When all else fails you resort to desperate measures

Author Note: I haven't written anything in forever and then suddenly this popped into my head and I had to get it out. R/Hr- but like you've never seen it before (well I hope). Enjoy!

When all else fails you resort to desperate measures. You do whatever you can to get what you want. Greed fills you up. It takes you over, removes all light from your heart and makes it ache. You can't move on, can't step away. You want it. You have to have it. Nothing can stop you, your hearts already black.

Stop you, impossible. Hurt you, unthinkable. No one can do anything. You hold the power, the key. With a heart like yours, a brain so clouded with desire, you can't be halted, you can't be hurt.

A knife, the cold, piercing silver, collides with your flesh but the pain doesn't come, the blackness doesn't envelop you. You're too close for that. Too close for insignificant, meaningless things like pain.

Your hand reaches forward, fingers brush the smooth, warm surface. Fist clenches around it. It cuts into your hand.

Your grip tightens as the darkness defeats you. The unthinkable, the impossible.

The snow falls against your skin, wet and soft, trapped in your eyelashes, littering your nose, that new coat you got for Christmas. The rough, warm hand in yours tells you that everything will be all right. Peace overwhelms you as contentment fills your heart, provides you with heat despite the cold. Perfection is over rated. This is close enough. This is all you want. The hand pulls you closer and the snow seems to disappear.

"You'd think the snow would stop eventually, it's almost March," the smooth, crisp voice wafts into your mind, lips lightly touching your ear. You laugh. What else is there to do? The giddiness is overwhelming. Laughing is all you can do.

"Ron, you've live in England all your life and you still haven't gotten used to the crap weather? Whatever will we do with you?" you laugh again, sighing as you relax against a wall of strength, a cacoon of comfort.

He stand's over you, that same tower of strength, that same old, lovable rock. No longer yours though, that's the difference. A big difference. So much has changed, will never be the same. Everything that kept you going is gone. Your fault, you think. All of it is your fault.

No longer do those big blue eyes look at you in adoration. His big, rough hand no longer clings to yours. His eyes are hollow, indifferent. No care is present, friendship wasn't a possibility. Your heart begins to crack as you stare into this face, this once loving face, and all you feel is the harsh pang of nothingness.

There is nothing left but he's still here. He has found you once more, saved you once more.

The rain clouds your mind, a shadow creeping up on you. It's all too much. Too intense, too emotional, too…

You need something more.

Laughter is no longer enough. There needs to be something more then contentment. Maybe perfection isn't over rated.

You need an escape. It'll just be a once of, you tell yourself. It'll just take of the edge. Allow you to think straight. The bleak greyness of London always does this to you. You feel trapped, breathing is hard. You're suffocating in the dreariness, the lack of life, the overwhelming familiarity.

So you move away from the ice cold window, stop staring at the drip drip dripping rain, remove yourself from the chill it leaves in your heart. Fingers clasp the phone as you dial the still unfamiliar number.

Your heart beat increases as the phone begins to ring. It's a bad idea but your numb, your frozen and you can't put the phone down. The loud, piercing ringing is like a distant song. You are merely watching from afar.

Then it clicks,

"Hullo" questions this strangely cockney, strangely empty voice.

"I was wondering if…well you know…um…" you drift of, the words are there but your tongue isn't working

"Can I help you luv?" it questions again, this time he's bored. For him this is routine.

"I need to relax and my friend…a friend of a friend actually, told me you have something that might…that might take the edge of" you begin again, rambling has always been a problem.

"Ahh, first timer eh? Well I think I may have somethin' for you, somethin' to help you…relax" you can hear the laughter in his voice but you give your details anyway. Your mother always told you that sinning was easy.

Author Note: First chapter up. There's more to it I promise. Reviews are what keep me going. Cheers!