STARSKY & HUTCH

TAKE ME HOME
(aftermath Sweet Revenge - Hutch)

*Bold italic words are words by Starsky.

Step by step
I wander around
In the emptiness between time and space
So many questions
So many doubts in an unknown place
Fear made me lose control
Fear made me run away
Tears have fallen into the depths of darkness
Tears that were shed for you today

I don't recognize the face staring at me in the mirror. I don't know me. I don't know anything any more. I lost track of time.
Each day I live on automatic pilot. It's easier that way, then 'living' doesn't hurt so much.
You know 'why'. I can see that you know, but there's nothing you can do about it. Nothing at all, but you keep on trying.

"Let it go, Hutch. Let it go!"

NO! You scared me. You scared me in a way I have never been scared before.
Don't ever do that to me again. Do ya hear? DON'T!!!! It made me angry, so angry.
No, not you. The shooting, but never you.
Two parts of me are fighting a battle. This time I'm too tired to let my mind speak, when it's my heart that wants to be heard.
I don't want to listen. I don't want to feel. If only I could find a balance between my heart and my mind.

Now it's too late.

It hurts so much. I feel like I'm far away from home. Wandering around, without knowing where I'm going. I lost my way home, because I'm afraid to go back.
What if next time I can't protect you and it happens again with a different ending?

My thoughts are clouded, too dark for me to see
My heart is yelling your name to me
Like an echo in my mind, I can only think of you
If your heart stops beating again, what am I to do?

"Look at me, Hutch. I'm alive and I'm here. I'm not planning on going anywhere soon. Let it go."

That's easy for you to say, Starsk. I can't get rid of this sickening feeling in my gut. It's FEAR! FEAR! It tears my soul apart. It controls my heart. It eats me up inside. I can't let go!

"If I can, you can too, Hutch. Do ya trust me?"

I trust you with my life, Starsk. You know that. It's me I don't trust.

"I trust ya. If it weren't for you I wouldn't be here right now. I came back for you. I need you, Hutch. You can't keep running away. I need you at my side to keep me safe. I need you as my friend."

But…

"No buts. You know as well as I do that in our line of work there are no guarantees. The only guarantees there are, are…."

...Are as always Me and Thee. I know…I know.

"I need you, Hutch."

O god, I need you too, Starsk. So much that it terrifies me. I can't do this on my own. I need you too.

I need you
Like a child that needs its mother
Like a flower that needs water to grow and to survive
That much I need you, my partner in my life

I feel a load fall off my chest and I inhale deeply. Before my eyes I can see the path home. All I need to do is to take the first step, and lay my hand in your hand.
Take me home, Starsk. Take me home.

Take me home
To where my heart is
Take me home to you


Story and poems written by Silverladynl
Edited by Pat L.
07/16/2002
Netherlands