A/N: Italics in large clumps denote flashbacks. Also, updates to come every week on Friday or Saturday if I can help it.

A/N 2: The story is not in first person, for those of you who care.

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Tagline: (Timeskip) After an ambush from the Akatsuki sends Naruto to the hospital, Jiraiya is forced to examine where he went wrong. Can he make amends with his life, himself, and the man who betrayed them to save Naruto's life before it's too late?

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Murder Mysteries

a Naruto fanfiction
by Pridefall

Disclaimer: I own nothing except what is mine.

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Chapter 0 – Today is not my day.
"It's a simple formula. The greater the tragedy, the greater the emotional effect."
-
Legato (Trigun)

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This hasn't been my day.

I didn't exactly mind wakin' up with a hangover, really. Been there, done that more times than I can imagine. The kid, though? That's a different story. He makes havin' a hangover seem like a bloody jackhammer straight to the skull, and that shit I cannot get behind. I'm sorry, but no – Arashi's son or not, hearing Naruto bitch about how badly his head hurt for hours on end was not my cup of tea.

So I left.

He harped on enough about it, I'm sure, but he was a big boy. He could take care of himself. I told him I'd be back soon enough and that if he were done with his new technique by the time I got back then I'd teach him a new one without leaving him alone to master it this time.

It was a lie of course, but it got him to shut up and gave me the rest of the day free.

I took some time to myself in one of the nearby towns. Thought it coulda been time for me to maybe relax, maybe get some reading/work done or meet something pretty with legs. Me 'n the kid 'been chasing a lead I got from one of my informants about one of the Akatsuki – which, thankfully, the kid didn't know anything about – and…well…Let's just say the few dead pieces of my informants that I've been finding after contacting my first informant seemed to be more of a warning than a coincidence, okay?

I needed a break. They knew we were after them. They knew that I was trying to gather information on them, and they were targeting my spy-network to stop me in my tracks. I needed to move fast, but more importantly, I needed to move smart.

With Naruto, that'd be hard to do.

Stay here and practice. I'll be back tonight with food.

Hey, wait! Don't fuckin' leave again you damn pervert! Hey! Come back here!

Fuck you!

The kid didn't follow me into town, which was bully for me since about noon-ish I hit the jack-pot. I'd been feeling his chakra signature hang around the village's I'd been chasing him through in the past, but today, damn…Today it came in at full-blast – dark, insidious, blood-stained; the mark of an Uchiha.

He was here.

Shit yes.

I've been waiting for this. Every time we've hit a major city, even though it seems like we're two steps behind him in this rat-race I swear that I can feel this bastard somewhere close, somewhere near, like he was breathing down my neck; but, and here's the kicker -- I have no clue where in the fuck he comes from. It's like he just appears whenever I start looking for him, and then promptly disappears; slipping through the cracks right when I think I have him.

Today, though, it feels like he fucked up. I can sense it. He's somewhere close. Somewhere very close, but wherever he's moving, it's too fast, he's moving too haphazardly through the town to mark his presence. I'd like to think that karma's finally caught up to him, that maybe his partner's gotten them into more trouble than they can handle and now the Uchiha has to save both of their asses.

But that's just wishful thinking, really.

The ground shakes beneath my feet. In the distance, a gargantuan plume of smoke rises towards the skyline like a sulfurous blast from a too-large furnace.

Fuck! Naruto's…Shit. Why practice that technique?

The Akatsuki pair seemed to take notice of this, but they're still running in the opposite direction. Away from Naruto. I could attack them now, just to be safe, but…

I'm going to be staying here. If you don't come get to me by tomorrow I'm fucking gone, man. And, Jiraiya, don't fucking be stupid and look for me. You know the drill – I find you, not the other way around.

…My informant came first. I'm sure Naruto would've screamed bloody murder at me for thinking that, and I'm sure he would've loved to take one of the spiraled-eyed freaks on – was it the elder of the youngest that he hated? – but, shit. I gotta think about the good and the bad first. If Ari, my informant, died, then that'd be one less person I could trust in the world.

And trust mattered to me a lot more than some Akatsuki punk.

Yeah, sure. Let's go with that.

It didn't take long for me to get far enough into the whorehouse to talk with someone who would point me in the right direction. She was barely, what, fifteen? And of course she

might've looked older - expertly applied make-up, so the pimp running this place kept a big momma around - but, still...I think the girlie thought it was some sort of blessing that I just wanted to talk; that I didn't want that and that I didn't go that way.

The bruises around her neck told me as much.

Oh yeah, where was I?

"You ever heard of vampires?" I mention to her somewhere between taking a sip of sake and watching her brush long, floor-length blonde hair that doesn't need to be pampered anymore like it owed her money.

Her shoulders freeze and she stops what she's doing for a moment; looks as if she lets the word sink in, and then, quietly, she mouths. "Vam…pires?" to my reflection in her mirror; the way her eyes flicker back and forth making it more statement than question

I sit back and watch her, trying to keep my face neutral. She knows something, I can feel it, but I can't let her know that. For all of the bad rap they got for their jobs, whores were smarter than most men gave them credit. "Yes, Vampires. Have you ever heard of them?"

"I've… never really..." she stutters, grabbing an end of long hair and twirling it between her fingers nervously, and for a moment all I can think of is that she looks exactly like Tsunade did when she tried to cover for me after I dropped a bucket of paint on old-man Sarutobi's head.

He can see right through her, I think, and when I take a step back to try and get away he's there. So fucking fast, man, and he looks so mad, and I think, shit, but say it was funny wasn't it?, and I find myself tied to a fucking tree. Again

I shake my head free of the memory and try to stay grounded in the present. Damn alcohol. "You've never really what?"

She seems to shrink, her gaze dropping from my reflection to the floor and her hands pooling in her lap. I can tell the poor girl's been scarred somewhere in her past from the way that silence seems to creep into our conversation without being invited. "I don't think...I don't think I'm allowed to tell you about other customers…"

I sigh, trying to hide the small shock of happiness that runs up my spine. She let something slip without meaning to. Yes. "I'm not gonna tell anybody sweetheart, I'm just..." I shuffle my way towards her and put my arms around her waist. I know it's wrong - Gods help me, it's fucking wrong -- but if she didn't respond quick enough to simple questions then maybe I could cajole the information out of her with something physically friendly. "...Looking for a friend."

She goes still. Utterly and completely dead-body still. Something in the back of my head tells me I've gone too far, but I need something out of her so I go even farther. "Come on, babe, it's not like I'm gonna hurt you. Just tell me what I wanna hear..."

Something seems to snap inside of her, and I feel a shudder run up her spine. I'm about to back off and away from her when she takes in a shuddering breath and starts to cry.

Oh fuck. "Hey?"

"D-don't!"

I reach over to her and take her chin into my hand. Instinctually, she tries to wrest control away from me and I let her, feeling like a jackass all the while.

I hate doing this to her.

"...Sweetie, I might look old, but I'm not-"

"You're just like all the rest!"

I knew pressing the matter would get me nowhere. Still…I really needed to know where that piss-poor informant was, and I needed it quick. I put an arm around her and tried to put on as much of my bastard-charm as I could while ignoring the growing sense of unease in my stomach.

"S'right if you don't know much about 'im, lovely. But, if you could point me in the direction of this man I'll leave ya be." I pull out a fat roll of Ryou and let her get a good look at it. "You also get this."

Her face lights up.

Jesus H. Christ I am a bastard.

She takes the Ryou without hesitating. I take that as a sign that she's willing, and I show her a faded picture of my informant. She delicately takes it into her hands, turning it over slowly; meticulously, and even though I knew her eyes lit up more out of fear than recognition, I had her. She had seen Ari; was probably one of his regular mules, from the way her neck was colored, and if Ari was here than the Akatsuki couldn't be far behind.

Nuke-nin they might've been, but they weren't stupid. Ari made a fucking mistake and now I had to save his ass.

"I…"

She looked so small. So fragile. It was hard to believe that she was also lying to me, but she was.

"Beautiful, if you do know where this man is…"

She didn't even say anything; just made a noise somewhere between 'no' and 'nu-uh'

Shit.

"I know it may be hard, but you gotta tell me where this man is."

"H-how w-would I k-know...?"

My fists clenched at my sides. The bastard was here; close, and…

Breathe.

"Listen kid, he has some information I want. And maybe, in return for helping him, I can convince him to stop doing some things."

At this, I point towards her neck, which she tries to hide quickly and surreptitiously. She's flustered, obviously, and a bit torn between her fear and possible "salvation", so I squeeze her shoulder comfortingly while trying to ignore her wince and slip her another fifty Ryou.

She seems to bolster herself. Good girl.

"He's…"

There's another explosion, though this one rocks the foundations of the whorehouse. I rush over to the window and there, off in the distance, I see it, a giant plume of smoke reaching towards the sky, and my insides knot.

Fuck. Naruto can't do that technique more than once.

"Wait! I think he's…!"

I'm out the window before she even finishes her sentence.

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To Be Continued

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