UNICORNS AND DONNIE DARKO
About: Missie has a dream one night, and this is her recalling it to Marik and Alister the next day! Enjoy!
Okay,
so we were driving in my car…well, I was driving and you two
were just riding along, you know?…because Alie had hurt his knee
and we were taking him to the hospital. And I know how to get to the
hospital because we live in a small town, but I guess I must've
taken a wrong turn because we ended up on this dusty dirt road like
you see in Kentucky.
Alie was all flustered and was like, "I
busted my knee and you took a wrong turn!" And Marik started
laughing so Alie hit him. And then I started laughing, but I'm a
chick so Alie just settled for throwing a napkin at me. It didn't
hurt.
All of a sudden, though, we see this unicorn crossing the
street ahead of us. So I stopped the car and cried, "Holy shit, a
unicorn!"
"It's probably just a horse with a horn
super-glued to its head," Marik reasoned as him and I excited the
car. But we went and examined the horse and it turned out that the
horn was real. So Marik yelled for Alie to hobble over to us because
the unicorn was real! And then the unicorn was like, "Of course,
I'm real," and we were like, "…OH MY GOD!" 'cause it was
a talking unicorn. And it started talking to us and said that
it's name was Bartholomew and that we seemed like nice
people.
Somehow, it managed to convince the three of us to climb
onto its back and it started flying us around while "A Whole New
World" from Aladdin played in the background. And the unicorn
zipped us all over the world, so it was like around the world in 3:26
minutes, or however long that song is. Then, we landed back in front
of my car and were like "Awesome, dude!" But then, Bartholomew
got shot and we screamed 'cause some idiot killed the unicorn! And
these three dudes came out of the trees wearing rabbit costumes like
in Donnie Darko but with three Franks. They were like, "Sorry,
stray bullet," so we shot them in the eye like in the movie 'cause
we were still pissed off about the unicorn.
Suddenly, a voice
booms above that says, "Well Done!" and we're made the owners
of a brothel and we all have pointy ears and extremely long hair like
Legolas, except Alie and I have the wrong hair colour. We hang the
dead Franks from a tree and leave them there and become billionaires
from our brothel. All of a sudden, these policemen show up and are
like, "Why are dead men in rabbit suits hanging from that tree?"
and we explain that they killed Bartholomew the unicorn! So the
police feel that it's due justice and head outside and hit the dead
Franks with sticks like piñatas. And then the Franks'
eyeballs fell out and the cops ate them and said that they tasted
like Skittles.
We found that kind of strange.
Then the cops all
started having mad sex with one another in the brothel, but it was
hot because the cops were all toned and young and hadn't been
eating too many donuts. Then, everyone got drunk and started singing
"Morning Train" like in Eurotrip.
Then, I woke up with
a smile on my face.
The end.
