The tears were streaming down Santana's face as she fell onto her bed. She had done the same thing so very many times, she was sure that there could be no more tears for her to shed. Every night she would be like a robot around her parents. When they were there that is, she would push her dinner around the plate, answer any questions about school or the cheerios at the rare family dinners, then walk upstairs and cry herself to sleep. Santana's dreams were all about Brittany, they always were. At least in the dreams, she got to see the blonde, be close to her. Every morning, Santana would get up and dress quickly then grab her coat and leave. She hated mornings with her parents; it was the one time they saw their daughter and it was like an interrogation. This meant that she would always arrive early to school and she now had a habit of going to the auditorium and pouring her heart into a song, or playing the piano until her fingers ached. These were Santana's means of escape. Music.
Monday:
Finn had clearly forgotten how to stand. He was making a ridiculous amount of noise and he had woken Kurt up; never a good thing to do on a Monday morning. Grumbling as he pulled of his sleep mask, Kurt sat up and padded over to his bathroom and began to exfoliate and detox and cleanse and...
An hour later, Kurt got into his car and set off for school. He knew he was early but he needed to get out of the house. Finn was still stumbling around with his eyes half closed. Kurt pulled into the parking lot and took his usual spot. He sat in his car for a while, not really sure where he should go in school so early in the morning. He finally decided on a Glee practice for the latest assignment and gathered his stuff before heading off to the auditorium.
Santana had opted for piano as well as singing today. She was in a particularly sorrowful mood and she needed a good release. She placed her shaking hands over the ivory keys and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Her hands began to flow over the keys as she began to lose herself in the music. She wasn't playing a particular melody, just playing what came to her naturally. After a while the tears that had been threatening broke the banks; a lone tear trailed a path down her cheek, paving the way for more signs of the brunette's sorrow.
Kurt was sure he could hear music. Maybe he was going mad. He rounded the corner and was standing at the doors to the auditorium and there was the music, real after all. He was so relieved to not have been hearing things that it took him a second to begin listening to the music. It was beautiful. The melody was so sorrowful and deep that it took Kurt's breath away. He had no idea who had so much hurt inside of them that it could make them create such a song. The notes slowed a little and harmonies became more prominent, complimenting the melody in such a way that made Kurt blink back tears before he quietly pushed open the door and slipped inside the room.
Staying in the shadows, Kurt slid along the seats and sat in the back row. He peered over at the piano, expecting to see Brad or even Rachel. The one person he did not expect was the person he saw. Santana. She was bent over slightly, her hands still flying over the keys and her eyes shut. He had never seen someone look so peaceful and so broken at the same time. The way the shoulders were hunched and her knees together made Santana look nothing like her usual self. Sure she had been uncharacteristically quiet lately when Kurt thought about it he hadn't heard her speak or sing for at least two weeks. In glee, she would always just sit at the back with her expression blank. She never sang and never ever danced. It was now that Kurt realized that every single member of the glee club and even Mr. Shue had missed the clear signs that Santana was going into a meltdown. He now realized that they had sat back and paid no attention while whatever issues the Latina had were sending her spiraling into a deep depression.
While he had been thinking, Kurt had not noticed the melody slow and a vaguely familiar song begin to weave its way into the notes. After a minute or so, Kurt realized that the song was When She Loved Me from Toy story (Sam's siblings were almost obsessed with the movie and Kurt could not say no to children as cute as them so when he was helping Sam out, he had watched it at least 50 times). Once again sidetracked, Kurt's daydream was broken by Santana's tear filled voice as she began to sing.
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful.
Every hour spent together, lives within my heart.
And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears,
And when she was happy so was I.
When she loved me.
When she sang this, Santana's voice cracked and Kurt had to stop himself from running to comfort her.
Through the summer and the fall, we had each other that was all,
Just she and I together like it was meant to be.
And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her,
And I knew that, she loved me.
So the years went by, I stayed the same,
But she began to drift away. I was left alone,
Still waiting for the day when she'd say I will always love you.
Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way.
Then she smiled at me and held me just like she used to do.
Like she loved me,
When she loved me.
When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,
Every hour spent together, lives within my heart.
When she loved me.
The song finished but Santana did not. She went straight into another song that Kurt presumed she was making up as she went along. Before today he did not even know Santana could play the piano never mind play like this. Bit by bit, he began to piece together things he had seen over the past two to three weeks, trying to figure out the reason for Santana's sorrow. Just as he ran out of ideas, an idea hit Kurt. Two weeks previous; he had been on his way to math when Kurt saw it. All he saw was Brittany try to hug Santana, who was crying, and be pushed away. Santana said something Kurt didn't quite catch. The only words he heard were 'fluid' and 'stuck' and the Latina ran off down the hall. Put together with the looks on Santana's face whenever she saw Artie... Kurt's mouth formed an 'o' as he realized. The song was about Brittany. Santana loved Brittany.
Not wanting to disturb the Latina, Kurt silently crept out of the auditorium and off to the choir room. All through the day, he could think of nothing but how hard it must have been for Santana to struggle through this alone and to see the person she loved be with someone else. When the bell finally rang he headed off for Glee club and took his usual seat. A few minutes later, other glee members began to amble in; Mercedes, Sam, Mike and Tina. Everyone arrived in little trickles. Then Santana walked through the door. Again her shoulders were hunched and she had the arms across her body as if trying to hold herself together. Her eyes were red and it if you really looked you could see the complete lack of hope that they held. She sloped across the room and slumped into a seat at the back, never looking at anyone. Kurt turned to the front as Mr. Shue entered the room and began to teach.
A loud giggle preceded them as Brittany and Artie fell through the door laughing. Everyone turned to look at them. Apart from Kurt and Santana. The brunette could not bring herself to look at the blonde so she stared at her hands. Kurt watched her struggle to hold her tears and it made his heart wrench. Brittany and Artie mumbled quick apologies and sat down at the front. Kurt noticed that the dancer looked toward Santana and was willing her with her eyes to look up, with no avail. A sad smile passed over Brittany's face. She was just happy to see Santana, whether she had any actual contact, the Latina's presence always warmed her. Brittany hated seeing her best friend so sad but she wasn't sure how to be fair to everyone. Whatever she did, someone got hurt, Brittany just hated that it was Santana.
Mr. Shue began to teach again and after he had rambled on for a while about transport for a friendly competition they were set to go to, he got down to teaching the lesson. He turned and took a pen; he began to write on the board behind him.
Love.
This word made everyone in the room smile. Again, apart from Kurt and Santana. They both stiffened. Rachel's hand shot up, "Mr. Shuester, can I make a small adjustment?"
Mr. Shue looked a little confused but nodded, handing the pen to Rachel. The small girl bounced up to the board and above 'love', wrote 'true' along with a little heart. Kurt closed his eyes. Were they trying to kill Santana? He turned and saw her look up from her hands and read the additions to the board. He saw the immediate bout of tears rush to the Latina's eyes and knew he had to save her. He quietly stood and without attracting attention from everyone else, who were chatting excitedly, laid a hand on the girls shoulder.
"Come with me."
Santana was a little startled by Kurt's whisper but got up anyway, grabbed her bag and allowed herself to be led from the room by the boy in front of her. She watched Kurt ahead of her tells Mr. Shue that she didn't feel well and that he was going to take her to sit down outside. Mr. Shuester nodded and gave Santana a worried look but she did not meet his gaze. Against his normal judgment, Kurt took Santana's hand in his own as he led her out of the room.
They walked down the hall in silence and Kurt then realized that he had no plan after leaving the choir room. The main objective had been to get Santana away from it, and he had. So what now? After a moment's thought, Kurt decided to head toward the auditorium. It was empty when they arrived and for this they were both grateful. Kurt gestured toward the back row and Santana shook her head, she knew that she was going to talk to Kurt. Really talk and she needed something to look at while doing so because she knew from experience that feelings are easier to talk about without uncomfortable eye contact. She shuffled over to the piano sat, patting the seat for Kurt to join her.
Kurt hesitated only slightly but sat next to Santana on the piano seat. The brunette turned from the piano to look into Kurt's eyes.
"Thank you." Her whisper was barely audible but the smile she gave him showed that she was sincerely grateful.
"So..." Kurt wasn't sure how to start the conversation, so he opted for a non-relevant topic first. "I didn't know you play piano."
"Yeah, hardly anyone does. Just my family and Quinn and Bri..." Santana's voice trailed off as she fought back tears just at the mention of the blonde's name.
There was a silence during which Santana turned and placed her hands on the keys and began a slow, sad song. She let the music flow from her heart and she saw Kurt's awed expression in her peripheral vision and knew that he would be a good friend to her. A melody began to work its way into the song and Kurt recognized it instantly from early that morning.
"I heard you this morning. You are really good Santana."
"Wait you... you heard - how much?"
"Almost all of it I think."
"Oh. Okay."
A silence followed and Santana was grateful that she had the piano as a distraction. It was during the third verse that the Latina made a decision. She was going to be honest with Kurt. After all, he had already proven himself to be a good friend.
"It hurts. Too much sometimes. I- I just- I love her so much Kurt. But she chose him. I can't- I just can't watch them. I can't..." The tears were pouring from Santana's eyes, wetting the piano keys and her cheer camp hoodie.
Kurt was a little taken aback by the sudden confession but was quickly distracted when a sob came from the brunette. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed lightly. Santana halted her playing and turned, allowing Kurt to envelop her in a tight embrace. She began to shake uncontrollably as her tears soaked through Kurt's shirt. He didn't mind this, even if it was his favorite shirt. He was seeing a new side of the Latina and sensed that he was one of a very privileged few. As Santana's tears began to slow and were almost at a halt, she sat back and dabbed at her face with her sleeve, emitting small sniffs and once in a while a hiccup. She turned once again and began to play.
Santana closed her eyes and let the music wash over her. It wasn't any tune in particular but the notes fit together perfectly. The boy next to her was once again in awe. He had never heard such a beautiful yet heartbreaking tune. It began slow and sad then began to pick up as more and more passion and hurt poured into it. The tune began a slow descent into darkness and Kurt could almost see the picture the notes were painting. The song ended and Santana opened her eyes to see Kurt holding back the tears that had pooled in his eyes. She offered him a sad smile and he returned it.
"I- I think I understand." There was a pause. "She loves you too you know."
Santana just nodded.
"Thank you Kurt. You really are a good friend. But... could you please not tell anyone. I'm so scared..." Tears were threatening again so Santana looked at her feet.
"Of course. But, you know; when you are ready, let me know. We will ALL be here for you."
Santana looked up at the boy who had just witnessed her meltdown and saw so much sincerity in his face that she couldn't help but reach out and hug him tightly, pouring all of her gratitude into the embrace and hoping he could feel it. Feel it, he did.
They left the school together and after a quick hug goodbye, went their separate ways. Santana was slightly dazed by the afternoon's event but knew that she had made an invaluable friend in Kurt. When she arrived home she was greeted, as usual by an empty house. She was used to this by now, of course but secretly she wished that one day she would walk in and dinner would be at the table and she could sit with her parents. They worked too much for this to ever happen. After rooting around in the fridge, Santana grabbed a pasta salad and headed up to her room. She sat on the seat by her window and gazed out. She thought about the day's events. She thought about how Kurt had saved her, how he had understood her without judgment. He had been her knight in glittery riding trousers.
