Title: Goodbye
Rating: PG
Summary:'Cause the first touch of your first love
Is the deepest and the sweetest
And the last words of your first love
Are the hardest words to hear
Disclaimer: I don't own these wonderful characters they all belong to JK Rowling.
Author Note:jamiependragon was my wonderful beta! And this story was inspired by the songs, "First touch" and "Did I tell you?" both by Rebecca Lavelle.
Warning: Character Death, does one still have to point out OoTP Spoilers?
I remember when Sirius had asked me to move in with him. I was excited, not to forget overly happy. I had never thought that everything that we had had would suddenly become that serious. Especially since Sirius had never really mentioned it before or made it obvious that he wanted me, even after we would have finished Hogwarts. So when I finally moved in with him it felt too good to be true, and I remember spending the first days walking around the flat as if I were only a guest. However that change also brought consequences, consequences I only felt later to their full extend.
My parents, after having found out the reason for my move, had made it clear that I should better not ever step into their house again, if I should continue to follow such a lifestyle. They could accept their son being a werewolf since that was something that I hadn't become out of my own will, but they couldn't accept that their son was gay as well. That had been the way it was looked at in those days. However now that those views have changed I wish I could explain to them, why I had chosen to do what I did, but now that both of them are dead it's too late.
I remember nights getting drunk with Sirius, cursing the world for all it was worth and waking up the next morning with a tremendous headache that should have taught us never to do that again. However being the Marauders we were, we never did learn, of course.
Despite of all the happiness we had shared the war also came crushing down on us like everyone else. Secrets entered and left unsaid never to be spoken out. Fights came and went, leading to the mistrust that at the end then drove us apart. And then... then it had been too late to save of what had been lost and I could only watch and wait as everything broke down around me.
Some people say that it takes time for wounds to heal, but mine never did. Instead I grew cold, hiding my true self behind a heavy brick wall, so that nobody could see who I really was and hurt me in such a horrible way again. That was until the day that Sirius returned.
When Sirius came back I thought that everything was going to be the same again, but I had been foolish. We came back together but we both carried scars that we couldn't ignore. And then it had to come how it did: Sirius was once more pulled out of my grasp. For good this time, and it felt as if I were dying with him.
So now as I stand in front of Sirius's grave I wonder if I should regret what I have gone through with him. If I should have refused myself to him right on from the beginning. Although then I know that I would have never had those happy moments in my life and that I should rather be happy about them, instead of cursing them.
With that last thought it's time for my goodbye, even if I know that I will never forget my beautiful shining star and that I will carry him with me forever in my heart. However there is now someone else waiting for me, someone with whom I can try another attempt on happiness.
So goodbye my Padfoot, we'll see us when my time comes.
