Since their initiation into the ways of being the Digi-Destined, plenty of bad stuff had happened to Tai and his friends. However, the problem they were facing now was most definitely one of the worst.
"You're supposed to be dead!" Joe whimpered as he cowered behind a rock. "We killed you! Twice! You should be really, *really* dead!"
Myotismon only laughed in response. "Foolish Digi-Destined! Did you think you could get rid of me that easily? True evil never dies!"
"Well, maybe we can convince you to take a long vacation! C'mon, guys, it's time to Digivolve!"
Agumon and the others leapt forward, preparing to do battle with their most powerful enemy, but Myotismon - having learned a thing or two during his numerous battles with the Digi-Destined - decided that this time he would strike before the smaller digimon evolved, rather than stand around with his arms crossed during their utterly predictable transformation scene.
"Grisly Wing!" he bellowed, flinging his arms wide. A veritable cloud of bats surged forth from his cloak, swarming over the eight children and their digital companions.
The flurry of ebon wings covered them completely, and soon the darkness was all that Tai knew.
_______________________________________________________
When he awoke, he wasn't sure what to expect - that he'd be chained to a wall, perhaps, or that he might be suspended over a bottomless pit or at the very least locked in a cage. To be honest, he wasn't expecting to wake up at all.
He most certainly wasn't expecting to feel warm and reasonably comfortable.
Tai sat upright with a start, his eyes darting around frantically. Matt, Sora and the other kids were all present and starting to come around, but their digimon were nowhere to be seen. Searching himself, however, Tai discovered that he still had his Digivice, Tag and Crest with him.
Something was very wrong.
The room appeared to be made out of drab grey stone, with an equally drab grey stone floor; there did not seem to be any doors or windows, and the room was lit only by a few torches.
"Where are we?" Sora asked groggily, rubbing her head.
"That's what I'd like to know," Tai told her, standing up.
Matt, too, climbed to his feet - a bit unsteadily, granted - and began casting about the room. "What'd that big jerk do with our digimon?" he muttered.
"They are not dead, if that's what you're wondering," a chillingly familiar voice intoned. A huge screen slowly lowered itself from the ceiling, a screen on which Myotismon's ghastly visage appeared.
"Myotismon!" Tai shouted, clenching his fists.
"You have a firm grasp of the obvious, my boy." Myotismon smirked. "No doubt you're wondering why I've brought you here instead of simply destroying you."
"I'll ask the questions around here! Why have you brought us here instead of simply destroying us?" Tai yelled. A blank look crossed his face as the proverbial lightbulb went on inside his head and he realised what he'd just said.
Izzy stepped forward. "Perhaps you'd just better tell us what you're planning to do to us so we can get on with it and go about defeating you," he suggested to the image on the screen before him.
"And why would I do that?" Myotismon boomed.
"Well, because you're a bad guy and that's generally what bad guys do." Izzy stated the fact with the air of one explaining a very simple concept to an equally simple person.
"Oh...well, in that case..." The vampire-like digimon tried to regain his composure. "I have decided that since you have caused me no end of trouble during my attempts to take over the Digiworld and Earth, a quick, simple death in battle is too good for you. Therefore, I have captured you in order to subject you to unimaginable torture."
"Torture?" cried Joe. "I, I'm allergic to torture!"
"How unfortunate for you. This torture will be very...special...for you, Digi-Destined, are very special enemies. DemiDevimon!" he bellowed, and the spherical, bat-winged creature flapped into view.
"You roared, boss?" he wheezed, grinning dementedly.
"Go fetch my...torture tools," Myotismon smiled.
"Right away, boss!" DemiDevimon fluttered away, cackling to himself in anticipation of the horror to come.
Matt stepped forward, narrowing his eyes at the screen. "Look, before you start in on us, could you at least tell us what happened to our digimon?"
"Very well. Your companions are alive and located elsewhere in my castle. However, don't think that they will escape your fate." Myotismon bared his vampiric fangs in a sadistic grin as his henchmon returned, clutching something square and flat in one of his claws. "Ah, excellent!" The powerful digimon took the object and held it up, inspecting it briefly.
"It...it looks like - " Tai stammered.
"A computer disk!" Izzy finished.
"Brilliant deduction, children." Myotismon inserted the disk into a drive located somewhere off-screen and slowly typed a few commands into a keyboard. Izzy noted that his typing style was atrocious.
"In a few minutes," their captor told them, when he'd finished his keyboard-pecking, "you will be subjected to the most horrible, despicable form of torture known to 'mon...a torture so insidious that it is seldom called upon, even to punish the most heinous of criminals."
The children were wide-eyed in horror. "You don't mean..." Sora breathed.
"Yes!" Myotismon roared triumphantly. "You will be forced to...READ FANFICS!"
Blank stares met his announcement.
"Oh. Well, um, I was thinking of something like being drawn and quartered, but you know, this sounds much much worse!" Sora told him, trying to look appropriately horrified.
"Oh, you have no idea," the vampire hissed. Turning, he gestured to his servant. "DemiDevimon! Push the Button!"
"Yessir!" the lowly digimon replied, and poked a large, ominous-looking red button with one claw.
When he did so, havoc broke loose in the room where the kids were held captive. From out of nowhere, a blinking light appeared, and a klaxon began blaring.
"What's going on?!" Kari shouted, covering her ears.
Tai noticed a door slide open nearby, and flung an arm at it. "Everybody inside!" he ordered the others, never considering, as usual, that what lay beyond might be far worse than the problem they currently faced.
Apparently the other children didn't give it much thought either, for they all bolted for the doorway, finding themselves plunged into blackness as it slid shut behind them...
_______________________________________________________
(And now, a musical interlude.)
In the not-too-distant future, on the far-off Digiworld
A baddie named Myotismon hunted a group of boys and girls
They stood in the way of his conquest of Earth
So he decided to make them regret their birth
He lured them all into a clever trap
And with his flunkey, DemiDevimon, he started his attack
(DemiD: "That doesn't rhyme!" Myotis: "Silence!")
Myotis: "I'll send them horrid fanfics that feature them as the stars!"
(DemiD: "La la la!")
"And by the time I'm through with them they'll have some lovely mental scars!"
(La la la!)
Now keep in mind the kids can't control when the stories begin or end
(La la la!)
So if all else fails, they'll just go nuts and learn to make amends...
DIGI-ROLL CALL!
Taichi! ("What the?!")
Yamato! ("Not the hair!")
Sora! ("Get me down!")
Koushiro! ("Prodigious!")
Mimi! ("Look, a door!")
Takeru! ("This is fun!")
Hikari! ("Help me, Obi-Wan!")
Jyoooooou! ("I feel ill.")
If you're wondering how they eat and breathe and other science facts
(Kids: "La la la!")
Then repeat to yourself, "It's just an anime, and I should really just relax!"
For Digimon Science Theatre 3000!
(twannngg!)
(The kids are inside a large, spacious theatre. There is just enough light for them to find seats, and they arrange themselves as follows, from left to right: Izzy, Mimi, Joe, Tai, Sora, Matt, TK, and Kari. The screen is currently dark.)
Tai: So. Fanfic, huh? How bad can this be?
Matt: I have a bad feeling about this.
(The screen suddenly lights up, and words begin scrolling down.)
Joe: Well, here we go, guys. It's been nice knowing you.
DigiMon—The Tsunonrimon Saga—Part One: Jake Sunate and the Crest of Nobility
Chapter One
Matt: Insert "Phantom Menace" Joke Here.
Wind howled through the forest,
All: (make howling noises)
uprooting trees that were not strong enough to bear its force, and bending those that could. Rain pelted the ground turning the dirt into soggy mud. Lightning occasionally flashed in the sky, illuminating several large mountains in the distance.
Tai: It was a dark and stormy night...
At the foot of one of these mountains, a cave mouth yawned open.
TK: (yawns. Soon Matt follows suit, as does everyone else.)
Izzy: Contagious Yawn Syndrome claims more unfortunate victims.
Seated well away from the rainwater pooling at the entrance, a young boy watched the storm rage outside of his shelter. His ears, which had been improved over several years of living in the wild, strained to hear above the tumult of the storm.
Joe: "Tumult." Looks like somebody's got himself a fancy thesaurus.
He stood, as a leathery flapping gradually became audible. The sound was followed moments later by a winged lizard.
Sora: How'd he wind up on Pern?
It was roughly as long as the boy was tall, and its body, though deceptively slender, was clearly well muscled under the skin.
Tai: He had a lifetime membership at Gold's Gym.
The lizard's bright emerald eyes sparkled with intelligence and cunning.
Tai: And pudding.
A mouth arrayed with razor sharp teeth and a long, whiplike tail
Matt: (singing) Whip it! Whip it good!
made it very clear that if you valued your head it was best not to annoy this creature.
The lizard shook droplets of water from its wings.
All: (pantomime shielding their faces from the spray of water)
It turned its lithe head to the boy, who had been standing there quite patiently. The lizard spoke, in a voice that sounded perpetually melancholy and depressed.
Mimi: Oh, Eeyore, you silly old donkey.
"Jake…there are more."
The boy called Jake looked puzzled. "More? Zegimon, what do you mean there are more? More what?"
TK: (Zegimon) "More plump juicy raisins in Kellogg's Raisin Bran!"
Zegimon blinked slowly. "More like you…more humans. I saw them over on the other side of the mountain, trying to climb it. If this storm lets up, I estimate they will be near here by tomorrow."
Jake brushed his long, unruly, light brown hair out of his eyes and unconsciously brought his hands to the tag, which hung on a chain around his neck. "You mean there are more…people?
All: PEOPLE?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!
From my world? Are they adults or kids?" he asked, a tinge of excitement in his voice although he was clearly trying to hide it.
Matt: (singing) I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it!
"They are small like yourself."
Joe: (Dr. Evil) I shall call them...Mini-Me.
Jake didn't bother to conceal his excitement anymore. "I don't believe it! More kids! I…I…" he sat down.
Sora: (Jake) "I've got to vacuum the dirt and polish the rocks if I'm going to have company!"
"I haven't talked to anyone except you Zegimon—don't get me wrong you're great to talk to but I would like more people to have conversations with—for the four years I've been in the Digiworld!"
Joe: (gives head a shake) Whoa. Anyone get a license number on that sentence?
He frowned and looked out into the storm. "But still, it's hard to imagine someone willingly being out in this storm."
Sora: Unless they're from Washington.
However, there WAS someone willingly out in the storm. Eight someones, in fact. Although not all of them were out there willingly.
Izzy: Some had been blackmailed.
"I swear, we're all going to catch pneumonia and die." Joe muttered. "Won't that be fun. Why can't we just stop under some cover and rest? Because if we don't die from pneumonia, exhaustion's gonna get us. And my glasses are fogging up."
Matt: Well, at least Joe's been written in-character.
Joe: Yeah, that's a relief - HEY!
He took off his thick glasses and rubbed them with his shirt to try and clear them up,
Tai: (makes squeaky glass-polishing noises)
but since his shirt was wet it really made the problem only worse. Grumbling, he put them back on.
"Oh, just stop whining Joe," Tai looked over his shoulder at the straggler. "We're almost at the top, and look, the storm's beginning to lighten up!"
All: (singing) I can see clearly now, the rain is gone...
"Wonderful. Then we have coming down to worry about.
Tai: (druggie) Coming down is such a bummer, man.
And aren't we lucky that its not a constant sheet of rain, now its just a downpour."
Izzy: Another *beautiful* spring day in Seattle!
"If you shut up and stop complaining, it won't seem that bad." said Sora, who was near the top of the procession.
Sora: That was rather harsh of me.
Joe: Well, it's just the fanfic version of you; it's understandable.
"Look, even T.K. and Kari are complaining less than you." She motioned to the two youngest of the group, who were climbing, albeit
Joe: Thesaurus Word #2! I should start keeping track.
slowly over a large rock outcropping, helped by Matt, Palmon and surprisingly Mimi, who hadn't complained even once, which was even more surprising.
Izzy: But not half as surprising as the fact that she'd shaved off all her hair and was wearing Goth clothing!
Mimi: Ick! Take it back!
"Yeah, come on, Joe, its not that bad." Piped up the ever-cheerful Gomamon. "Just keep on putting one paw in front of the other and its fine."
Joe grumbled some more, but he fell quiet after a time. He protested once when Biyomon perched on his head to rest so he couldn't see and he tripped over a rock and slid about thirty feet back down the mountain,
Joe: Why am I always the one who's falling down mountainsides and stuff?
Tai: Cuz it's funny when it happens to you.
(Impulsively, Joe shoves Tai out of his seat and onto the floor. Everyone else giggles, despite a valiant attempt to cover it up.)
Joe: (sounding extremely pleased with himself) Personally, I thought that was *much* funnier.
Tai: (muttering as he climbs back into his seat) You're askin' for it, Four-Eyes.
but other than that, he was very good-natured… for him, that was.
Matt: Oil, that is. Black gold! Texas tea!
Sora: God bless you, Nick at Nite.
"Well guys, we're at the top!" Tai gestured around him to illustrate his point, but as the summit was shrouded in a cloud, the effect was rather lost.
All: (triumphant at first, then deflated) Huzza!...oh, nevermind.
Agumon sat down on a rock next to Patamon to rest. "So now what do we do?"
Sora: Everyone start knitting!
Matt answered simply, "We go back down." He sprang to his feet.
Mimi: BOI-I-I-INNNGG!
"We aren't accomplishing anything just by lying around here."
Palmon walked to the edge of the mountain and looked down.
Kari: (Palmon) "I can see my house from here!"
When she looked back up, she was obviously shaken.
Matt: Not stirred.
"And how exactly are you planning on doing that? I don't think you've taken a look." At this, the entire party looked over the edge and every single one of them that couldn't fly visibly paled. It was almost a completely vertical drop to the jagged rocks far below.
Tai: Oh, well. Let's give up and go home.
Joe: Hey, that's my line! (blinks) What am I saying?
"I suppose if we had Biyomon, Tentomon, and Patamon digivolve, they could carry us down…" said Sora, but she didn't look too certain.
"Hey!" T.K. shouted.
All: (wince and cover ears)
"Look, everyone! There's a path over there!" He pointed off to the side of the mountain, where there was indeed a twisting path to the base of the mountain.
"All right T.K!" Tai shouted, sprinting towards the path, most of the others following.
"Wait! Guys, who or what could have carved this path into solid rock? And why? Guys!!" The others didn't even slow down to listen to Joe's warnings. "I don't know why I try." Sighed Joe as he too took the path.
Joe: I *work* and I *slave* for you people, and what thanks do I get?
Matt: Shut up, Joe.
Joe: Exactly!
The crevice loomed before Izzy, stretching down farther than he could see. "Whoa," he said. "You wouldn't want to fall down here."
Tai: (to Izzy) How do you know? Maybe we would.
Izzy: Tai...oh, forget it.
Mimi took off her large hat and ran a gloved hand through her hair. "So how do we get across? We can't jump across, that's for certain. And this time there's no trail carved in the rock."
The group thought, yet produced no solutions. Kari suddenly felt a prick on her leg, and looked down to see what it was.
Mimi: The mosquitoes in the Digiworld are simply HUGE!
Gatomon was looking behind them, poking Kari frantically with a sharp claw. "Ow! Cut that out, Gatomon!" But the catlike DigiMon kept on poking.
Tai: (Gatomon) "Does this bug you? Does this bug you? I'm not touching you!"
"Stop that, Gatomon! We're trying to think about how to cross the canyon!"
A voice spoke up from behind the group, causing all of them to jump in unison.
Izzy: Right off the cliff!
All: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaahhh... *splat*
"It'd be a lot simpler if you took the bridge."
TK: Take it where?
They turned to see a boy sitting on a rock behind them, with a dangerous-looking lizard DigiMon perched right next to him. The DigiMon's bright green eyes never wavered from the group, and its tail flicked several times. The boy had spiky, unkempt light brown hair, and mesmerizing gray eyes that reminded Kari strongly of the clouds they had encountered up on the peak. He was wearing a jungle green shirt loosely, and well-worn blue jeans. He was very good looking, she thought.
Tai: (to Kari) You're not dating anyone until you're twenty-three, young lady.
Kari: Oh, please. That guy is *so* not my type.
Sora: How can you even *have* a type? You're only eight!
And, Kari noticed, he was wearing a tag around his neck imbedded with a crest they hadn't seen or heard about before, and he had a Digivice on a chain that was clipped to a belt loop. Did this mean that he, too, was a Digidestined?
Mimi: You might be a redneck Digi-Destined if you keep your wallet and your Digivice on a chain.
The boy cleared his throat. "I said, it'd be a lot simpler if you took the bridge over there." He pointed, and by reflex, Kari looked.
TK: Ha ha! Made ya look! I love that joke!
Laid across the crevice was a fallen tree trunk, which none of them had noticed before.
Matt was the first to speak. "Who…who are you? Why do you have a crest and a Digivice? Are you a Digidestined? How did you get here?"
Sora: How many men were on the grassy knoll? Why aren't hamburgers made out of ham? What is the sound of one hand clapping?
The boy held up his hands.
Mimi: (Jake) "Duh, I can show you the sound of two hands clapping..."
"Whoa, whoa. One question at a time, please. First of all, I'm Jake, and this is Zegimon." The lizard bowed its head in greeting, yet its eyes never moved.
Kari: So it's sort of like one of those paintings where the eyes follow you wherever you go.
Sora: Creepy.
"I'm Tai."
Tai: LIAR!
Matt: Dude, settle down, it's just a fanfic.
"Sora."
Sora: Present!
"I'm Palmon, and this is Mimi."
"Matt here."
TK: (points to Matt) No, Matt there.
"Gabumon."
"I'm Agumon."
Kari spoke, her voice a bit flustered.
Kari: I feel like a giddy schoolgirl! Oh, wait...
"I'm Kari, this is Gatomon, that's T.K., and that's Patamon."
As the rest of the group introduced themselves,
Tai: But wasn't that everybody? How many more people are with us in this story?
Sora: Probably a couple of self-insertion characters, somebody's long-lost distant relatives...
Matt: The cast of "Ben-Hur".
Jake stood up. "I have a crest and a Digivice. Because, like you, I am
Izzy: An alcoholic.
a Digidestined."
Izzy: Oh.
Joe started to say something, but Jake cut him off.
Joe: (extremely bitter) Oh, *THERE'S* something new!
"I know, I know. You guys are the Digidestined, right? Well that's not right, exactly. I was the first human to ever come here, as far as I know." His eyes grew more misty than they were before.
Kari: Cuz his eyes were like clouds, get it? ...Never mind.
"I was transported
Tai: (singing) To a faraway planet, to a world where monsters rule...
Sora: Hey, that could've been our theme song...
here four years ago, and I've been living in the wild for all that time."
Izzy: (as nature-show host) Here we see the very rare and elusive Jake Sunate in the wild.
Mimi was incredulous. "Four years? When I first came, I got sick of the place in four MINUTES! How did you ever survive four years?"
Matt: One word: Spam.
"It wasn't easy," agreed Jake. "But it can be done." A drop of water fell on his head, and he looked up.
Tai: Just as a huge flock of birds flew by...
Sora: Yuck!
"Looks like the storm is coming back again. I'm afraid the other questions will have to wait. If you'll follow me, I can take you to my home, and you guys can rest, wash up, and have a bite to eat.
Mimi: (Jake) "Plus I've got cable and South Park's on!"
Best of all, its sheltered from the storm. Come on!" He walked across the tree trunk calmly. Kari, without really stopping to think, followed him. Of course, then Tai, her older brother, had to follow her. And everyone else was close behind.
Chapter Two
"So exactly how did you get here?" asked Sora, leaning back against the walls of the cave.
Matt: (Jake) "Oh, I took the number 23 to Cottage Grove, rode a produce truck up Highway 40 and used the interdimensional portal behind the 7-Eleven. You?"
"I mean, we all were transported here at the same time, and we were all together. It doesn't make any sense for one single Digidestined to be brought to the Digiworld."
Jake sighed and hunched closer to the flickering fire they had built.
Tai: Flames...hypnotising...
"I don't know," he said at last. "I went to bed one night, and I didn't notice anything irregular. I woke up in the middle of the night,
TK: He had to potty.
and there was this Digivice—of course I didn't know what it was then, but I do know now—on my table. I picked it up and was transported here. Then I met Liquamon," he pointed to Zegimon, who was perched on a ledge near the cave's ceiling. "Who is Zegimon's deDigivolved form. I've been here ever since."
T.K. looked at Jake. "Don't you miss your family and friends? Aren't you lonely?"
Tai: (Jake, lustily) "Oh, *very* lonely..."
Jake was silent for a long time. "Of course I miss them. I just…gave up on them, I guess. I doubt I'll ever be able to go home. And neither will you guys."
Sora: Well, thanks, Mr. Sunshine. You make Joe look like an opimist.
Joe: Yeah, what a - HEY!!
T.K. shook his head. "Nope, you're wrong! We've been back there!"
Tai spoke up. "I went back twice."
Tai: After they'd changed the theme of the light parade.
"Really? You've been back there? Tell me what happened! I haven't been back in so long!"
(Everyone begins talking at once about a variety of different things which might have happened in the last four years. After a couple of minutes, everybody abruptly stops and resumes reading the fanfic.)
They launched into a long explanation of how they had followed Myotismon to the real world, and fought him in a series of bitter conflicts. Gatomon and Kari interjected when needed. "So I Digivolved into Angewomon and destroyed Myotismon with my Celestial Arrow attack," Gatomon said. "But he had killed my friend Wizardmon…" her eyes began to water.
Mimi: (Gatomon) "Stupid onions!"
"And then he wasn't even defeated, but he Digivolved to Venom Myotismon. So Wizardmon died for nothing…" tears began to trickle down her face. "He died for absolutely nothing."
"That's not true, Gatomon!" reassured Biyomon. "Remember, he saved Angemon from Myotismon's Grizzly
Sora: Adams?
Wing attack! And he caused your love for him to make Kari's Digivice glow, which made DemiDevimon drop it! So he really saved us all."
"I hope so," sniffed Gatomon. "I still really miss him."
Kari put her hand on her DigiMon partner's head. "It's okay. We all really miss him. Just try and remember how he helped us by getting the real Crest of Light and everything else! If he hadn't been around, you probably would have never discovered you were the eighth DigiMon!" she pointed out.
Tai: (begins making shadow animals on the screen)
Matt: What are you doing?
Tai: Well, it's just that we went kind of a long time without saying anything. I was trying to break up the monotony.
A melancholy silence set in. It lasted for a long while before Jake decided to break it.
Joe: (Jake) "They haven't moved in thirteen years...maybe I should do something."
He stood up and walked to the back of the cave, out of everyone's sight. He returned moments later holding something in his hands. "I hope you don't mind if I play this," he said, holding up a large
Izzy: Pipe organ.
harmonica. "But I've gotten kind of used to playing it late at night to keep from getting lonely."
Matt looked at him. "You play the harmonica too?" he inquired. "So do I." He reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out his own instrument.
Tai: (Jake) "Huh huh. Mine's bigger."
"Yeah!" cried Gomamon. "Let's jam!" Even the stony-faced Zegimon cracked a toothy lizard semi-smile at this.
Jake started into a steady blues rhythm, playing the bass line.
Matt: This is a blues riff in 'B'; watch me for the changes, and try to keep up, okay?
Joe: Gratuitous 80's movie reference, awaaaaaay!
After a few seconds of Matt not playing, he stopped. "Uh, feel free to join in at any time, Matt."
"I know that!" said Matt, an expression of annoyance on his face. "I was just trying to figure out when to come in! Now lets start again." Once again, Jake began the bass line.
Tai: Reel 'em in, quick! Get it? Bass line?
Matt: Yeah, mm-hmm. Funny.
In several seconds, Matt joined in with a top part. The two of them played a wonderful duet, with several notable parts, including a solo by Jake which traveled all the way up his harmonica's range and back down again, and Matt's incredible improvisation ending. They stopped to a warm round of applause.
Izzy: (Jake/Matt) "Screw the clapping, give us some change!"
Jake smiled, but then it disappeared suddenly. However, no one noticed this. Except for Zegimon, whose bright emerald eyes were locked onto Jake's face. Jake heaved a sigh, which also went largely unnoticed.
Joe: But when he started chucking rocks at people's heads and screaming about the Apocalypse, the others sat up and took notice.
As the fire died down, most of the others went to sleep.
Guys: (loud, wall-shaking snoring noises)
Sora: (nudges Tai) C'mon, it's bad enough I have to listen to that when you guys really are asleep! I don't wanna hear it while I'm trying to read a fanfic!
Tai: We're not that bad...are we?
Mimi: Just keep telling yourself that, Tai.
Jake remained awake, however. When he was sure everyone was slumbering soundly, he stood up.
TK: (Jake) "Heh heh...now to put their hands in bowls of warm water!"
Narrowly missing stepping on Agumon's tail,
Kari: Agumon doesn't really have much of a tail to step on. It's more like a little stub.
Tai: Don't tell him that; he's very sensitive about the size of his tail.
he walked out of the cave. He climbed up to above the cave's mouth and hiked a ways up the mountainside to a grove of trees. Ignoring the dampness of the bark, he pulled his way up one of them.
Jake grabbed a stone out of his pocket and heaved it at a bunch of berries hanging farther along the branch.
Matt: Hey, what'd those berries ever do to you?!
He missed, and sighed again.
Flaps echoed through the air. Startled, he rolled out of the tree
Izzy: Um, is that really a smart idea?
and crouched down. "Who's there?"
"It's just me, Jake."
Joe: Aaaaaahhh! A clone!
"Oh. Zegimon. I thought you were asleep." Said Jake, climbing back to his perch.
Kari: Jake's a parakeet?
Zegimon ruffled his wings once. "I was, but you should know by now that I sleep very lightly. I heard someone walking, and I woke up. I saw it was you, so I followed." Zegimon looked at the berries hanging from the branch. "If you want to get those down, this method is simpler…LASER WHIP!"
Matt: HAIKEEBA!
Zegimon's long tail glowed a bright crimson, then swung around releasing an arc of energy that cut through the berries' stem. The berries fell to the ground.
"That's great, but I really don't care."
Kari: (Zegimon) "Oh, just because *I* got them down when *you* couldn't, you suddenly don't care anymore. Sore loser."
Zegimon rested his large eyes on Jake's silhouetted form.
Mimi: That's a creepy image.
"What's wrong?"
"The truth is, I don't know, Zegimon." He closed his eyes. "I haven't been around people in so long—four years! I'm not very comfortable with them. And look what they've been doing, going around saving the Digital world! I've been here for FOUR YEARS, Zegimon, and I have just been staying here doing the same things night after night.
Izzy: Ugh. Please keep that sort of thing to yourself.
I don't know…I'm just not like them, I don't understand how or why."
The branch above Jake shook as Zegimon alighted upon it. "I heard them talking during your harmonica playing. It was…" he thought. "Sora, Gabumon, and Tai. They said that they would invite you to come with them on their journey."
Sora: So be sure to check your mailbox, and remember to fill out the little response card.
Jake exhaled through clenched teeth. "Why am I not surprised? I don't know…I want human company again, but have I really been alone so long that I've overestimated it? They're all fine,
Tai: (Jake) "Especially Mimi...rrrrrrowwrr!"
Matt: Tai, are you trying to tell us something?
Tai: What?! No!
but…and then there's the part of going up against the evil DigiMon. I don't have the guts to do that! That's why I just stay in the cave." He reached his hand to his neck and removed the crest. "This is the Crest of Nobility. Hah! I don't deserve this…I don't deserve any of this!"
Mimi: Calgon, take me away!
He flung the crest as hard as he can into the night. Zegimon flew after it, and returned a few minutes later with it held in his claw.
TK: He's good at playing 'fetch'.
He dropped it into Jake's hand. "You never know, Jake." He said, his eyes sympathetic. "Believe me, you never know." The two of that stayed like that for a long time into the night.
All: (singing) In the still...of the ni-ight...
"What do you mean you aren't coming with us? Are you crazy?" shouted Tai.
Tai: (French accent) Are you stark raving NAKED?!
"Come on, I mean, you'd be a valuable addition to the group and all. Plus, you can…uh…you can…play the harmonica well! That's something!"
Jake stood there impassive.
Joe: (Jake) "Your flattery will accomplish nothing, peasant."
"I'm sorry. I just don't feel up to the task of traveling all over the Digiworld. Again, I'm sorry but my mind is made up, and you can't change it."
Izzy: However, you'd do us all a huge favour if you changed your socks.
"But…but…" sputtered Tai.
Matt: Say it, don't spray it, buddy.
Sora put a hand on Tai's shoulder. "Calm down, Tai. He doesn't have to go with us if he doesn't want to."
Tai was still mad, but he managed to rein in his emotions for the moment. Patamon spoke up from where he was hovering beside T.K.'s head. "We will miss you, though."
Joe: That is, you've come to mean so much to us that if we're ever forced to throw things at your head, we'll try not to hit you.
Tai: Um...okay.
Joe: (sighs) That was a lot funnier before I said it out loud.
Jake cracked a small smile. "I'll miss you guys too, but I just feel that I belong here. Maybe we'll meet again." His words were hopeful, but the tone of his voice suggested he felt otherwise. Everyone else looked the same way.
Kari: Down and slightly to the left.
"Well…I guess this is goodbye." Murmured Palmon.
Jake nodded. "I guess so…well…goodbye."
Sora: Yeah, well, goodbye.
Mimi: 'Bye.
Sora: G'bye.
Mimi: See you later.
Sora: Mmm-hmm, bye.
Tai: Geez, just say it and walk away! What is *with* you girls and your long good-byes?!
As the Digidestined turned and walked off, Jake cleared his throat, causing all of them to turn back. "Yes?" Asked Izzy.
"A piece of advice."
Tai: (Jake) "Don't eat the yellow snow."
Kari: Yuck!
Jake pointed to up along the craggy mountain range. "That way, although longer and more rough, is the route I would recommend. Do NOT go through the lowlands."
"And why not?" Kari said. "It looks fine to us."
Zegimon took to the sky and circled over the group, finally coming down to perch over the cave entrance. "I can't say from experience, but we've heard…things…coming from over there.
Izzy: (ominously) Things accompanied by...*doo-hickeys.*
Some say that the land over there is Devimon's territory."
Tai laughed. "Don't you remember? We defeated Devimon! Nothing that he had can hurt us as long as we're a team! Right?"
Matt: And with a few simple words, Tai dooms the party to utter disaster.
Joe: Like that's never happened before.
Tai: Shut up!
"Don't be too sure of that, Tai. Remember this warning." Admonished Jake. However, Tai had already turned to leave, as had most of the other Digidestined.
Joe turned to him, a knowing look on his face. "Now you know how I feel all the time."
Joe: I suddenly like the author.
Matt: (mutters) Kiss-up.
Chapter Three
"I still don't know why we couldn't have listened to Jake." Remarked Biyomon as she flew along besides Sora.
TK: Sora's flying too?
Matt: Hmmmm...it's possible.
"So what if it was a bit longer? He said it was safer, and he has been here for four years! So he probably knows what he's talking about."
Sora: I know of *some* people who've been doing their jobs for four years and *still* don't have a clue as to what they're talking about.
Matt: Watch the political commentary, Sora.
Sora: (innocently) Political commentary? What political commentary?
"That's easy for you to say, Biyomon! You can fly! And besides, we haven't seen any thing to worry about and we've been walking for almost two hours! It's safe!" Retorted Gomamon.
Matt: And with a few simple words, Gomamon dooms the party to utter disaster.
Mimi sat down abruptly. "My feet are killing me! Can't we rest for a few minutes?" The others blearily spoke up in agreement.
Joe: "Blearily"...sounds like a thesaurus word to me. (takes out a notebook and pencil and writes it down)
"Well, this looks as good a place to stop as any," said Matt, looking around the area. "It's open, but there's shelter nearby if we need it, see that grove over there? Also, the river nearby will give us the water we need.
Kari: And there's a Denny's right over there, too!
In fact, I think that we should camp here for the night. It looks like it starts to head uphill into the mountains and I doubt we'll get much farther when we start the climb."
"Matt's right." Izzy said, lying down. "We won't make it to any good sites for camping in the mountains, and if we did find one, the odds of severe weather changes are much more significant at higher altitudes."
Kari: Izzy needs subtitles.
Izzy: Bah.
T.K. looked confused. "So what does that mean?"
"It means that it'll rain, T.K." Sora sat down and leaned her back against a tree trunk.
"Ohhhh."
All: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.
Izzy sat upright. "We'll need to make a fire, but all the wood around here is supersaturated with water from the river. Who wants to go look for firewood?"
TK: (waving hand in the air) Ooh! Ooh! Pick me, pick me!
Tai: (same) No, pick me!
Izzy: I worry about you, Tai.
"I'll go." Volunteered Kari.
"If Kari's going, I'll go too!" T.K. stood up.
Sora shrugged. "Someone's got to keep an eye on those two. I'll go."
Gatomon, Patamon, and Biyomon all agreed to go with their partners as well.
They waited, but after no one else volunteered, the six of them turned and walked into the forest.
Matt: Everyone else knew that walking into the forest after ignoring the warnings of a newly-introduced, mysterious character was just asking for trouble.
Jake paused from stirring the chili he was making for him and Zegimon. Something definitely didn't feel right.
TK: (Jake) "Hey, I'm sitting in a puddle!"
However, he couldn't put his finger on it.
"Jake?" asked Zegimon. "What is it, Jake?"
Joe: (Zegimon) "Did Timmy fall down the well again?"
"I'm not sure, Zegimon…" Jake dropped the spoon and looked straight into Zegimon's eyes. "I really don't like this."
Mimi: I agree. Chili's gross.
The ground shook. Then it shook again. And again. And again.
Tai: Aaaaauuugh! It's a "Jurassic Park" crossover!
The five remaining Digidestined were jolted from peaceful slumbers.
Tai mumbled "Sora…" before fully awaking.
All: (stare at Tai)
Matt: Ho-HO! Tai, is there something you're not telling us?
Joe: Y'know, I always suspected as much, but I never had any way to prove it...
Tai: (angry) It's all a lie! I deny everything! IT'S JUST A FANFIC!!!
Sora: Well, you don't need to act like it's some sort of curse. Hmph.
Tentomon looked at Tai strangely. "What did you just say?"
Tai's face started to turn a bright shade of magenta. "Oh, nothing, nothing at all."
Matt: (Tai) "I wasn't having a dream that involved Sora and a can of whipped cream!"
Tai: (absolutely livid) Shut up before I kick your sorry behind, Matt!
Sora: (also peeved) And if he doesn't, I will.
"Really? Because I could have sworn you said S---
TK: Uuuuummmmm, Tai said a naughty word!
Kari: I'm telling Mom when we get home!
mmphh!" Tentomon was cut off as Tai clasped his hands over the DigiMon's speaker/mouth thing.
Mimi interrupted them. "What in the world is that?"
Tai: That's called a tree, Mimi.
Mimi: (completely oblvious) What? I'm sorry, did you say something?
Tai: Never mind.
A gigantic robot was walking beyond the mountains—it was so big, in fact, that its upper body could easily be seen over the peaks.
Izzy: (robot) I am not a gun.
It was the robot's footsteps that had woken them up.
"That's Cybermon. He's Andromon's Mega form! Usually, he's very docile, but he is extremely territorial, and may turn violent towards intruders. If he does decide he wants to destroy you, you had better watch out, since he's loaded for Bearmon.
Tai: (makes some more shadow animals)
Sora: How do you make that rabbit-dog-thing?
Tai: Like this, see? (demonstrates)
Matt: Guys, this scene isn't that boring.
His Pulse Cannon will rip through a champion-stage DigiMon in seconds, and his Cluster Missile attack will knock any flying DigiMon out of the sky!" piped up Tentomon, as always, with the necessary information.
"Do you think that we're in his territory?" inquired Joe nervously.
Izzy: Well, if the trees have been marked with motor oil, that's probably a pretty good indicator.
"Probably we'd better back off."
"Oh, don't worry Joe!" Agumon said. "If we were in his territory, he would have detected us by now, and we would definitely know it."
Matt: And with a few simple words, Agumon dooms the party to utter disaster.
As if to punctuate Agumon's words, Cybermon began to turn around.
Joe: - and sprinkled commas and exclamation points all over the ground.
However, he passed the group of Digidestined, and seemed to focus on a point a few hundred meters away, in the forest. Deep in the forest.
This suddenly dawned on Matt and Tai, who bolted upright in an instant.
"T.K.!" shouted Matt.
"Kari!" yelled Tai.
They looked at each other. "Sora!" they both shouted.
Izzy: Chief!
Joe: McCloud!
Together, they took off at a dead run towards the wood-gathering group, the others following closely behind.
Matt: So...we fell asleep while waiting for our friends to collect firewood?
Joe: My faith in us has suddenly plummeted.
T.K. picked up another stick from the ground, adding to the accumulating pile of wood in his arms. Suddenly he heard the crackling of sticks. Someone was coming this way—fast. He turned, just in time to see Matt and Tai come crashing through the trees.
"T.K., Kari, Sora…we've got to get out of here! No time to explain! Come on!" panted Matt.
"What are you talking about, Matt?" Asked Sora.
Sora: He just *said* there was no time to explain, you twit!
Tai: Sora, you're yelling at yourself.
Sora: My incredibly *dumb* self.
"No time!! Come on you guys!" T.K. walked over to Matt, and Patamon followed.
"So what's this about?" T.K. looked up at his big brother.
Izzy: (Matt) "I just *told* you that there was no time to - gah! You people are driving me *CRAZY*!"
Matt started to run. "Come on we need to get away!" T.K. was stunned but then followed, as did the others, still unsure of what was wrong.
A root caught Sora's foot, however, and she fell to the ground. "Sora!" cried Tai, and he turned back to her.
Sora: Oh, sure. I can manoeuver a soccer ball all the way across a field, shoot goals and do a bicycle kick, but as soon as something starts chasing me I get all klutzy and trip over dust motes. Figures.
It was then that a hideous screeching filled the air,
Tai: (very softly, so only Joe and Sora can hear him) Mimi found out what she really looks like first thing in the morning.
Mimi: I HEARD THAT!
Tai: Eep.
along with a bright blue light.
Kari: Digimon from all over the area began trampling one another to get to the sale aisle at K-Mart.
Several explosions rocked the area of the forest where they had been moments earlier.
(Everyone lurches wildly in their seats.)
Tai was hurled up in the air and flung into a tree. He slid to the ground in tremendous pain. He willed his eyes to open. Kari was a few feet away, virtually unharmed, luckily she had been huddling behind a rock when the attack came. T.K. and Matt were farther away, so they hadn't been affected as much. Even now, they were climbing to their feet.
Sora: Does this look right, Tai? (makes a shadow puppet on the screen)
Tai: Umm...is that the dog, or the bunny?
Sora: It was supposed to be a swan.
Matt: C'mon, guys, this is exciting! Stuff's blowing up! Bodies are flying everywhere! Somebody's probably near death by now! How can you make shadow animals at a time like this?!
Of Sora—Tai looked to see her limp body in the center of the devastation. Fighting waves of nausea and pain, he struggled to stand up. He rushed to her side.
Sora: Of course *I'm* the one near death. It always has to be one of the girls, doesn't it?!
Sora was in bad shape. Blood was pooling all around her body and there was a growing crimson stain on her stomach. Burns covered much of her body. She didn't look like she would survive.
Joe: (turns green) Ugh. I feel ill.
Izzy: Come on, Joe, it's just textual blood.
Joe: So?!
It was at that moment that the other Digidestined ran in. "Oh, my…" said Mimi, clapping her hands
Kari: Sora's dead and you're applauding? Sicko!
to her mouth as she saw Sora. The others simply couldn't speak.
Tai: So they pantomimed instead.
Agumon was the first to spot the problem. "Uh guys? There's still the little thing about an insane robot." He pointed to where Cybermon was leveling his smoldering Pulse Cannon at them. "I think we have trouble!" And that was a definite understatement.
To Be Continued...
All: Bum bum BUMMMMMM!
(A small, white light in the corner of the theatre begins blinking. Mimi points to it.)
Mimi: What's that blinky light thingy mean?
Myotismon: (off-screen) It means your torture session is over for now. Return to the main room.
TK: Yippee!
Joe: Phew, just in time. I need some Pepto-Bismol.
(The kids stand up and begin filing out of the theatre.)
Tai: That wasn't too bad, huh guys?
Joe: Why is it that every time you say that, I feel like I'm going to throw up?
Izzy: You already feel like you're going to throw up because of the battle scene.
Joe: I can feel nauseous about more than one thing, can't I?
__________________________________________________________
The children filed out of the theatre, not sure what to make of this new and heretofore unheard-of form of torture.
"You know," Sora commented, thoughtfully, "that really wasn't as bad as I suspected it would be."
"I have to agree with you there," Izzy added.
Joe stared at them aghast. "Have you all gone mad? This was clearly just something to test us! Myotismon only wants to soften us up before he unleashes his unholy wrath on us!" He was close to hyperventilating now. "Why am I the only one who thinks of these things?! Are the rest of you so gullible that you'll fall for every obvious trick - oh crud," he croaked, before finding a convenient potted plant into which he could toss his cookies.
"It's only a fanfic, Joe. You should really just relax," Mimi told him, wrinkling her nose at the telltale sounds of puking coming from his direction.
"Ah, I see my plan is starting to take effect!" Myotismon's smug voice cut into their conversation.
"On who, Joe? He'll barf at the drop of a hat," Matt said dismissively.
"That's not true," the queasy boy began indignantly, then turned back to the plant to resume his activities.
"Come on, man, we've been through lots worse than that!" Tai scoffed. "I mean, Devimon was pretty gnarly, for starters."
"Etemon was no fun either," Mimi added.
"And let us not forget the whole incident with...well, you know..." Tai trailed off.
"With what?" Myotismon looked simultaneously puzzled and indignant.
"Well...with your talking crotch. I mean, come *on*, that had to be hands down the most *disgusting* thing I've ever laid eyes on!" Tai grimaced at the mental image that had been indelibly imprinted on his brain.
"Ugh! Tai, did you have to remind us?" Sora complained, frowning.
Joe, who had been looking marginally better up till that moment, promptly turned green and darted back to the potted plant.
TK whimpered and hid his face in Matt's pant leg. "I still have nightmares about that!"
Matt looked no less haunted. "So do I, TK. So do I."
Myotismon's pale face sported a hint of red around his cheeks. "Oh, come on! Surely it wasn't that bad!"
"Are you *kidding*? It was *appalling*!" Kari practically shouted. "What kind of thing is that for a bunch of little kids to see? Most places have *laws* against that sort of activity!"
"I am Lord Myotismon! I am above rules!" shouted the would-be dictator, but he was blushing like a college student caught reading hentai.
"But are you above decency? Have you no shame?" cried Mimi, clasping her hands in front of her. "And in the end, what did you really gain by exposing yourself in front of thousands of citizens? I hope you're proud of yourself, you digital freak! I hope you're *really* proud!" And she broke down sobbing.
Sora shook her finger at Myotismon. "You see, young man? It took your hideous, speaking naughty bits to scar *us* for life. You're going to have to do much better than this fanfic if you want to break our wills."
Myotismon looked abashed. "I-I'm sorry," he stammered. "I'll try better next time, really I will..."
"Well, see that you do. Now go to your room, and you'll have no supper tonight." Sora crossed her arms firmly across her chest.
"Yes'm..." Myotismon trailed dejectedly offscreen.
"That was...odd," Izzy commented.
"Well, now that we've challenged him, he'll probably come up with something far worse to torture us with next time." Matt looked rather depressed, which was unusual for him.
"Oh well. What should we do to pass the time until he comes back?" Tai asked.
Sora shrugged, clearly at a loss for ideas. "I'm sure we'll think of something."
And so the eight children lapsed into silence, trying to think of something entertaining to occupy themselves in the meantime. Ultimately, no one came up with anything, and before they knew it Myotismon had returned to the viewscreen, looking wholly malicious and evil...
PART II COMING SOON
DISCLAIMER
As always, I do not own anything associated with "Digimon: Digital Monsters"; they belong to the folks at Toei. "The Tsunonrimon Saga", in its entirety, belongs to its author, 7 of 11.
ABSOLUTELY NO INSULT is intended to the aforementioned 7 of 11, who is a genuinely talented writer and a darn nice guy for letting me MiST this, especially after Kenji Kotaro already took a shot at it. Speaking of whom, Kenji, I hope you don't think I'm ripping you off, because that's not my intent at all! I encourage everyone to read his MiSTing of this story as well, since it's very funny.
stinger
A root caught Sora's foot, however, and she fell to the ground.
/stinger
