft stabs the clown in the heart and he dies. All the lights in the house turn on and Sherlock enters the room)
Sherlock: hey bro.
(Sherlock sees the stabbed clown lying on the floor)
Sherlock: WHAT THE FUCK MYCROFT? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU STABBED MICHAEL?
Mycroft: Who's Michael?
Sherlock: My friend, he was dressed as a clown.
Mycroft: Well he is dead now, too bad you have an awful sense of humor, you interrupted my porn and made this stupid joke, now Michael is dead.
Sherlock: I should have hidden your umbrella sword.
Mycroft: And who was the little girl?
John (with a wig): me.
Mycroft: Wow. What the hell are you two doing here?
Sherlock: tell him John.
John: Your secret sister shot me in the face.
Mycroft: Who…?
John: Oreos.
Mycroft: Oh, that one. Right, and how is that you are here now and not in an hospital?
John: Who Cares?
Sherlock: You have many things to explain now brother.
Mycroft: Ok, but now we have to hide Michael's corpse, help me out bitches.
(The three of them dig a grave in Mycroft's backyard and put Michael's dead body in there. Then they go to 221B to talk about Oreos.)
Mycroft: So… Where do I begin?
Sherlock: First tell me how do I have a secret sister and I don't remember her at all.
Mycroft: Well, that is very simple. Do you like oreos?
Sherlock: No, I hate this shit.
Mycroft: Well that's why.
John: Bloody hell, it makes sense.
Sherlock: But why did she shoot John?
Mycroft: Well I have to tell you a little story.
Sherlock: I love stories.
Mycroft: It all started when our mom got pregnant out of an Oreo.
Sherlock: WHAT?!
Mycroft: Yeah, our dad did a vasectomy but our mom got pregnant even so, therefore the only possible explanation was that she ate a lot of oreos and it made her get pregnant. It's scientifically explainable, the white part in the oreos are made out of sperm, that's what our mom said and she can't be wrong since she is a scientist.
Sherlock: Oh MY MY.
John: Or maybe your mom cheated on your father?
Mycroft: Jesus Christ John, shut the fuck up, what a braggy bitch. So let me continue my story. Oreos were born a premature genius, mom said when she was born the first word she said was "unconstitutionally".
Sherlock: Mmm so she was smarter than us?
Mycroft: You are right.
John: I don't even know what this word means nowadays.
Mycroft: See… she was ahead of her time. However, Oreos did not use her intelligence to do good things, she was an evil brat. When we were young we had a babysitter called Nancy, Oreos did not like her at all, so one day when she was five she said "Nancy, my ball fell on the roof, can you get it for me?" and Nancy was like: "Oh, of course my dear." So Nancy spent half an hour trying to climb the roof and when she got up there she said "I don't see any ball here darling." And Oreos was like: "Because there isn't any ball, suck it bitch".
Sherlock: Oh my God! It only gets worse.
Mycroft: I know brother.
John: So… that's all she did?
Mycroft: No. Eventually she killed Nancy, but after the ball prank, it was the least she could do to the poor Nancy.
Sherlock: I agree.
John: What more can you tell us about Oreos?
Mycroft: She was into sadomasochism. She spanked all her friends in school.
John: Oh, like Mary did to me.
(Everybody stares at John)
John: Heheh, Just Kidding folks.
Mycroft: All right then. So after killing Nancy we decided that Oreos should go to a prison. First I just tried to put her in a cage on our yard, but this plan didn't work, Oreos used her mind tricks and made our new babysitter release her.
John: How she did it?
Mycroft: She offered her oreos.
John: Classic.
Mycroft: Then I had to build a larger and safer prison.
John: And haven't you think that she could escape the same way she did in the cage?
Mycroft: No, Why would I?
Sherlock: Yeah John you are not making sense bitch.
John: Well she did escape, since she just shot me in the face.
Sherlock: John don't be redundant, it is very clear that the woman that shot you was a cyborg that Oreos constructed in prison.
Mycroft: Yes Sherlock, my little brother, you always get it right.
(Suddenly a cyborg kicks the door and enters the room, she looks like the bitch from The Ring, but sexier and smarter, also she looks like a repressed My Chemical Romance fan.)
Oreosborg: Oh, my two favorites bitches and John.
Mycroft: What are you doing here Oreosborg?
Oreosborg: Jesus brother just came here to check my pals, can't I?
Sherlock: No, not after what you did with Nancy.
Oreosborg: Oh… So Mycroft told you about her… But did he tell you the whole story?(winks in a sexy way).
Sherlock: What does she means?
Mycroft (sweating): Uhh… I have no idea.
Sherlock: You shot John, go away stay out of our lives…
(John's eyes shine)
John: Thank you She.
Sherlock: You are welcome, sweetie.
John: No homo bro.
Oreosborg: Ownnn… Defending your boyfriend, you are so cute Sherlock, it would be a shame if I threw a grenade at you two right now.
(Oreosborg's arms starts moving in a weird way and it looks like she is either having a seizure or doing a very strange emo dance)
Oreosborg: What the fuck, this thing is not working! Throw grenade! Shit!
(Oreosborg now starts twerking and it seems like she is about to explode)
Oreosborg: Can someone come here and help me? Jim what the fuck, your cyborg is not working.
John: Guess she is not that genius after all.
(Sherlock laughs. John is so funny… and lovely.)
Oreosborg: Well fuck this shit. I strongly recommend you guys come to prison visit your beautiful sister, aka me, I prepared a lot of nice games for you all. In addition, I would recommend you all get out of here because this cyborg is about to auto destructs itself.
( The cyborg is about to explode. John grabs Sherlock hands and they jump out of the window together in a very straight way and 221 B explodes, also we do not know what happened to Mycroft, but we don't care about him so fuck it.)
( John and Sherlock are lying on the ground with not a scratch.)
Sherlock: John, are you okay?
John: Yeah, yeah, thank you for defending me against your evil sister's cyborg.
Sherlock: I would do anything for you John…
John (stares at him) : Wou… would you?
Sherlock (with a glimpse in his eyes) : Yeah John, anything you ask me.
John: Ok, bring Mary back to life.
Sherlock (hurt): Bitch what the fuck.
John: You said anything…
Sherlock: Ok bye. I don't have super powers to bring your sadomasochist girlfriend back to life, and as far as I'm concerned I don't have any dragon balls here with me.
(Sherlocks rushes through the street, John follows him.)
John: Where are you going?
Sherlock: I am going to see someone that can get us to Oreos prison fast.
John: Who?
(The scene cuts and they are in someone else's apartment)
Mrs Hudson: Hello my baker street bitches.
Sherlock: Hey Huds, so do you still have that expensive motorboat?
Mrs Hudson: Of course dear, I always use it. Why?
Sherlock: I was thinking if you could get me and John somewhere fast, to my sister's prison.
Mrs Hudson: I don't know where this is dear.
Sherlock: At the sea.
Mrs Hudson: Okay, now I know. Of course I can get you two there. But let's say only party hard people get on my boat… (Stares at them maliciously)
( John and Sherlock look at each other confusedly)
(Then we cut to a scene where John Sherlock and Mrs Hudson are on an expensive boat, listening that song 'Like a G6'. Mrs Hudson Twerks at John and Sherlock starts to drink vodka and dance with Mrs Hudson hugging her. John and Sherlock dance with her and she twerks on them pouring herself more vodka.)
John: That's some good shit.
Mrs Hudson: WHERE ARE MY PARTY PEOPLEEE?
( John and Sherlock raise up their hands dancing to the beat, Sherlock looks a little drugged but that's okay it's only molly (ps: no sherlolly intended with this phrase)).
Sherlock: I feel like kissing someone.
John: Mm… Really? Whom would you like to kiss?
Sherlock: Well, it is someone that is here on the boat.
John (biting lips) : Who would it be?
Sherlock: Mrs Hudson!
(Sherlock and Mrs Hudson starts to make out very hardcore, John stares at this scene very hurt and confused, we don't know why, maybe it's because he likes Mrs Hudson too).
