Orno Movie


Don't believe me? Well trust me. Or you can read if you don't believe me. Oh, um, I'm gonna turn all the humorfics into a series! Yes, a Dark Angel humor series! Just what is needed. =)

Read First:
Womannapped
Original Logan
The Noise Of Musac
*N Max's Addiction

Disclaimer: Mr. Help The Boat Is Sinking and...that guy...own Dark Angel. I don't own Dark Angel. If I did, I'd be rich and I'd be directing movies about unsinkable ships that sink, now wouldn't I?



[A movie set. Max is wearing her blue hat. That damn hat! Sorry. Hats have been bad to me lately. Anyway, she is sitting in a director's chair and there is a megaphone next to her chair. Dear Lord, she's directing a movie.]

MAX:
Eeeeeeeee! I'm so excited.

LOGAN (unenthusiastically):
That's great.

[Max picks up the megaphone and holds it next to Logan's ear.]

MAX (using megaphone):
Whatsa matter grumpy?

LOGAN:
People keep yelling in my ear using megaphones.

[Max throws the megaphone at a stagehand and laughs.]

MAX:
Ha ha ha ha!

STEPHANIE18:
I don't know if the HAing was nessacary. I mean, I *did* tell you she laughed.

MAX:
Give that back to me.

[The stagehand grumbles and gives Max the megaphone.]

LOGAN:
What's the name of the movie anyway?

MAX:
Um...I dunno. Shaving Brian's Privates I think.

LOGAN:
Oh my God.

MAX:
What?

LOGAN:
Uh, nothing. Nothing. [Pause] Say, what's the company that's producing this anyway?

MAX:
Oh, Horn-

STEPHANIE18:
We get it! We get it!

LOGAN:
Oh God. [Pause] What're the actors names?

MAX:
Um... Busty La Chest and Melty Ballzac.

LOGAN:
Max, I don't think this is the kind of movie that you should be directing.

MAX:
Why? It's a movie!

LOGAN:
It is a movie, but it's more of a...puberty stricken teenage boy and dirty old man movie. Get my drift?

MAX:
Oh yeah! [Pause] It's an action movie!

LOGAN:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's a-

[A very loud crash interrupts Logan's speech.]

MAX:
What the hell is an Orno movie? Logan, you're weird!

[Max walks away. Logan sits there, not believing Max could be so...unaware.]

LOGAN:
Why does the Blue Lady hate me?

[Suddenly, Zack comes from behind a curtain, only in a robe.]

STEPHANIE18:
Back Zack fans! Back I say!

[Zack walks over to Logan.]

LOGAN:
Hey Zack.

ZACK:
Shhhhhhh! It's Melty Ballzac around here!

LOGAN:
Oh my God.

[Max comes back and sees Zack in the robe.]

MAX:
Zack, you're a little scantly clad to be on a film set.

STEPHANIE18:
Who is she and what has she done with the REAL Max???

ZACK:
Max! Shhhhhh! As I just told Logan, it's Melty Ballzac. [Pause of realization] What're you guys doing here anyway?

MAX:
I'm directing this movie!

[Zack gets all smug.]

ZACK:
Oh? So, you'll be watching the firery love making?

STEPHANIE18:
Any hope of this being rated PG-13 is now gone.

MAX:
What are you talking about? God! First it's Logan with orno movies and now you with firery love making! God! Er...Blue Lady! Er...argh!!

[Max stomps off and Zack sits in a free chair. Logan shrieks.]

LOGAN:
CLOSE YOUR LEGS!!!!

ZACK:
Sorry.

[Zack crosses his legs. Logan makes a gagging face and hands Zack a towel.]

LOGAN:
Put that over your...ugh...just...just put it on.

[Zack covers his *ahem* with the towel.]

ZACK:
Listen, if you could, ya know, keep this little - I mean this large-

[Stephanie18 holds in lots and lots of laughter.]

ZACK:
Thing we've got here, ya know, keep it from Manticore and the guys.

LOGAN:
I never want to speak of what I've seen ever again.

[Logan walks away, leaving Zack...er...Melty Ballzac alone.]

STEPHANIE18:
*Ahem* 2 hours later...

[Max has her megaphone and is yelling through it.]

MAX:
Okay, Busty, just...what're you doing? Oh my God! That's not right!!!!

LOGAN:
I told you.

MAX:
Melty, get in here!

[Melty (Zack) goes over to Busty and removes his robe.]

EVERYONE:
WE'RE BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Zack gets under the covers.]

MAX:
My eyes! My eyes! I need scalding water, stat!!!!

[A stagehand (with his eyes tightly shut) splashes scalding water on everyone's eyes.]

LOGAN:
Warn us next time!

STEPHANIE18:
This is SOOOO not PG-13. R? Hmmmm...PG? I dunno. Let me check.

MAX:
Okay, Logan, what is an orno movie?

[As Logan begins to explain, for some reason, 3 Doors Down music begins to play. Hey, that's what I'm listening to right now. *Ahem* Anyway, when Logan is done, the music stops. Max is just sitting in her director's chair flabergasted. Big word! Look it up.]

MAX (slowly):
Oh...my...God.

LOGAN:
Yeah.

MAX:
Melty, how could you?

ZACK:
The boyband didn't work out so I did the next best thing!

STEPHANIE18:
Who was she? Oh! Good one!

MAX:
This is not what I signed up for.

LOGAN:
I know. You signed up for the pony rides and juice.

MAX:
I cannot direct this stuff. It's...it's...it's icky!

STEPHANIE18:
Max, the walking dictionary/thesaurus ladies and gentlemen.

LOGAN:
Yeah...

MAX:
I wonder if Busty La Chest would be interested in directing.

[A Baywatch-looking blonde runs toward Max and Logan in slow motion.]

BUSTY:
Yes! Yes! Yes! Ohhhh yes!!!

[Everybody is speechless.]

MAX:
Er...um...when you're done practicing your lines, do you wanna direct?

BUSTY:
Yeah! Directing...I've always wanted to direct you know.

[Busty sits in the director's chair and grabs the megaphone. She struggles with Max for a few minutes, then finally grabs it away from Max.]

BUSTY (using megaphone):
Get ready for a film directed by Busty La Chest!

[Max leaves the set looking dejected. Logan follows trying to whipe the image of Melty from his mind.]

LOGAN:
I am going to need lots and lots of therapy.

THE END