An older oneshot I found lurking in the depths of my computer. Finished it, cleaned it up, and here it is! Here just for you, reader person!

Warnings: yaoi, immature humor and thoughts about satanic rituals and feeding vodka to cats. Please, if that disturbs you, just turn around and run. Now.

Disclaimer: I don't own South Park either… Ah, poor me, not owning anything…!

Enjoy!

……..

"Hey, Chef, how do two guys do it?"

Chef choked on his much needed morning coffee and turned over to glare at Kyle and Stan, both of whom were grinning.

"What?" he muttered, looking extremely confused.

"Well," Kyle started, "we were just wondering how two guys do it. I mean, it's not like one of them has a vagina or anything." Stan snickered.

"You said vagina."

Kyle twitched and smacked Stan on the head. The latter muttered a small 'ouch' and started glaring at his best friend. Kyle just smiled innocently and turned over to look at Chef questioningly. The man rubbed his head.

"And why do you kids think I know anything about that?" The older man was really starting to regret letting the two 16-year-olds live with him after their parents threw them out. Actually, he still didn't know why Kyle's and Stan's parents threw them out. There were rumors, of course, something about satanic rituals on the front lawn of Kyle's house…

"We heard you moaning "Oh, Derek, you're so tight" in your sleep when we were trying to get some vodka from your hidden stash," Stan said, smirking as he saw Chef's eyes widen.

The older man took a deep breath.

Okay, one: hide your secret stash.

Two: get better locks on your bedroom door. And windows.

Three: get mad.

"Why the Hell would you want vodka for!?" Chef yelled.

To be honest, he didn't want to know. They probably wanted to feed it to Cartman's cat or something.

Kyle shrugged. "We wanted to get drunk so we'd have an excuse when the police find us having sex on my parents' house's lawn."

Chef closed his eyes in pure agony. This just keeps getting better and better… The man's eyes snapped open suddenly.

"Wait… Then why did you ask me how two men do it?"

"Oh, that… Well, we realized we're not entirely sure how to do it, so we just decided to wait until you wake up and then ask you."

Chef banged his head on the table.

He really didn't want to know.

……..

I feel so ashamed… I made Chef bi, for God's sake!

I seriously don't understand myself sometimes…

Oh well… Review and tell me you want to kill me for mutilating this cute and innocent children's show!