A/N: Ok. Taking a break from my other Wicked story to bring you my first shot at a parody...and since I'm flying solo here, any constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated. (If anybody wants to volunteer to be a beta reader, please let me know that too.)
Disclaimer - Of course, I do not own Wicked (I wish I did, though - I'd be resting on a beach somewhere with a lineup of drinks in the sand)
or any of the other stories/characters/whatever referenced here.
BTW - Does anybody know if a "clock tick" represents a second or a minute?
Bored Ozians - Good news. She's dead. The Wicked Witch of the West is dead. Yadda yadda yadda.
Ozian 1 - Oh look. It's Glinda.
Bored Ozians - Right on cue.
Glinda - Fellow Ozians ... (starts to sing) Let us be glad, let us be grateful. Let us ...(stops mid song)
Author - Huh? What's going on? Glinda, are you alright?
Glinda - No. (Floats down to ground.) I can't do this anymore!
Author - What are you doing? You're deviating from the script!
Glinda - Oh, please. What script? This one? Another "Wicked" parody? Where we follow the same acts as the musical but our lines are screwed up? Please - that has been overplayedified! There are so many different "Wicked" spoofs. Besides, everybody in the fandom already knows the story!
Fiyero - (Walks in from offstage.) Yeah, and how about the gross overcharacterisations? I always seem to come across as completely stupid in these things!
Boq - I'm always over-obsessive for Galinda!
Elphaba - And I can't take any more green jokes!
Author - Let me guess - it's not easy being green? (Chuckles)
Elphaba - Don't make me turn you into a frog!
Author - ...
Fiyero – Hey, you're a guy.
Author – (sarcastic) Thank you Captain Obvious. So what's your point?
Fiyero – Aren't all fans who are obsessed with "Wicked" called fangirls?
Boq – (Snorts) He's a fangirl!
Author – Watch it shorty, or I'll start writing some Fiyero/Boq stores!
Creepy Fans – YES!
Boq - ...
Galinda – (Throws up her hands) I'm sick of this. I can't do this anymore! I quit! (Starts to walk offstage.)
Fiyero - Me to.
Elphaba - I'm out.
Boq – See ya.
Author - WAIT! (Everybody stops.) What if we made a deal?
Galinda - What kind of deal?
Author - What if we retold the story in a different setting?
Boq - How different?
Galinda – Hmm…It would have to be something completely different.
Gelphie fans - Yes!
Galinda and Elphaba - NO!
Gelphie fans – (Dejected) Aww!
Author – Completely different I can do. So, do we have a deal?
Galinda – Hang on…
(All cast members get in a huddle and chat amongst themselves. After some time…)
Cast – Deal.
Author – OK…here we go…
(The scenery dissolves into nothingness...)
Galinda – (With massive reverb and digital delay) Space…ace…ace…ace…
Galinda – The final frontier…ier…ier…ier
Galinda – These are the voyages…ges…ges…ges…
Galinda – Hello?...o?...o?...o?
Galinda – Echo…o…o…o…
Author – Get on with it!...it!...it!...it!...
Galinda – of the starship, Galindaprize…ize…ize…ize…
Galinda – Its ongoing mission…is to find the most swankified party ever! Wooo!
Wayne Campbell – (Jumps onstage) Party on Glin!
Galinda – Party on Wayne!
Garth Algar – Wow...Galinda is the queen of Babe-alonya.
Wayne Campbell – Please, if Galinda was a constellation, she'd be "Babe-a-majora"!
Boq – (barf)
Author – Moving on…
Galinda – To boldly go where nobody has gone before!
Annoying Opera Singer – Aaaaa AAAAAAA Aaa aaa (cough)(cough)(hack)
Boq – What's her problem?
Author – She's hasn't been singing for a while. At least she came at a discount.
Boq – (muttering) I'd still ask for a refund.
Galinda - Captain's log, stardate 5256.00. The crew of the Galindaprise was minding their own business when...
(Red light on console lights up. Small buzzer sounds with each blink.)
Shenshen - Like, Galinda, there's this light that keeps blinking. Like, what are we supposed to do?
Boq - It's a sub-space distress call.
Shenshen - Like, oh my god, I'm supposed to know that?
Phannee - Why does she sound like a valley girl?
Author - Because I don't like her.
Shenshen - Oh god, I sound totally heinous. Gag me with a spoon.
Boq - (rolls eyes)
Galinda - On screen.
Shenshen - What's on the screen? Like, I see nothing but space.
Boq - She means put through the call.
Shenshen - Oh.
(Screen changes to face of older man.)
Galinda - This is Captain Galinda Upland of the starship Galindaprise - at your service. (Grandiose bow)
Older man - Captain, I am Governor Diggs of the planet Oz. We saw your ship and have called for your help.
Boq - They must have long-distance scanners to find us.
Governor Diggs - Your ship is pink! You couldn't miss it even if you tried!
Galinda - So, governor, how can we help you?
Governor Diggs - It seems one of our citizens is forming an insurrection against us. She is the most feared person in all of Oz.
Boq, Shenshen, and Phannee - Oooooooooo.
Governor Diggs- She is known as, "The Elphie".
(Ominous music plays)
Elphaba - WAIT A MINUTE!
(sound of record scratching)
Elphaba - "The Elphie"? That's the best you can come up with?
Author - It's that or the "Green Goblin"(TM). Which do you want?
Elphaba - (waves hand and walks off in huff) Whatever.
Governor Diggs - As I was saying, we need your help in capturing this criminal. She will thwart all of my plans...uh...I mean...she will be the undoing of all of Oz!
Galinda - Governor Diggs, we will help you find this criminal, since we happen to be in the area, are completely clueless to your plans, and don't even bother to follow the prime directive.
Governor Diggs- Cool.
Boq - Captain, we have arrived at Oz.
Shenshen - Like, how did we get here so fast?
Boq - Plot holes.
Shenshen - Huh? Like, there are no roads in space. How can there be pot holes?
Boq - PLOT HOLES! (mutters to himself) Oh, please let her be killed off in this story.
To be continued...
The idea for "Plot Holes" came from "Fiyraba Parodies" by "Elphaba-The Wicked One"
Please review and let me know what you think. Does is stink? Is it good? Please let me know.
Thanks. :)
