Bespectacled Buffy

Disclaimer: I have glasses, but not the Buffy characters. Those fit on Joss Whedon's head.

A/N: All Buffy lovers out there! Please do not take offense if characters are OOC. My second fic. A/U because Buffy cannot actually get glasses. Maybe she can. I don't. Know. More development later on. Please mind all silliness. That is all. All Fanfic lovers out there! Please review, if you don't like, constructive criticism accepted. No Visa or Mastercard. That is all.

"Take this. Take that. Take another! They're free!" Buffy gasped, winded as she smacked a vamp silly. "Oof!" Buffy grunted, but missed her target.

"Huh?" She lunged again missing. "Do my Spider. . . er. . . Slayer senses sense something?" She sniffed the air.

Author: Why are you sniffing the air?

"Because my sense is in my nose."

Author: Those are scents, duh.

"Yeah. . .whatever." And she went back to searching for the long lost vampire.

"Ahhh!" Buffy had tripped over a fire hydrant. Everything was blurry, she could make out shapes, but they regressed only into triangles, squares, and circles.

"What? I don't remember that ever being there.ARGH!" Buffy had tripped over the sidewalk? "Oh my gosh! I can't see? My Slayer senses are supposed to make everything about my five senses impeccable! *Sniff sniff* "Smells all right. . . except for me. Stupid Doublemeat Palace".

She gripped Mr. Pointy. "Oww! I got a splinter! Guess my feeling's all right." She heard rustling behind her. "GET OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!" The vamp lunged at her from behind, holding her in a chokehold.

"Hyunh!" She elbowed him until he gave, releasing her. She heaved breathlessly. "Guess. . . my. . . *gasp* hearing's all right." She spun around and struck the vamp behind her, who was resting up for his final attack.

"Oww. . .what's this? She unraveled her leather jacket sleeve and spotted what looked like a crescent moon shape surrounded by two circles burned into her arm. "I must find Giles, dangnabbit. Dangnabbit? Something must be happening to me."

"Giles! Whoops!" And with an "Agh!", Buffy had fallen down the stairs leading to the table they had always used for research at the Magic Box. She arrived all bruised and beaten. She felt around for the chair, even though she could make out the outline. There was only one person at the table and that was--

"Pip-pip Cheerio, Buffy! A horrendous day at bloody patrolling? Must've been a jolly good time! Hmm. . .there seems to be something bloody wrong with you," Giles remarked in an unbelievably stretched English accent.

"No. Really." She remarked sarcastically. "Is there something wrong with your voice?" Buffy asked to the far corner of the wall.

"I've been cast in a play, if you'll believe that. I'm playing an English gent!" Buffy merely told the opposite chair, "but you already have the accent." Giles took hold of her head and craned it toward him. "Yes, but I want to make it believable. Am I suddenly unbelievably ugly?"

"No, why?" she asked an indoor plant. "Because you seem to," he moved her head again, "you seem to be facing the wrong way talking to me."

"Oh thaaat. . .I seem to be. . .experiencing visual difficulties. No cause for alarm. I think my eyeballs are extra watery. Yeah, I'm sure that's just it. But I got this weird tattoo from a kind vampire today during my patrol."

"Yes yes. I will help you if you help research with me as well." "I'm flabbergasted that you would want ME to help research! Can't Willow or Xander do it?"

Flabbergasted? Where am I coming up with all these strange phrases? She thought.

"Besides, hello? Can't see? Extra watery eyes?" Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose, although it was already rubbed raw from so many other rubbings there. *sigh* "Alright Buffy, but just stay put and don't get into trouble." "Trouble? Me?"

"Buffster! How're you doing?" Xander asked, glad to see his ol' buddy.

"Not so good, sonny. Sonny? Argh, never mind. My eyes are bothering me." She rubbed the joint of her nose tiredly.

"Oookay, so Giles, whaddya need?" Xander was always a little excited at some of the smallest things.

"Umm. . .help planning a fiesta? What do you think, Xander? Research! Research we always do that doesn't seem to do much" Giles rubbed his nose some more.

"Alright, but I'm bringing Willow to the fiesta too. There's a piñata, right? I love piñatas. Just not. . . clown ones." He shivered at the thought. "But hey, I could beat up a clown with a bat and get candy outta him, right?"

"Hey guys. It's me. Willow." She waved her hand. The three turned to look at-Willow?

"Hey Wi--Will? Are you okay? You don't look so . . .um . . .good." Xander noticed that she was all blue . . .and two-dimensional, and had fuzzy lines.

"Oh yeah, that. I made this new program to project me from my room to anywhere. Because y'know . . .I'm good with computers and all. So I'm here . . . sort of. In the Magic Box. Right now. See? I can do everything a person can . . .except touch anything. I need a hand buddy."

"I'll be your hand buddy. My hands are good!" Xander volunteered, excited of this small thing.

After an hour of research: Nope, nothing came up.

Two hours went by and-- "LOOK!" Willow. . . er. . .Holographic Willow announced. "I found something!"

"What Willow?" Giles asked. He really wanted to go home now, because he had a bloody play to rehearse and all that. But no. He had to do this for humankind. Buffy=mankind. Therefore, he had to help Buffy. "Tell us what you've found in TWO HOURS! Cor blimey, it better be good."

"Of course it's of the good! I found my pencil! You know? The first pencil I did the levitation spell with! Aww, hello Mr. Graphite!"

'Oh. Bugger it all.' Giles thought.

Three hours of no food went by, to poor Xander's inconvenience.

"By Jove I think I've got it! The sign of Amhura. It actually ages people far faster than normal. Buffy's ears perked up.

"What was that Giles? What did that vampire do to me? Am I losing my slayer powers? Oh God, please no." Buffy started losing it. "Then I'm not special anymore. Am I special Giles? Slayers are special. Without my slayer powers, I won't be accepted in society. I'll be lost . . .like Faith and Spike and," she cringed at the thought, "Angel." She stared off into the distance.

Giles didn't want to do this, but he had to. Buffy was . . .scary this way. So in pure slapstick comedy style, slapped her. "Get a hold of yourself, woman!"

Buffy shook her head and gave him a scornful look. "GILES! That wasn't a very gentleman-y thing to do!"

"Never mind that, Buffy. Let's try to salvage what we can until you decline even further. We need to get you to an optometrist." He grabbed hold of her and was about to whisk her to his own optometrist when she planted her feet into the ground.

"Optometrist? I'm going to get . . . glasses?"

"Well, you see, you could very well get contacts now in this day and age, I suppose." This helped calm her nerves down a bit until she questioned his authority. "Then why don't you have contacts?"

"Well," he started, thinking a little bit. "That isn't the look for me, you see. I like my glasses. They're my signature look! Just like you and your vampire boyfriends."

"Whoa whoa whoa.. hold on just . . .right there. I've only had one. . .ONE vampire boyfriend, okay?" She held up one finger up to his face. At least what she thought she saw was one finger. "Not more than one, just. . .one."

"Yes yes. . .Angel. Now let's GO! He's going to close in an hour! Xander? Willow?" He said Willow's name with a hint of uncertainty of what to call her at this stage. "Willow. Stay here and do more research on Amhura."

"Okey-doke. You can count on me. And uh, Willow." Xander called after them as Buffy and Giles left the store with the last 'clang' of the doorbell.

After a bunch of struggling, Buffy was now sitting in the dreaded chair. "And now, Buffy. Have you ever had any glasses or any visual help?" Dr. Monroe asked Buffy. "N-no. Nope not at all." At least, not with my Slayer perks I didn't. she thought.

"Okay, now we're going to do a little test." He swung a big machine with many circles on it toward her face. "HEY! Hold it right there!" She scanned the machine up and down expecting any sign it was a demon's toy. That machine surely had to be evil, because well, it looked evil.

"Just relax and tell me which one's better." She looked through the two holes as he switched lenses. "1 or 2. 1 or 2." "1. No 2. Wait. 1. Lemme see 2 again. Actually 1. Definitely one." After a few, actually many, minutes going on like this, the doctor finally gave her the prescription.

"Buffy, what I'm about to say to you my affect your whoooole life. That is unless you get that newfangled laser surgery operation. You, Buffy Summers, need glasses."