Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, or the song. Though it would rock to be famous and singing it. I do own the story line though, its practically an auto biography
You don't know my name
You don't know, anything about me
I try to play nice
I want to be in your game
The things that you say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels fast
I'm standing here behind your back
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
My heart dropped while everyone else cheered. We would have to pick our own history project partners. There was an odd amount of people in the class, and I knew very well who the one without a partner would be. The teenagers scrambled around the room excitedly chattering with their friends. I stood and sort of wandered around the room, looking for someone who would just talk to me…maybe even agree to be my partner. I spotted a familiar face and walked over.
"Hey Bob, want to be partners?"
"Um, right. Yeah well, I'm partners with Zack, sorry." I saw him walk off to where Zack was standing with several girls around him. "Hey Zack, want to be my partner? If you don't I'll end up with Cody. God, I hate being partners with him. He makes everything so confusing and makes me feel really stupid."
I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Did he not see me standing right over here? He could have at least made it to where I couldn't hear that, whether he felt it or not. I sighed and approached a girl I knew. "Hey Sara, want to be partners?"
"Um, I'm sorry, do I know you? What's your name?"
"Cody Martin."
"Ohhhh so you're the nerdy brother Zack is always complaining about. Um, sorry but I'm partners with Tami." I could sense a kind of disgust in her voice as she said that, then turned. I finally gave up and went back to my desk to plan my project alone. There was no way anyone would ask me to partner with them, even if I was the smartest kid in the class. They would all rather fail then be forced down the social ladder by being associated with me in any way. And even the ones that didn't care about the social ladder were already too wrapped up in their own lives and friends to open up to new ones.
You don't know my name You don't know, anything about me I try to play nice I want to be in your game The things that you say You may think I never hear about them But word travels fast I'm standing here behind your back Mr. Beacher called for everyone to settle down and announce their partners. He sped through the names in alphabetic order, asking for the person and their partner. "Bob?"
"Me and Jordan."
"Daniel?"
"Me and Jacob"
"Sara?"
"Me and Zack."
He went through a couple other names before getting somewhere in the Ls. By now, all the partners were taken…except for me of course.
"Mr. Martin, I see that you are once again working alone?"
"Yeah," I said softly. I turned in my desk to see Cheryl whispering to one of her friends. I heard more then one voice say something like "He always works alone. He's such a looser." Or, "He's such a know-it-all…I'm not surprised he's alone again." I shut my eyes tight and swallowed the huge lump forming in my throat and trying to push itself to the surface. Crying was the last thing I needed just now. It just wasn't fair.You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
The bell rang loudly and I slowly bent over to pick up my books. I started to walk out the door, but was pushed down roughly by a huge red headed kid. My 3-ringed binder's papers flew everywhere, and my books lay scattered on the ground. I started to gather them together when a girl stepped on my hand with a pointed high-heeled shoe. I reeled back in pain, shaking my sore hand. Neither the red head boy, nor high-heeled girl stopped to say they were sorry. No one attempted to help me up, or even acknowledge the sorry heap I was on the ground. I crawled out of everyone's way and let them all get out of the room before I began to gather my books once again. The last one out of the room was Zack, pushing a few people to go ahead without him. He stopped where I was putting papers back neatly in my binder and whispered harshly
"Dude, what the heck are you doing on the ground? Get up, you're embarrassing me." He walked off without offering any type of help muttering to himself, "God, why did he have to be my brother?"
If you could read my mind
You might see more of me then meets the eye
And you've been all wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance
After finally brushing myself off, I headed too my locker to put away my books and get my lunch money. I kept my eyes downcast as I walked down the hallways. When I reached my locker, I breathed out in gratitude. I hadn't met a single bully on the walk here. Now all I had to do was make it to and through lunch.
I stood at the back of the lunch line, after automatically letting several bullies pass me. It took forever to reach the food, and when I did there was no desserts left. I sighed and took my tray towards the tables. Hundreds of kids sat clumped together, talking loudly and laughing. I passed the table where Zack sat. He had a girl on each side of him, and many people around them. Everyone was laughing at Zack, who must have been telling some amazingly funny joke. He had never told me anything that funny. I spotted an empty chair and headed for it, so as to join in the laughter. That's when I heard my name.
"You should have seen his Cody's face! Wait no; I can show it to you! That's the upside of him being my twin!" Zack made a hideous face, wrinkling his nose in fake fear. "He was all like, 'Where's Blankie! I need Blankie!" Everyone laughed, and I backed away.
I passed a few full tables, and one of Goth kids. Even the nerd table looked at my strangely. I didn't fit in there either. I didn't fit in anywhere.
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
The rest of the day passed like that. The most attention I would get from anyone would be someone asking me to get out of their way. I was always in the way. On the bus ride home, I sat on the only empty seat I could find, near the front. When the bus stopped at the Tipton hotel, I rushed off the bus, glad to not have had to deal with bullies this time. I walked briskly through the lobby, ignoring Maddie's friendly greeting. Even a little bit of friendliness couldn't make up for what I went through everyday. I could hear Zack behind me, his headphones blaring loudly. Frustrated, I stopped allowing him to catch up with me. I jerked the headphones off his ears and screamed in his face.
"Don't listen to them that loud! It damages your ears!" Then I stormed off, before he could reply. When I got inside the suite, I slammed the door of our room and slung myself on the bed. Not bothering to do my homework, I closed my eyes, shutting the tears that wanted to come out of my face so badly inside. And it hurt. It hurt so badly. I shuddered to myself, trying to push out all the horrible thoughts, but they kept stinging at me.
"He's such a looser!"
"God why did he have to be my brother?"
"He's such a know-it-all."
"I hate being partners with him"
I could hear Zack run in the door and quickly change his clothes. Then he left. Of course he had another date. It was Friday night, and he had a life. He had tons of friends, a different girlfriend every weekend, and no regards for my feelings.
Well I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and all alone
Well I'm sick of wasting all my time
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
As the door shut behind him, I finally let it go. I let the tears that I had cooped up for weeks fall out of my face. I started breathing hard, and they fell more.
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
I sat there for more then an hour, just crying. I cried until all the tears inside my body were used up. Then I sat alone on the bed hiccupping like you do after a really good cry. I got up off the bed and grabbed a pen and paper. Then I wrote. I wrote every feeling that I had had since the beginning of the day, and turned it into a song.
You don't know my name
You don't know, anything about me
I try to play nice
I want to be in your game
The things that you say
You may think I never hear about them
But word travels fast
I'm standing here behind your back
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
If you could read my mind
You might see more of me then meets the eye
And you've been all wrong
Not who you think I am
You've never given me a chance
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
Well I'm tired of staying at home
I'm bored and all alone
Well I'm sick of wasting all my time
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
You don't know how it feels
To be outside the crowd
You don't know what its like
To be left out
And you don't know how it feels
To be your own best friend
On the outside looking in
