Title: Never is a Promise

Author: Migdalia

Summary: Those late nights and that liquor. The apparent attraction was too much to ignore…

How could I have not seen it before? Did the liquor actually help bring it out the truth out? Sam was a little taken back when Bailey caressed her hand and actually kissed her. Softly at first making sure that Sam was accepting it. When she didn't pull away he slid his tongue in her mouth and she moaned a bit before succumbing to the kiss and eagerly climbed into his lap. Oh yeah they were in his office but it was a little after midnight and almost everyone was at home. The blinds were shut and the door was closed which meant knock before entering so they were okay for now. She was unbuttoning his shirt now after tossing his red tie to the floor.

Oh what was she doing? She had John the love of her life. She was happy with him, they were a family. Getting ready to be married…

"We have to stop this" said Sam as Bailey kissed her neck. Sam wasn't sure he heard her. She wasn't sure if she wanted him to stop. Had she been craving Bailey instead of John's love. John was great and out of this world but why? Why was she letting this go on longer than it had to.

She and John had been dating for almost a year and a half and they were just engage a couple weeks ago. She had seen it then. The jealousy in Bailey's eyes the faked smiled and faked Congratulations. Sam knew that Bailey cared about John and that he wouldn't do anything to hurt John. This would hurt John just to know they were half naked in their boss' office.

Later that Morning

Sam walked in the dark and quiet firehouse. Her clothes were a bit wrinkled and her eyes looked around nervously. She concluded that John must have went to bed. She walked into their shared bedroom after checking on her sleeping daughter. Sam sat on the bed and saw John sprawled on his side of the bed asleep. Peacefully asleep and unaware of her looking at him. Unaware that she had just slept with their boss.

"I'm sorry" whispered Sam as she bent down and kissed his cheek. She then got up quietly and stopped when he stirred and then quickly settled down.

She walked into her bathroom quickly and shut the door. She threw off her clothes feeling extremely dirty and looking at her clothes in disgust. Faint liquor covered her and the clothes she tossed in the hamper. Sam grabbed the air freshener and spray her clothes but that wouldn't make what she had done a couple hours ago go away.

She turned on the shower and choked out some sobs while climbing in. The hot shower felt refreshing against her tired skin. She grabbed the bottle of liquid soap and her loofah. She put a lot of soap on it and then scrubbed her body hard so that Bailey Malone was completely off of her. How could she face him tomorrow? Everything will be so different. About a half hour later when she was assured that she was clean Sam stepped out of the shower wrapped a towel around her dripping body and got out of the bathroom.

Quickly she put her hair in a ponytail and got dressed in a pair of sweats. She couldn't even bring herself to wear something of John's. The guilt was already eating her up. Finally she could finally lay down. John moaned and wrapped his arms around her.

"What time is it?" he asked sleepily.

"About two thirty in the morning" answered Sam.

"So you and Bailey got a lot of work done?"

Sam shuddered and whispered a yes.

"Good" said John drifting off.

Sam wrapped her arm around his forearm and she made a promise that she would never kiss Bailey again.

The next day…

Sam made a show in front of Bailey to make sure he knew that she regretted last night. Bailey was obviously trying to talk to her all day but Sam made excuses to always duck out. Bailey went as far as to send John and Nathan out to follow a lead while Grace and George had their own stuff to do.

"Sam can I see you in my office?" asked Bailey as Sam was walking back to her office.

Sam cleared her throat and nodded. She should just tell Bailey now that she wasn't ever going to sleep with him again and that it meant nothing. She walked into the office and slammed the door unintentionally but she was seriously angry. Angry at Bailey and angry at herself.

"Sam I'm sorry if I hurt you" said Bailey. "But I'm not sorry for what happened last night"

"Well I expected that" said Sam. "But what we did and why we did it doesn't excuse what happened"

Bailey just took out a cigar and played with it between his fingers.

"I'm engaged Bailey!" cried Sam. "Do you really want to hurt John?"

Bailey sighed. "No that is the last thing I want to do, but I also don't want to let you go or can't get passed my feelings"

"Well Bailey Malone get passed them because you are my boss and I hope my friend" said Sam her eyes pleading with him.

Bailey didn't want to hurt Sam but what happened last night took two and Sam gave as much passion as he did. He approached her. Sam took in his aftershave and shuddered. Just being next to him got her hormones jumping.

"I love John as a friend and I really don't want to hurt him but Sam I need you more" said Bailey. "And I know you want me so stop denying it. It may not be right but neither is you getting married to John. Is that what you really want?"

He caressed her cheek. No Sam don't do it, her mind screamed.

"Lock the door" her words said.

Two weeks later

Sam didn't know how long she could keep this affair a secret. Bailey found ways for them to be together without anyone thinking anything suspicious. Sam felt extremely guilty especially with Chloe and John talking about the wedding so much. The truth was she wasn't ready and although she loved John it was like she craved Bailey more. There was a difference between love and lust.

Sam knew this secret was even making her sick. She was throwing up at times and getting extreme headaches. She tried to hide it from John but not until she could barely get up from bed did he notice and forced her to stay home. They made an appointment for her and the doctor took some blood and told her that she might be coming down with a bug but they weren't sure. The next day Sam still hadn't been feeling well and she forced John to go to work. He reluctantly agreed and told her he loved her. Sam closed her eyes when he kissed her cheek.

How could she hurt this man? How could she have chosen Bailey over John?

Sam would soon find out that lies catch up…

Sam got the phone call of her life that night.

"Thank you doctor" she said before hanging up.

Her body shook and eventually a cry came out before she realized she was pregnant and that she realized that the kid was 98 Bailey's because her and John hadn't made love in awhile because she didn't feel right making love to him right after Bailey and then her sickness. She prayed to God that she was further along than she calculated. How could she be so stupid? She and Bailey had unprotected sex one time and it was the first time.

A few nights later there was a case to be dealt with. John and Nathan were looking around outside of the building while Sam and Bailey were on the top floor of the building. She didn't tell him of her pregnancy but knew she had to. She had to deal with this because the wedding was coming up and she didn't want anyone to be surprised in 8 months even though she still wasn't sure who the father was. Now really wasn't the time but she knew she had to. A few agents a couple blocks away was chasing down the suspect and they were on their way outside and down the steps but Sam touched Bailey's arm.

"Bailey" said Sam.

"Yeah" said Bailey.

"Stop for a minute" said Sam.

"What is it?" he asked softly turning to face her.

"There's something I have to tell you" she said as his back faced the door.

"Well what is it?" he asked anxious to leave supposedly.

"I'm pregnant" she said making that her walkie talking was off and his as well.

"Really?"

Sam nodded. "This is not a happy thing Bailey because this child could very well be yours"

Bailey gave a smile. Sam groaned. "How could I have done this? Cheated on John with you"

Sam heard a door shut. Bailey turned around and saw a very angry John standing there. All of a sudden he launched at Bailey tackling him to the ground and threw a single punch before stopping at Sam's cried. Bailey pushed John off of him.

"I could have you fired for that" threatened Bailey spitting out some blood.

"I quit" snapped John as he stared at Sam. "how long has that been going on!"

His angry shout echoed off the walls making Sam shake and she started to cry. "Almost a month"

John scoffed. "And you slept with me on our bed and lied to me. Telling me you loved me"

"I do John" sobbed Sam. "I really do"

"Not enough" said John. "I wasn't good enough for you so you had to get your kicks somewhere else and now you're pregnant probably with his kid"

He squeezed his eyes shut, opened them then stalked away. Sam followed him outside and watched as he ran down the stairs.

"John!" she cried about to follow when Bailey grabbed her arm.

"Let him be" said Bailey.

"No he's hurt" said Sam.

"You knew he was going to be"

Sam turned red with anger and pushed him away. The next thing she knew her foot slipped and she fell down the metal stairway.

A couple days later

Sam sat in her hospital bed looking weary and depressed. She suffered a miscarriage and looked at the various flowers. She had black and blue marks on her face and red circles under her eyes from her tears. Everyone had visited her…everyone but John. She didn't talk to them, just cried and pushed away their comfort. She killed her baby with her antics. She blamed herself, blamed Bailey and even John. She didn't want to see Angel or Chloe. She was disgusted with herself. Even Jack had decided to send her some flowers with a note saying that it was good she ridded herself of the baby.

She had never felt so alone in her life as she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep. When she woke up a few hours later she saw John standing by the window.

"John" said Sam unbelievably.

John turned and looked at her. A look of hurt still sat in his eyes.

"Finally had the courage to face you" said John.

Sam cleared her throat. "I thought you would never come back"

"I'm not Sam" said John coldly. "I'm not coming back to you. I just needed to see if you were okay"

Sam choked back a sob. That's it, it was over.

"I'm going back to the APD" said John. "Possibly head my own department. I'm moving in with Nathan until I find my own place"

"John I know you hate me right now but let me explain" said Sam.

"Too little too late" said John walking to the end of the bed. "Sam I hope you lead some kind of peaceful life but it can't be with me anymore. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. But I can't stand to be near you. I love you but I just can't"

He opened the door.

"John please can we just talk about this?" asked Sam.

"No Sam" said John. "Maybe someday but not today. I hope it was worth it"

With that he left the room leaving a distraught Sam. She just stared at the door sobbing. She would get him back. One day she'll make it up to him.

Never is a Promise and I can't afford to lie

The End