Disclaimer: Perhaps if I owned iCarly, I would change it to iSam, straight-perm Sam's hair, layer it and make her wear skinny jeans while Freddie (sweet, sweet Nathan) will turn into a perfect-hair obsessed kid. But I don't. Also, I don't own Billy Iketani from Beauty Pop. I don't think I own any character mentioned here. Oh yes.
Warning: The beginning, or introduction shall I say, is a little long. I am guessing it will take up this chapter.
"In 5 … 4 … 3 … 2 …"
"I'm Carly!"
"And I'm Sam!"
"So what does that mean again, Sam?" Carly looked at her best friend.
"That this is just some boring old website?"
"NOO! It means…"
"YOU'RE WATCHING iCarly!" The two shouted in unison.
"Okay, iCarly dwellers!" Sam chirped.
"Today we're having a surprise special," said Carly.
"And that's because today…" Sam said as Freddie cued on the drum rolls. "Carly and I will be telling you more about – who else better – ourselves!" A sound of applause went off. "Carly, you first."
"Okay, ICHI-BAN! (Japanese for 'one') My addiction is … flare jeans! Yes, I know skinny jeans are kind of the 'in thing' seeing as the 80's are coming back, but you got to admit, it's obvious. I'M A 90'S GIRL! Will be one forever!" Carly screamed as Freddie zoomed the camera to her flared denims. "'Kay, your turn Sam."
"Okaay. Florbeurschnaughger! My hair is un-straightenable. Did ya know? Check it out," Sam added as Freddie focused the camera on her long, golden locks. "Oh yeah, baby. It MUST be the ham."
"That's cool, Sam. But uhm … 'flor-beur-schnaugh-ger'?" Carly questioned with a look on her face.
"Yup, it's SAMenese for 'numbah one!'"
"Oh, okay then…" Carly mentioned as she and Sam squirmed to the camera. They shouted simultaneously.
"FLORBEURSCHNAUGHGER!" Then giggled the blonde and brunette.
"Okay, okay … NUMERO DOS! (Spanish for 'two' and so on) Okay, this is a little embarrassing, but … in the 6th grade I once got brace-locked when kissing Billy Iketani behind the Ridgeway school tree."
"Ouch," Sam pitched in.
"Wait a minute. That transfer kid from Japan that doesn't go here anymore? You kissed him? Okay, that's it!" Freddie grunted.
"Aw, would you look at that." Sam pinched Freddie's cheeks. "Freddork's just jealous because Carly wont kiss him."
"You got a BIG MOUTH, lady! You—" Freddie was interrupted by Carly spraying them with water twice.
"Cool it, you two. We're still on."
"Right. Thank you, Carly." Freddie brushed himself off; stupidly knowing it wouldn't get off water. Sam just rolled her eyes.
"Fine… Florbeurschnaughger! Okay, I'll just get on with it." Sam took in a deep breath. "My second name is … mrfds …"
"What was that, Sam?" Freddie asked with a hint of a smirk. 'This is getting good.'
"I said my middle name is Helena!"
"Ha! Who's the dork now!" Freddie laughed.
"Actually I like that name!" Sam protested. "Hey it's a song from Our Chemical Romance, too, you know!"
"Goodness, since this will clearly lead to nowhere, let us PLEASE move on." Carly finally stepped in. "Number … uhm … tatlo!"
"Tatlo?" Sam scratched her head.
"Yeah it's Filipino for 'three.' Anyway, here goes. I. Love. Ham! I'm so sorry Sam!"
"Gasp!" went Sam as she pulled out a random piece of ham from nowhere. She looked at it. "You're unfaithful."
"I'm so sorry." Carly hugged Sam as they both fake-cried.
"It's okay, Carly. One day, you'll know. I forgive you. Haha. Okay, on with number 3. Florbeurschnaughger!"
"Wait a sec. you've said that three times already. I thought it means 'one'?"
"Well Carly, it's SAMenese. It can mean anything. Take this! Pork chops … I florbeurschnaughger you! Yes I do." Carly let out a small chuckle at Sam's self-argument. "Anyhow, my third fact is that…" Sam gulped. "The only reason I like football is … because … I love Colt Brennan!" She squealed. "Just take that jersey off, already!"
"Oh god, he's hot!" Carly peeped in.
"Like, who doesn't think that?" Sam said, sassily.
"Nay!" Freddie said rather sarcastically.
"Yeah well you have no say." Sam shot him a dirty look.
"Bite me." He bit back.
"Let's just share this fact. Go Colt Brennan! You did a good job on the Warrior's team, by the way." Carly cut in. "Eha! That's four in Hawaiian." She took a glimpse at Sam who was still glaring at Freddie. "Fourth fact about Carly. Me, myself, and I. My favorite flavor is (dum-dum-dum!) apple! Apple lip-gloss, apple lollipops, and even those wax apples they use for paintings! (Washington Apples!) Yum!"
"Nice one Carls. Well … What about me, hm … Okay florbeurschnaughger four! About Puckett comma Sam! Backwards, my name is AHTNAMAS! And if you turn 'Sam' upside down with a certain font, it says 'Wes.' Isn't that totally awesome?" Carly giggled.
"Okay viewers. We're down to the final of the segment. Our last fact-o! Number fiiive! Crush time! Long ago, I had a hee-uge crush on … Kermit the Frog. Yes, viewers. I had a green fetish." Carly pouted.
"No it's actually cute. I kinda think—"
"Sam, please don't say 'ham is cute.'"
"Darn."
"Okay, your turn!"
"Florbeurschnaughger five! I … have a major crush on … Nathan Kress! Oh my god!" Sam confessed.
"…Well… He's not really my type, but okay. This is a shout-out to Sam's favorite actor…"
"NATHAN KRESS!" They, yet again, exclaimed together.
"Whoa whoa whoa," Freddie hushed. "That nub actor?"
"Yeah have you seen him? He is GORGEOUS!" Sam continued yelling like a girly-girl.
"Yeah. He's okay. Che!" Freddie frowned.
"Okay, that's all for now, iCarly fans!" Carly said.
"Thanks for watching!" Sam waved.
"I'm Shay."
"I'm still Sam. And how exactly would you remember that?"
"By going to iCarly dot com!" Carly gestured.
"5 … 4 … 3 … 2 … and we're clear! Good show, Carly!" Freddie praised.
"What about me?" Sam's anger boiled.
"Nyeh!" Freddie commented emptily.
"Geez, dweeb." Sam's stomach growled. "Hey Carly, I'm hungry."
"You guys want to go get a juice spritzer downstairs? I have bendy straws," Carly persuaded with a smile.
"But…" A distinct look appeared upon Sam's flawless face. "It's all the way downstairs. And that show was pre-tty tiring." She looked at Freddie, giving him hints.
"Fine you sneaky punk! I'll get it!" Freddie rolled his eyes. He left to go with Carly as they took the elevator.
In the meantime, Sam was doing some thinking. Lately, she's been doing this a lot. It's scaring even myself. (xD) Suddenly, she saw Freddie's camera light still blinking red. But what was it? Since Sam truly didn't know, and honestly didn't care, she decided to leave it be.
Anyway, about the thinking. People have been constantly asking her. Seething into her life, and her opinions. All sinking within and beneath her skin.
(SAM'S POV)
But what was the real reason I have a tough outside? Everyone kept, repeatedly, asking what was really wrong.
"Are you abused by drunk parents?" No.
"Do you really, actually hate anyone in particular?" No.
"Is it because you secretly hide the fact the you're filthy, stinken' rich but are still miserable?" Oh, god. Hell no!
'Well fine then. Until Carly and Freddie come back, I'll sit on this stupid bean bag chair. Wait, I take that back. Beanie chairs are never stupid, they're awesome. Sorry beanie chair!' Sam thought, and then plopped down as her thoughts drowned her even more.
The real reason … is him.
(END SAM'S POV)
MEANWHILE
"Hey Freddie." Carly put down her juice bottle as she looked at iCarly's homepage. "I think you … forgot to turn off the camera."
"Huh?" Freddie looked at the computer screen to see Sam with such a different face on, slumped on top of a bean bag sack-thing. "What is she doing? Why does she look so sad? Is she hungry? C'mon let's go turn it off—"
"Shh! Just wait…" Carly shushed him signaling that she knew something was up. Suddenly they heard Sam talking to herself. Freddie raised an eyebrow.
"What is … Sam saying?"
A/N: Okay that's chapter one. Please tell you at least enjoyed it! Yes, it was quite long for a start but I promise it will get better. Anyway, thank you.
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