Author's Note: Alright, so this is my very first fanfic to actually finish and post, so I hope it's okay. It's a little angsty in the first chapter, but this will turn into a SangoxMiroku story in the second chapter, because that is my favorite pairing for the entire series. I would very much appreciate reviews and constructive criticism, but PLEASE no flames-it's my first finished fanfic, and I don't know if I can handle flammage right now. Anyways, enjoy!
Disclaimer: I sadly do not own InuYashsa or any of his friends (although I may soon own an InuYasha messenger bag if I can ever remember where I saw it...)
Sango's Silent Struggle
It was late. Very late, in fact, and Sango was the only one awake. She tried to get back to sleep, but found herself unable to with all the thoughts that were running through her head. Quietly, she left her companions and walked into the night, not exactly sure where she was going. As she walked alone, Sango tried to work through all the thoughts that were filling her head, and none of them were very pleasant.
Mainly, these thoughts centered around all the death that she had seen recently: The death of her family, the death of those who lived in the Demon Slayers' village, not to mention the countless others that they had encountered in their travels. And now Kohaku was among them.
Actually, for all Sango knew, Kohaku was alive and well- and being forced to do Naraku's bidding, yet Sango still listed among the dead. Because, in a sense, he was dead. He was being kept alive by a Shikon jewel shard in his back, and once Naraku felt that he no longer had need of Kohaku, or when Naraku finally needed Kohaku's shard back to create a new Shikon Jewel, one tainted with evil and hatred, Kohaku's life-sustaining shard would be taken from him and he would die. He was not free to do as he wished-nor was he free to remember her, his own sister, because he did not want to relive the memories of the day Naraku forced him to kill his own comrades. And because he was not free to live normally, because he was simply someone else's puppet, because as soon as Naraku saw a need for the shard Kohaku would die, Sango considered Kohaku already among the growing list of the dead.
There had been a time, not that long ago, where she had harboured the hope of being able to save Kohaku from Naraku, to help him remember who he was, and then he would be able to free himself from Naraku's hold to rejoin his sister to rebuild the village of the Demon Slayers. But the longer that they fought Naraku, the more she realized Naraku's awesome strength, his demonic powers, and evil ways of toying with people's feelings would be just too great for her young brother to fight against for his freedom. With her realization of just how strong Naraku was, how difficult he would be to defeat, also came the realization that she would never be able to save her precious little brother from the control of Naraku without costing Kohaku his life or unnecessary pain. When she realized all this, she came to the sad conclusion that Kohaku would die, and probably soon, as their battle with Naraku seemed like it was beginning to wane, now building more quickly towards the final fight against the evil half-demon along with all his reincarnations.
She also had the revelation that, once Kohaku was dead, she would be alone. She had no family left to speak of, and there was no one left alive from her village. There were her friends who were now her traveling companions and comrades, but what would become of their little group after Naraku was defeated? Would they each go their separate ways, never to see each other again? Would they stay together to continue traveling the country together and slaying leftover demons? She didn't know. But to her, at that moment, the future did not matter at all-what sense was it to worry about the future if you weren't going to be around to see it happen?
Yes, she had been thinking about it for a while now, ever since she realized that she had no hope of ever returning Kohaku to his former self. It seemed as if the world could hold no joy for her anymore, that no matter how hard she tried, she'd never be truly happy again. They had been all over this country and seen the horrible things that had befallen innocent people. Famine had killed so many people, and a large number of them children. Wars tore families apart, depriving wives of their husbands and children of their fathers, as well as taking sons of weeping parents and brothers of saddened siblings. It seemed as if the world would never be able to find peace, would never find its center of balance. She had done so much trying to help these poor people lately, yet in the grand scheme of things, it hardly made a difference.
And after finally sorting through all her thoughts, she had come to a conclusion: This was an evil world, one that she felt she could no longer bear to live in. Therefore, she had made a life-altering decision. Once she had helped her comrades defeat Naraku, if she was able to hang on that long, she would kill herself.
Although part of her-most likely the rational part that seemed hard to hear in this swirling pool of dark thought-told her that this plan, this idea, was very unlike her and that she needed desperately to come to her senses, she ignored this voice. Those who knew her best would say that she would never do such a thing-would never sacrifice herself for reasons unapparent to everyone else, but none of them knew the saddening thoughts that now resided inside of her. She wished desperately that she did not feel like this, that she could brush away these feelings of sadness and these suicidal thoughts. She longed desperately for someone to see her suffering and to comfort her, telling her that everything would be all right, and would be able to bring her back from the brink of suicide. But she had hid her sad feelings deep down most of the time, and therefore, predictably, no one would see her pain, nor would they know to stop her before she did something rash. And so, she would end up killing herself and, most likely, dying alone. She didn't quite know if she was ready to face that yet. She still had some time- she had promised herself to try to live until Naraku had been defeated. She knew her comrades would be counting on her as they neared the final battle against Naraku, so she would wait until she was sure her friends were free of the danger Naraku posed before she left them for death and all her fallen comrades and friends who now resided in the other world.
Author's Note: There is another chapter to this story, so don't forget to read it if you want the SangoxMirokuness I promised you at the top!
