A/N: I'm thinking of making this into a longer series, please tell me if I should do so. Also, I ask you to play a little game called 'spot the QAF-reference'.
Small warning: One of the characters is bi. Deal with it. However, I promise, (almost) no slash scenes. At least not in this chapter
Disclaimer: I do not own the world of Harry Potter. Nayru owns herself. All QAF-references belongs to the makers of QAF.
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Chapter 1: Music To Watch Girls By
It was during one of those incredibly hot fall days that no one really could explain where came from, it all started. The Indian summer had taken over for the usually rainy weather, and it was welcomed like an old friend.
The older female students of Hogwarts had shed their robes for ...lighter clothing, and almost every single one of them, including the queen of broken hearts, miss Lily Evans, had found themselves outside in the courtyard, trying to catch every single ray of sunlight that flooded Hogwarts. After all, the chance of getting a tan in the unpredictable English summer was small, so they had to seize the chance while it was upon them.
And seeing as the Marauders were normal, sixteen year old boys (well, as normal as you could call three wizards and a werewolf), they had gone out into the courtyard to catch glimpses of 'some skin' as Otto Bagman so eloquently had phrased it.
They had perched themselves on the great stone steps, which gave them a great view of not only the courtyard, but also the lake, where some tough seventh years were slowly descending into the water for a quick swim.
This, of course, had caught the eye of Peter Pettigrew, who was following their movements with the eyes of a falcon, all-seeing.
Next to him sat James Potter, who was shooting long looks after Lily Evans, whom he had been obsessing on and about for two years running. Of course, she never even dignified him a look, seeing as he was what she called a 'run-about, no-good scoundrel'. She was more likely to be seen with aristocratic seventh year prefects, such as Lucius Malfoy, than the likes of James. Of course, this made him obsess even more about her lovely stature and ladylike appearance.
The two last boys present were Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.
Sirius himself was reading a book about the creatures of the night, clad in what the American exchange students had defined as 'the dead-sexy biker outfit'.
Remus had stretched out over several steps, and had his face was turned to the skies, his eyes closed. If anyone enjoyed the sun, it was him. After all, he really wasn't that fond of the moon.
Sirius was about to make some remark about how he never knew that werewolf mated for life, when Peter asked the inevitable question.
"If you could have one of them, any one of them, which one would you choose?"
After shooting James a look, he added:
"And Prongs, do answer something else than Lily, because that is getting SO old."
James rolled his eyes.
"Fine. I think... Rosalie. Rosalie Cotter."
Peter whistled.
"Not a bad choice. However, I think more in the lines of Narcissa Stone."
"How 'bout you, Sirius?"
"No use, he's already had them all."
Sirius snorted.
"Mae. I'd definitely have Mae."
Peter raised his eyebrows.
"All the way-Mae? Sirius, I would have thought you had better taste than that," remarked Remus dryly.
Sirius turned and looked at him. The others followed suit.
"Well, mister 'I'm-the-one-with-good-taste', who would you take?"
Remus sat up, and peered at the people in the courtyard through half-closed eyes.
"Stuart Jones," he finally answered. "He's got the next best arse in this entire school."
Sirius thought in his quiet mind that he really didn't want to know who had the best.
Peter shot Remus an odd look.
"Rem... we were talking about the girls."
Remus shrugged.
"All right. Nayru Ikari, then. But really, I'd rather have Stuart."
As he leaned back again, he added: "Or both of them at once. Take a pick."
Peter made a face.
"Sometimes, I think you're doing this 'both sexes'-thing just to gross us out."
Remus snorted, and Sirius imagined that if his eyes were not closed, he would have rolled them.
"Yes, Peter. Of course I'm doing this just to repulse you. Just like I'm a vegetarian only so that the three of you can have more meat."
What followed was several moments of silence, until Remus spoke up again.
"I'm a werewolf, I can't afford being picky. Besides, I think I'm onto something. Look at you three, for example."
His friends looked at each other, almost as if expecting the others having tentacles sticking out of their ears.
"Us?"
Remus nodded.
"Yes. Being heterosexual, you limit yourself to only half of Hogwarts. While I," he paused and his face lit up with a mock-smirk, "can choose from the entire school."
"No, you can't," said Peter.
"Oh really?"
Sirius sat up.
"It's true. You see, Moony dearest, that at least 200 of the students at Hogwarts are 11- and 12-year olds."
Peter nodded.
"And that's just really, REALLY wrong."
"Yeah," piped James, "like having sex with something that isn't even human!"
Remus sat up, and edged closer to the blackhaired boy. Putting an arm around his shoulders, he batted his eyes at him.
"Why, thank you James. You make me feel so loved."
James blushed furiously, and muttered something about 'not meaning it that way'. Obviously, Peter found this hilarious, seeing as he by now almost had fallen down the stairs by laughing so hard.
Then Remus laughed, and James quickly followed.
The only one who wasn't finding it all hilarious, was Sirius. He was furious with Remus for putting himself down like that. However, no more time was left to brood over this, seeing as at that moment, the dinner bell rang.
- - -
"You shouldn't do that," said Sirius as they made their way up to the Great Hall.
James and Peter, who were both hungry as wolves ('girlwatching is counted as a sport, right?' -quote Peter Pettigrew) were hurrying, making Sirius and Remus fall behind.
"Do what?" said Remus nonchalantly.
"Degrading yourself. Just because you act funny once a month, doesn't make you less human. After all, look at all the girls we know. They all turn into wild beasts once a month, but do we run around yelling 'monster'?"
"No," said Remus. "We run around yelling PMS."
Sirius frowned.
"You know, Moony, if you don't stop being so funny, I might as well get a hernia here and now."
He rounded on his friend, blocking his way. As Remus tried to walk past him, he grabbed his arm, holding him still. The corridor was almost empty now.
"You can joke about this all you want, Remus Lupin, but it will never be funny."
"Let go of me, Sirius," he said through gritted teeth. "I'm fine."
"No. You're the one that has been bragging that you take whatever has a pulse. Then why do I never see you with anyone?"
Remus narrowed his eyes.
"Maybe because of the same reasons I never see you with anyone more than once?"
And with that, he rushed past Sirius, and into the Great Hall.
