Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran or the song "Lullaby" by the Cure.
Authoress Note: This is for the Songfic/Band Challenge on SHINE. A lovely link to the lovely site is in my profile.
---o0o---
(I spy something beginning with s...)
Tamaki wasn't entirely sure where he was. It felt like he was in a dark glove, shimmering in existence, like a firefly. With every pulse of light, he felt warm; he felt better than he ever had before, like the glove was sealing off a cozy little alcove and he was weightless, suspended in warm ocean water without sinking.
But when the light faded, he was colder than he thought possible, frost gnawing at his arms and legs. The darkness settled sleepily over his eyes and in a second, it would suffocate him. Pained, he would lie there until the light came again.
(On candystripe legs, the spiderman comes
softly through the shadow of the evening sun
stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
looking for the victim shivering in bed)
Between these pulses of darkness and light, Tamaki had begun to believe someone was watching him. He didn't mind, really, he just wished the person wouldn't stare so often and make himself known. Sometimes he imagined it was the face of God, looking down on him in and pity and remorse, (For what? Tamaki hadn't done anything…) but often, it was much more sinister, more terrifying and all the blonde was aware of was the lies that tumbled out of its lips.
(Searching out fear in the gathering gloom and
Suddenly!
A movement in the corner of the room!
And there is nothing I can do
When I realize with fright
That the spiderman is having me for dinner tonight!)
Sometimes, the face would grow arms and touch him, sweetly like a mother caressing her child. It whispered lies to him in a horrible, screechy voice and he'd close his eyes to try and make it go away. When he opened his eyes again, it would be the face of people he once knew; only they didn't exist anymore, so he wasn't sure why they appeared. Kyouya would stand before him, his face cracked like Tamaki last saw him, and he would kiss the blonde softly, like that horrible lying beast, leaking blood everywhere.
(Quietly he laughs and shaking his head
Creeps closer now
Closer to the foot of the bed
And softer than shadow and quicker than flies
His arms are all around me and his tongue in my eyes)
Sometimes, it would be the face of the twins (both twins in one) switching voices, playing the "Which one is Hikaru?" game and when he didn't answer, it would grow angry. It would snidely remark that Tamaki lost Haruhi to him (them?) and Tamaki could only cry, his tears turned black with hate that he didn't know he possessed and say, "I know, I know."
But as scary (confusing) as the face was, it was ten times worse in the darkness opposite to the light. It didn't appear often, but when it did, it was all around him like a blanket soaked in oil.
("Be still, be calm, be quiet, now my precious boy
Don't struggle like that or I will only love you more
For it's much too late to get away or turn on the light
The spiderman is having you for dinner tonight")
It was like a nightmare of something that he knew must have happened once. The face split him in two; it ate out his heart, and told him truths that were more terrifying that the lies.
"You're all alone now."
"You're mother died because of you; you were too late."
"They're all gone because of you."
"Tamaki, please try to be still."
That voice was different. It was familiar, chiding, and Kyouya's. His friend was no longer with him, abandoned him just like his mother, and only appeared in that cracked, bleeding face that whispered sweet-nothings to him. Screeching lies.
"Haruhi is yours now, stop crying."
"I'm crying because I'm happy."
"No, you're crying because you think she won't be here tomorrow."
"She will, won't she?"
"Of course, don't be stupid."
Lies, lies, lies.
But then the voice changed and the face grew arms again with a different purpose. Touching him, touching him with cold lips and fiery hands.
"You'll be okay again, the pain will be gone."
"No, it won't…"
Touching, touching, touching.
"All your pain will go away…"
"Stop…"
"And you'll feel nothing but sweet bliss."
"STOP IT!"
(And I feel like I'm being eaten
By a thousand million shivering furry holes
And I know that in the morning I will wake up
In the shivering cold)
He yearned for the light, for the tiny alcove in the dark glove. To rest on the sweet velvet again and to glisten with no purpose but to exist. Within the light, the only sound was a sweet piano melody that rocked him to sleep when his mother no longer could. He wanted that sound more than anything. Needed it more than anything.
(And the spiderman is always hungry...)
---o0o---
Authoress Note: Kay, so anyone who's wondering WTF this is about, Tamaki succumbed to drug addiction shortly after his mother died and everyone sort of left him as a result (they still visit him, he just isn't aware). So he was currently in a hospital, hallucinating. Within the "light" was when he received small doses of his drug to help ween him off of it and the "dark" was of course, relapse.
The spiderman was his addiction. (:
