Authors note: During the course of this summer I have more free time than I know what do with so I figured I would try my hand at writing a multiple chapter story and post it on here. I have not attempted this kind of thing before so I am not sure how well I will be at posting updates, but I will try to post them as often as I can. Anyways thank you for stopping by and checking this story out here's hoping it turns out well.
Disclaimer: I do not own Mortal Instruments, and if I did let's just say a couple of things would be different. *cough* Alec and Magnus breaking up *cough*
Stains
Her name was Clare Allen he remembered that as he lay still in the rapidly cooling mattress, shirtless and still wearing his alcohol stained jeans from the night before. The ceiling he was staring at had deep cracks in it and he thought that someone ought to fix that. She had long pretty blonde hair and curious violet eyes that was probably due to lingering fae blood in her family tree. Her skin was like his in it's coloring but unlike his did not have the scars that he stained from runes. She was thin, small in build and had the softest curves.
But most importantly to Alexander Lightwood, Clare Allen was nothing like Magnus Bane.
None of the girls were expect for the first, and yes Alexander Lightwood gay shadowhunter of eighteen years did in fact say girls.
During the first week after he and Magnus had gone their separate ways Alec had done what most people in his situation would have done. He called Magnus over and over, trying to get up the nerve to apologies again, or to at least say something, only to chicken out entirely and hang up without saying so much as Hello. The second week he had stopped calling altogether he just couldn't bring himself to. Magnus was right to end things, after all Alec had considered shorting his life. It was after that particular realization that things started to take a turn for the worst. It wasn't entirely the break up that forced Alec into his current behavior. It was more that it was the final layer on a particularly depressing cake. His brother was dead, and the other one had only just returned to the land of the living (again). His parents were most likely divorcing despite the fact that his father was home again. Lastly the world was currently being threatened by a certain demonic shadowhunter, his motives being delivered loud and clear through the wings of an evidently dead angel. Alec probably could have been able to handle all of this if he had Magnus in his life, because he was someone that Alec could relay on, for everyone else he had to put on a strong face. He was the oldest sibling and it was his duty to protect his family (which he supposed kind of included Clary and Simon and the rest of them now) from things that would hurt them which included his own weakness. Magnus was really the only person who he let see how tired and worried he really was. He let the stoic mask fall when he was in the warlock's presence and now that he didn't have that he had to turn to other things.
It had started out innocently enough. He had broken into the wine cabinet using the key he'd discovered tucked under a dusty pew when he was twelve. He had taken one of the wine bottles into his room hidden from view underneath the baggy coat he was wearing. He had drunk almost half the bottle when he started to feel restless and edgy. He had gotten up out of his bed, and having the presence of mind to hide the half empty wine bottle in his closet, drunkenly stumbled out the door. Luckily everyone was already asleep by that time so he left without anyone noticing. He walked the streets of New York not entirely sure where on Earth he was going, but sure he would know when he found it. He ended up outside a loud bar, and somehow got dragged into the establishment by an overeager girl who mistook him for her long lost cousin, Huston. Once inside he lost his tagalong in the crowd and sat down at the counter next to a pretty girl with rainbow streaks in her dark hair that reminded him painfully of Magnus. Maybe her close appearance to the High Warlock was why he responded when she began to talk to him.
"My name's Megan," she told him and the name sounded close enough to the warlock's that Alec flinched again.
"Alec," he said dispassionately.
"What brings you here Alec? You don't really look the type."
"Perhaps I am not, not that it is any business of yours." Alec stared at the cold countertop, making patterns in its shiny golden surface.
"Perhaps it isn't," Megan returned in the same tone, looking him over thoughtfully, "but," she added in a softer tone, an invitation, "perhaps it could be."
Alec had always know he was attractive, perhaps not as gorgeous as Jace but good looking enough. However, unlike Jace he wasn't one to enjoy attention, mostly because he didn't want anyone to peer too closely and discover his secret, hence the holy sweaters and overgrown bangs. Still it was a bit of a surprise to hear her mutter those words in that appreciative tone. People rarely looked at him when they had Jace to gawk at, and maybe that was why Alec had always liked hanging around the blond. Jace's golden presence was good cover-up when one didn't want to be noticed. Alec glanced away from the counter and looked up at the girl wondering if she was really serious. Her dark eyes said as much and Alec found himself nodding. He wasn't sure why, maybe it was the alcohol, but when she leaned in to kiss him he allowed it. He forced himself not to think about anything and to loss himself in the feeling of her soft lips on his. It didn't work; unbidden images of Magnus flooded his mind. His lips not soft, but hard and unyielding that pushed feelings and emotions out of Alec that he never knew he had.
He kissed Megan harder and tried to forget.
She had taken him to her hotel room that night but they never went farther than kissing. She had gotten his shirt off and that was all. Alec couldn't go there not after Magnus and she seemed to understand this, and didn't push. Later, after the heat of the moment had passed, they talked. She told him what she had been doing there (a bad breakup with a cheating boyfriend) and he told her the same. Leaving out that his boyfriend was a warlock and that ex-girlfriend was a decades old vampire of course. They had talked for hours until the sun had come up and Alec had to return to reality. It had been nice wrapped around Megan's warmth as he poured his heart out to her. He didn't have to have that mask around her because she didn't know him and he didn't have to protect her.
And that was a beautiful thing.
He had returned to the institute feeling lighter before the truth of the matter hit him over the head when he heard his mother crying alone in Max's room. Things truly weren't okay and he wasn't healed or over Magnus yet, and honestly he probably never would be. And that would just be something he would have to deal with. So he dealt with it and everything else. He stopped calling or even really thinking about Magnus, the later beginning far harder than the former and tried to distract himself by throwing all his focus into hunts. He killed any demon he could get his hands on without touching his bow at all, which was worrying his siblings. He wasn't entirely sure why he didn't use his bow. He was the best with that weapon after all and normally didn't enter a battle without it, however at the moment he preferred to use weapons he wasn't so adapt at. Maybe it was the risk of it that was so appealing about it, the reckless feeling it gave him. Alec was not a reckless person by nature, but now he wanted to be anyone but himself so reckless he would become. He would be with only girls because he didn't want to be the Alec he was with Magnus, not anymore. It was too painful. So he tried to become someone else.
He was trying to get over Magnus and deal with everything else, and so what if that meant getting drunk every night only to disappear for hours on end with another girl he never slept with? And so what if that meant using other weapons instead of his bow and almost getting himself killed on a regular basis all for the reckless feeling it gave him? And so what if getting over Magnus meant turning into someone else for the moment? They were only temporary solutions until he could handle the situations being thrown at him in a healthier way. Maybe when his load lightened a little.
He heard the shower turn off, and Clare stepped out of the bathroom a moment later, a light purple towel tied around her body. "Morning," she purred lightly, her gaze traveling slowly over Alec's shirtless form appreciatively.
For a minute Alec was somewhere else. The bed, unlike this one, was still warm, the voice speaking the greeting was so much dearer to him, and the eyes that slid over his body had slit pupils. Alec swallowed. "Morning," he replied, bashing the memory from his mind with a hard shove.
"Slept well?" She asked gilding gracefully back to the bed and sitting down next to him.
"Well enough," Alec answered before he inquired politely, "and how did you sleep?"
She grinned. "The same, I'm surprised you are still here to be honest. Most guys would be out the door by now," she paused thoughtfully before adding, "or out the window." Her grin widened.
"Most guys would sleep with you too," Alec reminded her dryly.
She nodded her head. "I suppose you have a point there. You are not exactly most guys." Her eyes roamed again and Alec cleared his throat.
"Well I had better get going." He had gotten a message from Jace while she was in the shower it appeared that there was an unwelcome pack of demons reeking havoc near Central Park.
"Leaving so soon? I was joking about the window you know." She sounded disappointed.
"I'd stay longer, but I'm afraid I have something important I have to do." This at least was the truth if not all of it. A part of him did wish he could stay longer. That he could curl up next to her soft body and unburdened all his problems on her, but that would be unfair to her and to his parabatai waiting for him back in reality. He sighed and stood up from the bed, looking around for his shirt.
She handed him the missing article of clothing. "Will I ever see you again?" She asked and her voice was oddly vulnerable.
"Most likely not," Alec said bluntly, avoiding eye contact as he pulled the shirt on over his head. He was never with the same girl twice, excluding Megan, and that was for their peace of mind as well as his own. People didn't need to bother with him (he wasn't worth it) and these girls deserved someone better than him.
"I figured as much." She sighed and it was a slightly lonely sound, before she grabbed his hand and wrote something on it using the pen that was previously on the bedside table. "If you are ever around or whatever give me a ring. It's nice being with you Alec even if it is just to talk."
Alec winced internally, memories of a different phone number being tattooed onto his hand filling his mind before he could stop them. He nodded anyway. "I'll—," he paused, "—keep that in mind."
She smiled at him and he threw on his jacket and boots. He started for the door before pausing and turning to face her with a small smile of his own. "Goodbye, Clare…. thank you." Even her bright answering smile couldn't erase him from Alec's thoughts, though it did stay in his mind for a couple of moments.
Against his will however another grin appeared in his mind's eye.
Magnus was a like a stain on his soul, impossible to remove and impossible to ignore. And as Alec made his way back to the institute he hoped, as he did everyday, that he would eventually find a strong enough acid to burn the stain away.
