"You shouldn't let him do this to yah, love." He says with thick accent as he walks closer to me, offering me a cigarette from his pocket, which I politely deny. Smoking is a habit I'm guilty of, but it's also one I'm trying to stop.

"Well, there's nothing I could do about it, it is?" I blurt out without thinking about it.

He looks stunned at my outburst and I catch myself on my words, apologizing to him quickly and is hush tones.

"Is quite alright, Anna." He chuckles, puffing some air out of his lungs "just caught me off for a sec there."

"I know," I say, sighing deeply "week has gotten a toll on me and on him."

"And you are his punching bag for him to release tension, huh?"

"Stop it, Edward."

"It's Teddy, hon." He corrects as he spells smoke from his mouth in the sexiest way possible "you know, I hate the whole name-ish thing."

I stand up, straightening my back and dusting off some 'dust' from the skirt of my dress as I turn to him and say with a smile, "Stop it, Teddy. It's just how things are."

He chuckles darkly, his hand holding the cigarette between his fingers, goes to his temple as to try and calm his temper, as to try and comprehend how could I be so accustomed to those words.

And at that time everyone had heard of Teddy's temper. He used to beat off people just for fun and he still does, but mostly due to his line of 'work'. He suffers from a short temper attitude and he can lose it quick, oh boy, he can lose it real quickly. That's why he was known as Edward 'Mad Teddy' Smith, but for me…

"For you, I'm just Teddy, love."

"I should probably go inside now," I sigh deeply into the air, gathering the courage to face yet another charade. I pass only a few inches away from Teddy before he grabs my arm by my elbow, stopping me on my tracks.

"Don't." he says tossing away the cigarette and looks me into the eyes, my lower lip quivering but I don't dare saying it, so I drop my gaze to the ground and try to get off from his grip but it's useless to do so.

"Teddy," I plea with him, "you know how things are, and they're never going to change."

"I could—" he sighs in defeat, followed by a chuckle that doesn't adds any humor to our conversation, maybe the idea in his head sounding stupid but decides to speak it out loud anyways "I could protect you from him, from this."

I smile, shaking my head at his statement "You could," I reply, my hand going for his cheek making him lean into my touch with eyes closed "and you would get us both killed."

His eyes open, staring deep at mine. He wishes he could deny it, but it was true. He knew it and I knew it. If I ever get out was either in shame and disgrace or in a bag.

"I really need to go inside," I repeat, "he must be wondering where I am now"

"He knows I'm taking a smoke. We have time."

"He knows you are. Not me, Teddy." I sigh unhappily, "I need to go now." He releases my elbow after that, letting me go but before I can second doubt myself I turn around and jump into his arms as my lips crash against his, tongue fighting for entrance, his hands taking in each curve of my body from underneath the dress until they find the hem of it and push it up enough so he can feel the skin on my thighs, gasping for air in a moan when he does so.

I love him.

And I know he loves me.

And I wish I could stay trapped into this moment forever but I can't. We can't, cause we would never be able to live through the day if we ever decided to do so. I push against his chest with a heavy heart as I push him away from my body so I can fix my façade.

He looks at me in sadness as I take a heavy breath and ask

"How I look?"

"Like you always do, doll." He smiles, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear "perfect."

I step closer to him, his hands place themselves on my hips squeezing as mine reach for his cheeks, my fingers memorizing his eyes, nose, eyebrows and lips. Those lips I fell in love with all those years ago.

I give him one last quick peck and dash for the door, making sure every part of my attire is in place as I move through the crowd of people, looking for him.

"Oh, sweet thang,"he raises his hand at me as he spots me, "come here, would ya?" beckoning for me to meet him with his group of friends "took you long enough, love" he purrs in my ear as I take my place on the table by his side, mustering a small smile and he proceeds to introduce me to his 'friends', he tells stories through a few minutes, his hand resting on my knee, squeezing every now and then before we are interrupted.

"I'm sorry, folks," Teddy smiles flashing his perfect white teeth to the members on the table, his eyes landing more than often on me as usual, "work is killing, a smoke was quite needed" he jokes, as the presents laugh, myself included.

"Done already, Teddy?" Ronnie asks, his hand still on my knee.

"Yeah, it was just a quick break" his eyes zero into his, "needed as fuck." He finishes as his eyes look for mine, causing a slight blush to appear on my cheeks which I try to pass as to much heat on the place.

"Good, we have some…" Ronnie starts talking business and I drift off away from the conversation, focusing on Teddy smile back at Ronnie whenever he says something before he turns to me and says he'll have to attend some business later on but promises he'll make it up to me while a smirk appears on his lips. I pretend to love the idea as he suspects nothing on my behavior and the night goes on.

Yes, I'm the 'girlfriend' of Ronald Kray as I find myself in love with Teddy Smith, his lover.

It's a fucked world, and so am I.


But I didn't wake up one morning and decided I wanted to fuck with my fiancée, I was in a relationship with Ronnie as he was in one with Teddy cause he was bisexual. He swung for both sides and we, Teddy and I, were not allowed to complain.

And we didn't. For starters, Teddy was strictly homosexual and I don't minded. To be honest, I didn't care. Neither did he, he used to give two flying fucks about me.

But then, one day, he came home with news about a business to Ronnie and he found out. He found out I wasn't really his fiancée but more of a punching bag to him.

When Teddy opened the door, Ronnie was in the middle of crushing my left cheek and I dare to say Teddy saved me, his interruption took Ronnie's mind off me and drove it straight to him, he took his coat and left with Teddy trailing behind him… or so I thought.

Ronnie send Teddy back to nurse my wounds and he complied, feeling bad for a beaten girl, I suppose. I never asked him and he never told me.

He cleaned my cheek as tears fell down my face, my mouth not even muttering a sound as the alcohol touched the open cuts on my, oh so delicate skin, I wasn't going to cry. I had come to terms this was my life, the one I had ended up with and with the fact I wasn't escaping any time soon, I couldn't. I wouldn't make it to the corner before Ronnie dragged me by the hair back home.

Reggie didn't know. Maybe he would have done something. Maybe…

"I'm sorry," Teddy's words left his mouth before, I think, he could even register them.

I sighed, as his eyes were trained on his hands holding the cotton-balls that were now stained in my dried blood.

"It's not your fault." I told him and that was it.


Next time, it happened over dinner. Reggie found out, he punched Ronnie and a big argument unleashed.

When we got home, Ronnie was wasted and I knew he was going to lay his hands on me, either sexually or physically to attempt and murder me.

I was hoping he did it now. At the moment, I had nothing to look forward to. I thought I had nothing.

But before Ronnie could slap me to the ground, Teddy came and took his hand away telling him that he was drunk and shouldn't do it because tomorrow everybody would know, told him that maybe he should ease up as to try and regain his brother confidence. Another words were spoken but I didn't got to hear them.

Ronnie fixed his jacket, pulled back his hair and took his jacket out of the racket before telling Teddy to 'babysit' me as he was away.

He took off for 2 months and I never been as grateful to Teddy as I was that day. We grew closer, mostly to the fact he was my 'babysitter' and was supposed to never let me out of his sight, and I felt confident with Teddy being around. He wasn't one of Ronnie's tugs who would give me those looks of hungriness or would imply that he was expecting to have sex with me. Teddy was Teddy, he was perfect.


But things escalated quickly between us, it got out of control one night, between alcohol and the smoke of cigarettes he kissed me, as I quote he had said "I'm curious as to what the fuss is about."

I loved the way his lips felt on mine, the look on his eyes as they went back from my lips to my eyes as we gasped for air, letting me know he had enjoyed just as much as I had.

"Te—"

"Shh," he whispers against my lips before trapping them with his lips again. And with the alcohol on our side, we took things further that night. That night was the first one Teddy fucked me on Ronnie and I's bed.


Next morning we have sworn to never speak of the subject again, quoting Teddy's homosexuality and my non-existence desire for him but it was inevitable, mainly cause he wouldn't stop looking at me, confirming his homosexuality had become bisexuality and my 'non-existence' desire was very much existing when his looks made me shiver to the core. That day we did it on the couch, kitchen and yet again, in the bed.


Ronnie's trip lasted only 2 months with him explaining the lack of presence, but stating that he had gone clean and seek help for his anger issues, he even went on to as promise Reggie he would get on track. Reggie believed him, he wanted to, Ronnie was his brother but the sympathetic look he gave me before he left our apartment that day let me know he wasn't entirely sure of his brother's words. Ronnie's arrival also marked for me and Teddy's time to cut short but highly appreciated. However it was nowhere in Teddy's plans to stop seeing me

"I won't stop seeing you, love." He told me with heavy accent "I haven't had my fill with you and you, certainly, haven't had your fill of me." His smirk becoming strong at the end of the sentence.

And that was it for me, I didn't needed another sign or confirmation for us to continue our escapades between smoke and bathroom breaks, between trips Ronnie didn't need Teddy, or trips that involved Ronnie's secret hobbies in the BDSM world.


Ronnie's promise of him never laying a hand on me again lasted about 2 weeks, it all ended rather abruptly when I smiled at one of his friends according to Ronnie 'way to nicely' when he told a joke. So he rewarded me with a bruised cheek that was covered next day by a cape of makeup, but I couldn't fool Teddy. He knew every inch of my body, maybe even better than I did, so when he saw me first thing next morning, the first thing his blue eyes collided with was with the bruise underneath my makeup and he went straight into 'Mad Teddy' behavior but relaxed as I spoke to him, as I reminded him that he could not mention this to Ronnie, cause it would ruin everything between us and he wasn't about to jeopardize our relationship or my safety by doing that.

So we pretended. We pretended to be okay, we pretended to not care for each other. To not give two flying fucks about each other.

We were good at it, we we're perfect on our parts. We were meant to play them.

And during all that time, we never stop seeing each other, nor did Ronnie's beatings stopped. We were both sleeping with the same man and with each other but were only in love with one of them, I, on my part, had fallen deeply in love with Teddy since that night before Ronnie left. I was just too blind at that time to see it.


"I'm going to speak to Reggie today," Teddy spoke to me as he entered my apartment. Reggie took me away from Ronnie, beating the crap out of him once he found out he had put in the hospital and had set me up in a safe house.

"What?" I asked in disbelief, "No, Teddy, you can't."

"Anna, it's different now." He says, as a hand goes through his hair "Reggie isn't Ronnie."

"He's his brother, Teddy." I say, "you can't."

"Anna—"

"I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm—"

"I heard you. I just—how—how long?" he chokes out.

I sigh, closing my eyes and looking down. He didn't wanted it. He didn't wanted the baby. "About 3 weeks." I reply in whisper.

I turn my back to him, trying to hold down the tears when I feel his hands on my hips, wrapping them around my waist, chin propped up on my shoulder, kissing my ear before asking.

"Can we name her Clary if it's a girl?" he chuckles and I look up at him between tears before he envelopes me in a hug "I love you, Anna."

"I love you, Teddy." I say, burying my face in his shoulder as I whisper, "don't tell 'em. Promise you won't, Teddy."

He looks beaten, unsure but relents from it with a sigh and says "I promise. 'Kay?"


And yet after his promise, here I was, sitting in a chair on a correctional waiting for Reginald Kray.

"How's it going, Anna?" he greets me as he comes closer.

"It's been better, I suppose" I spoke, gathering courage.

"What can I do for you, hon?" he asked, in his thick British accent.

"I need to—" I swallowed before continuing, "I need to know what happened to Teddy."

He went pale. I knew it; he didn't needed to say it. I knew it, I have seen this face before, witnessed the same lies before and yet he decided to do it with me.

"I don't know what happened to Teddy." He told me. His eyes drifting to the windows on the wall.

"Where's his body, Reggie? He told he was speaking to you, he told me—"

He remained silent and a tear escaped my eyes as I stood up from the chair. I had nothing else to speak about with him and I had no interest in seeing Ronnie.

"Goodbye, Reggie."


Next time I saw him, he was in bed, ill. He could barely stay awake but he had requested for me to be there and meet him one last time.

And in his deathbed he spoke the words I had been longing to hear years ago, the closure I needed for the thoughts that haunted my nights, whispers with my name dripping from Teddy's thick accent.

"Anna," Reggie says, dragging the words, "I killed Teddy."

I stay quiet, but he waits for a response and I don't know what to tell him. Having been practicing what I would actually say to him when the opportunity ever presented to me had blurred out from my mind.

But I spoke out something at the end,

Word vomit.

"I was in love with him," I say, looking down, "Teddy and I—"

"I know," he mutters, between coughs "I wish things would've been different."

Yes, so do I. for starters I wish he could've stayed quiet as I plead with him.

I stay quiet, not sure what to tell him. After all, what could I tell him?

"He loved you," Reggie says as I, for a moment, think he refers to Teddy but he speaks of Ronnie. "He was confused, and had a hell of a way to show you his affect, he didn't wanted you to run on him."

Reggie had killed Teddy. My Teddy. To protect his brother, a man who 'loved' me and had a brutal way of showing it.

And before I can stop it, it happens again. Word vomit.

"Did he tell you I was pregnant?" I told him in a choke, a tear rolling down my cheek "did he mention to you before you took his life that I was expecting a child? His child?"

Reggie is still, chuckles before coughing loudly and adds, "I always knew that little bribe wasn't completely what he said he was."

A tear escapes my eye and I chuckle ironically at his statement before I tell him I forgive him even though he didn't requested for it, even though he didn't deserved it. I tell him Teddy would want me to shoot his bloody brains out, that was his style and I tell him I would have, but that my child. Teddy's child couldn't lose another parent.

Reggie dies that day and I found peace, somehow surviving through it.

Surviving through the lost of the only man I've ever loved.

Edward 'Mad Teddy' Smith.

Teddy took the bullet for both of us and what I have left to remember is his smile, his laugh, his eyes reflected on my daughter; Clary.