That afternoon had already shifted to the onset of evening. The sun hidden by gray clouds, that looked about to rain once more, even though it had dropped some of its burden earlier in the day. The trees already started, sprinkling the leftover rain, the wind shaking the water droplets out of their leafy cocoons.
She shivered in her damp jeans, her feet starting to become numb regardless of the water boots sturdy protection. Her hair sparkled with the light spray of water, almost like how her boyfriends would in the sunlight. Luckily her raincoat protected her upper body from the cold onslaught of the elements, yet even that weighed her down the longer she stood, waiting for him to talk. She shifted uneasily.
Her boyfriend, on the opposite side, looked nothing like his burdened girlfriend. He couldn't avoid the elements, yet it appeared they did it for him. He looked less life a teenager out with his girlfriend than he did like a model shooting an advertisement with the help of his assistant. The contrast didn't go unnoticed by her.
"We are leaving." He spoke softly, like how one would when approaching a skittish animal. He looked up at her through hooded lashes. "My family and I- not you" and in case she still hadn't understood, "Bella, you're not to come with us."
And even though this was the third time he had said it, Bella still stared at him incomprehensibly. It didn't make sense, where would they go that she couldn't come along? Why did he make them into two units, the family versus herself? Bella, all alone, not a part of the family.
"I don't want you to come with us." He continued when she still hadn't responded. "You don't belong with us." I don't want you with us, with me. I don't want you. And it clicked. All those times she had to teach herself that she had indeed finally found her place, a family who wanted her not just to cook, to clean, to fill the niche "daughter", but genuinely wanted her as a member of their family. All those convincing, both on her side and theirs, fell apart to what she had already suspected. They already had everyone they needed in the family, a loving, doting mother, a compassionate, strong father, a hyper sister who gave the family energy, a funny, protective brother, and even the two distant siblings who appeared stoic on the outside, but still had fond eyes for their family and respective lover. They had all the pieces, they had no need for additional.
But if anything, Bella had thought she would fit the spare, that she had fit Edward. That like Edward, they were the odd ones out who didn't quite have a job to fulfill, but fulfilled one another, and together added a third dimension to the family. And perhaps Edward already did that. He didn't need her to complete his place. She had no place, not with him, not with his family. But after months and months trying to convince herself otherwise, the small part that had been giving in, that had succeeded in finding her part in the puzzle, that part couldn't believe what she was hearing now.
But just as that part of her was beginning to protest, he was gone. No indentures on the soft soil he previously stood, the winding misdirecting the faint traces of his scent, Bella was left just as she was before she had met him- alone. She had been content with that before, she hadn't realized there was a feeling outside of it. But once he gave her a taste, a taste of how life could be with friends and family, someone you took care of and they took care of you too, she didn't want to go back to how she was before. She didn't want to go back to a time before him, before them.
And so, she followed after him. Aimlessly searching, wandering into the forest even as it continued to thicken and the clouds let go of its second rain. Even as rain seeped through the defenses of her raincoat and her chest became numb, it didn't matter to her. The coldness felt good on her rising temperature, and her chest, it would have been numb anyway. It wasn't until she was miles away from home that she tripped. And when she tried to stand up, the slick mud with the addition to her numb feet, wouldn't give her strength to move on. She failed him. She failed them. And as she let herself close her eyes, she began the path where she failed the most important person. She began to fail herself.
Hours later a huge wolf would approach the girl. His soft fur would soothingly caress her blue cheeks. He knew of the girl he was supposed to find. He had been given an old yearbook photo taken years ago. He searched with the thought in mind that the girl he would find would be older, slightly more developed. But when he found her, while all those assumptions had been true, he hadn't been able to predict the youth she still pertained. It was when her large doe eyes first opened at the sound of his sniffing. The innocent hurt, that blind acceptance, and unquestionable trust, that when she was told she did something wrong then there indeed must have been something she had done wrong. It was when her heart rate didn't pick up from seeing a wolf five times her size, leaning over her, open mouthed and full teeth on display. He saw something broken in the girl. And when the wind blew, under the dirt and earthy smell, his sensitive nose was able to pick up the faint sickly perfume he innately knew. In the girl he saw a victim, another casualty easily forgotten by her slayers. Quickly the wolf transformed into his male counterpart and swept the girl into his warm embrace. As he held her tightly against his chest, he felt the minuscule vibrations of her lips attempting to make sounds. He tilted his head in an attempt to hear her.
"He's gone. They're gone. Everyone. Gone." And the streams on her cheeks he previously assumed was rain, smelled of salty tears. She was grieving he concluded. But now they are gone she will be able to grieve more than she could if they had stayed. He brought her home and reassured her father of her recovery. He too had felt grief, and with time he was confident she too could overcome.
He would be the first of many to acknowledge her grief, yet to overlook her loss.
"Grief: The normal process of reacting to a loss. The loss may be physical (such as a death), social (such as divorce), or occupational (such as a job). Emotional reactions of grief can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness, and despair."- definition by MedicineNet
One can have Loss without Grief, but Grief cannot be experienced without loss.
This will be a story that depicts Edwards leave in New Moon with a Loss and Grief perspective. I gather much of my information from J. William Worden Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, such as his model of the four tasks of mourning, his definition and ideas of stigmatized, disenfranchised, and complicated and uncomplicated grief. How these are implanted to the story is me, and the story Twilight is by Stephanie Meyer, not me. I am writing this story as a contradiction to a Bella who is whiny and overdramatic, and I give her legit explanations to the cause and lead to her depression. Also, a contrast to a "snapping out of it" and instant fix/realization. This will be a slow healing. Grief isn't expected to heal/end in two, three weeks, or even a year. Everyone has their own time, and you can't marginalize someone's grief, or compare it to someone else's. Grief is not a competition. I hope this story will help those going through their own grief, normalize their feelings and know what they are feeling is okay. Thank you and I hope you enjoy the journey.
