Prologue
No one ever really thinks about how they'll die.
Most are too scared of the concept to even consider it, and the others who do seem to hope for something painless and quick. That the best way to go is when you're old, asleep in bed and surrounded by your loved ones.
Not that the second option was possible for me. I've never had a family. Not a real one anyway. Abandoned by the side of the road as a baby. You'd think that most parents, if they hadn't wanted the child that they'd brought into the world then they would at least have the decency as human beings to give him or her up for adoption. To give them their best chance at life.
Well not my parents. Not me. I was an exception to that.
But then again I was an exception to most rules. Most families keep the baby that they agree to take in as their own, but not me. My first family gave me away as soon as possible when they discovered that they were finally going to have their own baby. The next family had 'reasons' to not keep me as well. As did all the others.
Too messy.
Too brash.
Too much of everything that they seemed to hate.
Yet they were better than the group homes. That was where I learned to survive, to fight tooth and nail to keep on going. To wait it out until my life would finally begin.
When I was younger I was naive enough to think that a family would come and all my dreams would come true, and that would be it. Life would start.
I learned quickly that those sorts of hopes and dreams were pointless, and so I took what I wanted. I ran away. I was so sure that this would be it, that this time it would finally be the start of some sort of happiness. Well I was wrong.
My breath is rapid and visible in the cool night air, my heart pounds inside my chest and I know that the creature in front of me can hear it. Luminescent eyes are fixed upon me and I am frozen where I stand. A blood red mouth tilts up slightly and my breath catches. I have never seen anything so beautiful, but at the same time so deadly. Arms open in a welcoming gesture toward me, and I know that if I walk into that embrace it will be the death of me and everything that I know.
Words aren't needed as my feet move without conscious thought. It doesn't surprise me. Logic and the sense of self preservation are overridden by basic instinct.
I'm nearly there now, nearly within arms reach of certain death but in this moment nothing else matters. Nothing but those eyes and that smile and the hands that I know could very easily tear me apart in the blink of an eye.
"Emma."
A soft murmur of liquid silk escapes those ruby lips, and I shiver.
I don't reply, I simply wrap my arms around a firm waist and press my face against the material that covers this creature's shoulder, still silent as tears begin to soak into it. I don't know what to say. I just grip tighter, sighing softly as those arms wrap around me in an embrace that I can't bring myself to break free from.
A hand caresses the leather at my back as the other gently runs through my hair, as though to comfort me and I would shake my head if I could manage to focus. Why would such a creature be comforting me? I don't understand. But then again, I never really understood the need for comfort until I found myself in this place.
"Emma."
A faint whisper into my hair as the chest I press myself to expands with a deep inhale. Those hands run their course to hesitantly grasp my face, pushing lightly enough so that I know I need to lean back and look into my killers' eyes. I need to face the consequences of my decisions. But I can't. I just grip more tightly. Whether from fear or need, I don't know. Maybe it's a little of both.
I realise as I stand in the embrace of death, that this is it. This is the moment that I've been waiting for. I have to take my chances. My best chance. I always thought that my parents had never thought to give it to me as a baby but that doesn't mean that I can't do that now. There's only one issue.
If I do this, if I act on my decision, then it will mean one thing and one thing only.
I will die.
Am I ready to die? Even if it means so little right now? With everything that's happened?
I breathe in deeply, taking in the scent of damp wool and an all too familiar fragrance that has always been so comforting to me.
I've never been much of a worrier. Preferring instead to just take action, no matter what the goal I was aiming for.
I greedily gulp down one more hit of that scent before giving in to the soft pressure on my face and leaning back to look into those captivating eyes.
And just with that one look, I know. I am ready. Dark eyes that are so full of concern and love stare questioningly back at me, and I find myself smiling.
"I'm ready."
My voice is weak and falters, and normally I would be embarrassed for showing any sign of weakness but right here and now such things don't matter.
My killers' head tilts to the side as they no doubt fret over the meaning of my words.
"What.."
I don't give them the chance to finish, instead finally letting one arm free of my grip on the body in front of me as I reach up to quickly brush my hair from my neck.
"I'm ready."
I say again as I stare into those eyes with certainty and meaning, unsmiling and serious now, hoping that I can convey what I want with this action alone.
My killer falters, completely bewildered as we gaze at each other. And then it clicks. Dark eyes begin to shift and change and I fight against the urge to close my own, I need to be convincing. I need them to understand that I'm not afraid of this. Of them. As those eyes turn obsidian there is a shift in behaviour. The hands that before were grasping me so tentatively now move, one covering the hand that holds the hair from my face and the other grips my leather covered waist. The grip is firm. Unbreakable.
Once again no words are necessary, I'm guided gently to tilt my head backwards as I feel my killer move, leaning in toward the delicate flesh of my throat. A mouth parts and I shudder as I feel cold breath flutter against my skin, and I smile.
I'm finally getting my life back.
