It's weird, how you can live somewhere your whole life and think it's completely normal. Then it all changed. You did this to me. Your the reason i couldn't stand the sounds of rushing traffic, or large crowds of people. My new psychologist-the last one didn't get much out of me-said that I wasn't in love with you. She said that I was hooked on the adrenaline the fear put off.

I honestly didn't know what I felt. It had been about three and a half years after you were taken away and I could still feel your rough, sun cracked lips on mine. Every once and a while the smell of eucalyptus would carry on a breeze. My eyes would shut in a peaceful way, but my body would tence up. And the color of your eyes, those piercing blue eyes, were the color of every room in my new apartment.

My life was passing by slowly. Nothing happened that made it special anymore. I kept thinking, maybe -my psychologist-was right about the adrenaline after all.

It was fall in London so I was wrapped up in a bundle of cloths as I made my way across the park. The same park you saved me in. My legs carried me to the path where it happened. It didn't scare me, the path, at least not anymore.

Leaves crunched behind me and the fear that had once consumed me came back. I whirled around searching for your face, or Josh's. But it was only Anna. She smiled at me but I wasn't in the mood to deal with her.

I started to walk away. "Gemma please!" Her hand reached out and touched my shoulder. It was weird that the first thought that crossed my mind was, it isn't his hand.

Years pricked at my eyes. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" It came out as a whisper.

"Gem just come to dinner with Ben and I at your parents."

"Don't call me that." It came out hard. "My name is Gemma." Ever since you called me that the hole in my chest tore a bit more. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "I'll think about it."

I really didnt want to go back there. The reason I left was because of my mum. We got into a fight because I stopped going to her party's and basically anything else that required my attention. All people did was ask me things like, "What was he like? Scary?" or "Did he make you do things?". Questions that I just didn't want to deal with.

Anna called my name as I kept walking but I could barely hear her. I was lost in my own thoughts. Memories really. How the bright sun marked my skin, that had mostly faded over the years. But the one thing I couldn't help but remember was the painting. All those colors that busted to life, and you were apart of it.

If you want more then just say so. PEACE OUT GIRLSCOUTS!