Four Arguments and Apologies
One
Stayne sighs in exasperation and tries to remain calm, but his insides are squirming in a mixture of fear, annoyance, and anger. Mirana has just left the cottage after extending an Invitation-thinly disguised as an order-to come to Marmoreal in one week's time. But Stayne is not sure he wants to go, and Alannah is hearing none of it.
"Ilosovic, she invited you. She didn't threaten to have you thrown in the dungeons, she didn't order you to immediately leave my home, she didn't have you arrested and carted off to be executed. So stop being so nervous!"
Stayne winces. "I know, but I'm still not sure I want to go. Alannah, the fact remains that I was her sister's right hand man and assassin, and I'm sure there's many in the White Court who would gladly see me on the Execution Block. I just…I think it would be better for everyone if I just stayed here with you. That way, I…"
"Don't have to be reminded of what you've done?" Alannah finishes softly, and Stayne nods reluctantly. "Ilosovic, the only person who is constantly reminding you of what you did in the past is you. You're so scared that you'll never be able to escape who you were then that you're not trying to see who you are now. Stop focusing on the past. That's not who you are anymore."
"To some, that is all I will ever be. The bloodthirsty Knave of Hearts, killer, torturer, and assassin. The man who helped bring about the Horrendevush Day, and who stood by and did nothing as Underland fell to a despotic tyrant! Face it, Alannah-I am Outcast. I deserve no less than to become an unknown-the boogeyman of Underland." He laughs bitterly. "I'm sure that in time, parents will scare their children to sleep with threats about me. And you-you'll become my victim, forced into a life of horror, insanity, and despair, because Time knows nobody in Underland would willingly love a monster like me."
Alannah's heart clenches at his words, and she nearly cries at seeing his despair-filled face. But she knows with every bit of her being that he is wrong, and she gently forces him to look at her, and then speaks in a tone that will brook no argument. "You are those things, yes. But you were forced into servitude-or would you rather have died? I know you did many things under the Rule of Iracebeth that you aren't proud of, and I know you think you've been tainted forever by the Red. But I want you to listen to me, Ilosovic Stayne. None of that matters now. You've changed. I know you might not realize it, but you have. You are not just the Knave. You are a man, and that is why I love you. No one forced me into it. You did not trick or cajole me. I chose to love you of my own free will. Mirana saw that, and that is why she is willing to give you another chance-because you, above all people, deserve a second chance. So, don't be scared about going to Marmoreal. I'll be with you the whole time. I promise."
Stayne pulls her into his arms, kissing her deeply. "I know you will my beauty. But I'm still scared."
Alannah sighs in understanding, and kisses him. "I know, love-and I am sorry about that. But we're still going."
Stayne nods in reluctant compliance. "Very well."
Two
Tarrant stares after Stayne in surprise, wondering what has made him suddenly leap up from the table and stalk away at such a rapid pace. He turns to Alice, who looks equally as puzzled at the rather strange behavior of the former Knave of Hearts. But Alannah is staring after Stayne with an expression of grief and anguish, and Tarrant gently places his hand on her arm, getting her attention. "Lady Alannah? Is…is everything alright?"
Alannah sighs. "It will be. Majesty, Alice, Tarrant-please excuse me for a moment. I need to go speak to Ilosovic." She sets off after him, leaving the three of them alone, and reaches their bedchamber, stopping as she hears Stayne pacing back and forth, muttering angrily. Alannah tries the knob, but the door is locked, and she feels her heart clench in fear. "Ilosovic? Let me in."
The door opens, and she walks in. Stayne is staring balefully at her, and she gulps. "You left in rather a hurry, love."
He snorts. "I'm surprised you noticed; since you were so busy coddling up to that Hatter. You seemed rather friendly."
Alannah glares at him. "So I'm not allowed to be friendly to people? ! Ilosovic, I was talking to him. That's all."
Stayne chuckles in disbelief. "That's all you were doing then. But who knows-maybe later you'll do a bit more. After all, I hear madmen like him can be quite intriguing for ladies. So if you've come to tell me that you've decided to move on to him...don't bother. I'd rather just keep the memories of the good times we've had." His voice is dripping in anger and sadness, and Alannah gawps at him in disbelief, and then slaps him with every ounce of strength she possesses. He rubs his cheek in shock, and as she begins her tirade his eyes widen at her fury.
"How. Dare. You! You…you honestly think that I would be so shallow, so superficial, and so…haughty as to throw you aside for the first man that acts nicely towards me? Do you really think that I let you into my bed simply to toss you out at the nearest opportunity? Ilosovic, I have given you everything! My heart, my body, my soul! I love you. Not the Hatter, you. But if you honestly believe that what we have can be destroyed so easily, then perhaps…" she looks away from him, unable to finish, and he feels a surge of terror. He gently forces her to look at him, and speaks softly.
"Perhaps nothing. Alannah, you're right. I should not have acted the way I did. But the fact remains that you are a beautiful woman, and we're surrounded by young and handsome lords. I'm just…terrified that one day one of those lords will become too appealing to you, and…I'll lose you."
"Ilosovic, you will never lose me. Not to Tarrant and certainly not to those pompous, self centered, egotistical, stuck up Lords!"
Stayne sighs in huge relief. "Thank Time for that. I'm sorry I got jealous over Tarrant. Forgive me?"
Alannah kisses him. "Of course, and I'm sorry about the slap."
Stayne chuckles. "I've had worse, love."
Three
It is two days after the battle with Humpty Dumpty. Stayne is examining his scar, a thoughtful expression on his face. Alannah looks over at him. "Is there something on your mind?"
He nods. "Yes. I didn't want you to be anywhere near that battlefield, and you had to be your usual stubborn, pig headed self and come along anyway. Did it ever occur to you that you might have been seriously hurt by that madman or by his little pet? No, I suppose it didn't! Or maybe you weren't concerned with keeping our children safe? Because I would think, as a mother, that would have been your first priority. I know you sent them to Sullivan Hall with Alice, but what would have happened to them if you had been killed on the Chess Board? Did you even consider that, or were you too eager to go charging into battle, magical elixirs on hand? Now, I'm not ungrateful for your help. I know you saved my life, and the lives of several of the White Soldiers. But that doesn't change anything, Alannah. You could have been hurt, or killed! Why didn't you just listen to me?" He gazes at her in exasperation, and she sighs.
"I'm a Healer, Ilosovic, and I had a better chance of saving lives if I administered to the wounded on the field, rather than waiting for them to return to Marmoreal."
Stayne huffs in annoyance. "I don't give a damn about that! All I was concerned with was the possibility of losing my wife to a cracked egg and his jumbled up pet!"
Alannah snorts in laughter, and then gazes seriously at him. "Ironic you should say that. You did almost lose me to Madness brought about by that cracked egg. I saw you lying there…so…still and lifeless, and I…I felt detached from my body. Everything faded and turned red. I…couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. All I could do was…stare at you. You…you weren't moving. I…felt as though I was being swallowed by darkness. Why weren't you moving? Then…I just felt…rage, anger, and fury-madness. I…I let it consume me, eat me up, and…I…everything was red, and I was snarling, and I couldn't think…I…couldn't…I…killed…." She falls into his arms, sobbing in shame. "I…I'm so sorry I got you hurt! I was so stupid! I provoked him, but please, please, believe me when I say I had no idea of what he would do! But…it's still my fault, and…I…Ilosovic, please…forgive me?"
Stayne wraps his arms around her. "Alannah, Humpty was mad. Even if you hadn't provoked him, chances are good I still would have been hurt. I can't say I'm surprised you provoked him-you're rather good at that. But yes, I forgive you. After all, you saved my life. I think that tips the scales quite a bit in your favor." He smirks at her. "You're still the most stubborn person I've ever met."
Alannah smacks his arm in pretend annoyance.
Four
"We had chicken two days ago! Why can't we have fish?" Stayne asks, hands crossed in front of him and a pout on his face. Alannah rolls her eyes at his childish display, and speaks in a maddingly patient tone.
"For several reasons, the first one being that fish is too bloody expensive. Also, both Katarina and Michael like chicken, so I don't have to worry about hearing them grouse about dinner being yucky. Three, I can get more out of chicken in terms of meals than I can fish. Four, there's only so many ways you can cook fish. Chicken is much more versatile."
"If I eat any more chicken, I'm going to grow feathers!" Stayne whines and Alannah rubs her forehead in quiet exasperation.
"You are not going to grow feathers, or lay eggs, or start clucking. But if you're really that anxious to have something else, feel free to start cooking dinner from now on. I'm sure the children would love to have burnt food every night."
Stayne frowns at her. "I don't burn everything I cook. Just…some things. But I am getting better…right?"
"Yes, you are getting slightly better. You're not as afraid of the stove as you used to be." Alannah suddenly grins wickedly. "You could feed Victoria for me. That would save a lot of time."
Stayne raises his eye at her. "Darling, Victoria is breastfed. So I don't think I can feed her."
Alannah pouts in pretend dismay. "Well, I tried." She grins at Stayne. "Tell you what. If you agree to help plan meals, and if you allow me to continue to teach you to cook, I promise that some night this week we'll have fish. Fair bargain?"
"Extremely fair, love." Stayne grins at her and Alannah chuckles.
"Good. Now, go and tell Katarina and Michael dinner's ready."
After dinner and love, Alannah lies in Stayne's arms. 'We both know exactly what to do and say to drive each other completely mad', she thinks, 'and we both have tempers that would scare the devil himself. We argue, bicker, and debate with each other quite frequently, but we still are together, and we still love each other.'
She tilts her head to look at her husband. He's maddening, exasperating, and she cannot imagine her life without him.
'Besides', she thinks before sleep claims her, 'A good argument is always fun.'
