An - ok so this is the first of many oneshots involving Joker, Scarecrow, and Harley Quinn. and just to make things clear Joker's gang, Joker, Harley, Scarecrow all live together. there about various holidays that are going on this month this one is about Vegetarians Day.

disclaimer - i don't own


Joker walked into the kitchen and was appalled at the scene before him. Everyone was sitting around the table Scarecrow, Harley, and Joker's guys Dopey, Happy, and Grumpy. Dopey was shoving a hamburger into his fatface.

"Uhhhahhiuhhah," Joker moan-yelled while pointing at Dopey.

Everyone looked up from what they were doing to stare at Joker who was now frowning at Dopey, silently judging him from where he stood in the doorway. He marched over to where Dopey was sitting and slapping the burger out of his mouth, mid-bite.

"What the fu-," Dopey started, there was a reason he was called Dopey.

Joker pulled out a gun and pressed it to Dopey's head.

"What was that," Joker licked at his lips, "What the, what the, what the what....hhmm."

Dopey didn't respond so Joker pushed him backwards in his chair, letting him fall on the dirty ceramic tile.

"Does anybody know what today is?" Joker asked walking around the room waving his hands about.

Everyone was afraid to say anything since Joker was waving his gun around and had just been pissed of by a hamburger.

"I don't know," Grumpy finally said breaking the horrible silence.

Joker's gun went straight in Grumpy's face, "YOU DON'T KNOW?" he yelled.

Grumpy shook his head 'no' quickly and nervously.

Joker pocketed his gun and sat down at the table. "Well I'll tell ya."

Everyone at the table leaned forward, except for Scarecrow who seemed most uninterested and Dopey who was still laying on the floor.

"It's Vegetarians Daaaaaaaay!!!" Joker cheered.

Grumpy stared at Joker looking confused, "Animal doctors," Grumpy said hesitantly.

"Vegetarians are people who don't eat meat," Scarecrow said from behind the newspaper he was reading.

"Oooohhhh," Said Grumpy and Happy together, obvious Happy hadn't know what it meant either.

Dopey sat up and rested his head on the table, "So is that why you went all bitch crazy about my burger, boss?"

"That was a cow once," Joker sighed, "I've decided that I'm going to become a vegetarian."

"Yeah right," Scarecrow said.

Joker jumped across the table at Scarecrow, ripped his paper from his hands and crumbled it up in a big ball then threw it back at his head.

"Why would ya wanna stop eatin' meat puddin'," Harley asked walking over to take a seat on Joker's lap.

"Cause doll, I gotta protect those damn cows," Joker pointed out at a field of imaginary cows,"Cows are pretty awesome you know, I'd like to ride one, not in a sexual way of course, but like you ride a horse."

Joker was off in his own little world where he was riding cows when Scarecrow's voice brought him back to reality.

"But you not eating them isn't going to any good," Scarecrow said throwing the ball of newspaper at the trashcan.

"What," Joker said turning to Scarecrow.

Scarecrow explained, "Just cause you don't eat it doesn't mean their not still gonna get killed." "People eating meat has been going on since forever we have to eat the cows other wise what would we do with them?"

Joker stood up from his seat letting Harley fall off his lap and walked out of the room and out of the house.


Joker was gone for hours.

The strange looking crew had moved their position from the kitchen to the living room, all plopped around on the various seating options.

Harley sat down with Scarecrow on the over sized armchair, "When do ya think Mistah J's comin' back?" she asked.

"I don't know," Scarecrow said staring down at a new paper and hoping that she would go away, this was a big chair but Harley and Scarecrow were so squashed together and it was making him feel very uncomfortable.

They sat around for another ten minutes then they heard someone at the door. Out of habit everyone grabbed a gun and had it ready and aimed at the door for whoever it might be, except for Scarecrow who had his toxin. Then the sounds moved to the french doors in the back and everyone turned.

The knob turned but no one fired yet until they could clearly see who it was. The person walked in with his back facing everyone, still standing in the doorway, hidden by the darkness.

"TURN THE FUCK AROUND," Dopey yelled.

The figure in the doorway turned around to reveal himself as The Joker.

"Mistah J!!" Harley cheered throwing her gun at Happy and skipping over to the clown.

"STOP!!" Joker yelled holding his hand up.

Harley froze knowing that when the Joker told you to stop you'd better do as he said unless you didn't enjoy living.

"Nobody move," Joker said pointing at everyone in the room.

Joker walked back out of the house and returned with a rope in his hands. He got a few feet in the doorway then was jerked backwards, he turned towards the door and started pulling on the rope with little success. He smiled at everyone then walked back outside.

The people in the house could hear him outside mumbling something to someone.

Joker walked in the house again this time with someone following him. Joker had a cow trailing behind him on the rope. Joker walked completely into the house let the rope go and went to shut the door.

"Everyone," Joker said standing beside his new pet, "This is Cow."

The gang looked at one another utterly confused. Happy was still pointing his gun at Joker and Cow.

"Hey," Joker said to Happy,"You wanna put that gun down, you're making Cow nervous." "Pretty little girl."

Happy obediently lowered his weapon.

"No ones gonna get to this one," Joker patted Cow's back, "SCAAARECROOOW."

"Where'd ya get him puddin'," Harley asked backing up from Cow who was starting to look less than friendly.

"You can get anything in The Narrows," Joker laughed putting his arm around Cow's shoulders.

Scarecrow lifted his mask up to get a better look at Cow, "Joker are you sure Cow's a girl?"

"Of course I am," Joker leaned down to look for Cow's udders only to find that there were none.

Joker straighted up, "Oooohhhh."

Cow started snorting and stomping his hooves.

Joker backed up a bit.

"SHOOT IT!!" Grumpy yelled.

Grumpy, Dopey, and Happy shot at the bull until he fell down. The floor shook when Cow fell on his side.

Joker fell to his knees, "YOU MANIACS!! YOU KILLED HIM, YOU KILLED THE COOOOW!!!"

Joker stood up and poked at the dead cow with his foot.

"Hey Joker," Scarecrow said.

"What." Joker said sadly.

"Do you know what time it is?"

"It's 1:30," Joker said looking at his watch.

"A.M.?"

"Yeeeeah," Joker said starting to get annoyed from all these questions.

Then it clicked.

"Oh," Joker said giving the cow a kick and laughing, "Get this fucking cow outta here." "Come on Harl," Harley ran to Joker and the two went upstairs.

"Do ya think we could eat that cow?" Joker asked Harley as they entered their bedroom.


Happy Vegetarians Day everyone!! Joker tried not to eat meat. i hope you all liked this. look out for my next one on Leif Erikson Day on October 9

im-batman