Author's note: I don't own anything. I don't own Wizard of Oz. I don't own Smallville. I just happened to notice some funny little similarities between the two, okay? So don't sue me. Thank you. I love you all!

Clark yawned and flicked through the channels. There was absolutely nothing on. Whatsoever. He mentally tallied his choices.

Comedy Central: Annoying black comedian contrasting the way people of different races drive.

Cartoon Network: "Cow and Chicken".

The Sci-Fi channel: "Star Trek" marathon. Despite his many charms, Clark hated "Star Trek". I don't know why.

FOX: Idiotic reality TV.

NBC: "Friends". Clark also hated "Friends". No, I don't know why either.

WB: Clark snorted. Who wanted to watch a stupid channel like WB?

He switched to AMC as a last-ditch resort…

And fell asleep right at the moment Dorothy was opening the door to Oz. Which is my favorite part, by the way.

Way far off on a different planet, filmed in black-and-white…

"Daddy Jor-El! Mommy Lara-El! There's a huge planet explosion coming!"

Little Kal-El ran into Jor-El and Lara-El's room at 3 in the morning, screaming. Of course, he was screaming in Kryptonian. Fortunately, the spoken Kryptonian language is identical to English.

Lara-El sighed. "Jor, I told you to stop telling Kal about your discoveries."

Jor-El sat up, blinking. "Kal, that's not for a whole year yet. Please, try to sleep."

Kal-El shook his head. "No! It's coming now."

Jor-El frowned. There was a rumble…

Kal-El jumped up and down. "There! See?"

Jor-El gasped. "My God! The boy's right!" He jumped out of bed, pulling the covers from on top of Lara-El. She made a sound of disgust, not unlike the one that Marge Simpson tends to make when Homer does or says something stupid. Which is always, but I digress…

A few minutes later, after Jor-El checked a bunch of charts and made some potent Kryptonian coffee for Lara-El, the El family was saying their goodbyes.

Kal-El clutched Krypto to his chest. "Can't Krypto come with me?" he begged.

Jor-El shook his head. "Sorry, son. The show is trying to go back to the original Superman thing. No annoying flying animals, just some good old-fashioned angst."

Kal-El pouted. "But Krypto was a really important part of the Superman mythology. At least in the Sixties."

I sat on the floor and flipped through the "Superman In The Sixties" book my brother had given me for Christmas. "Sorry, Jor. He's right."

Jor-El sighed. "God, I hate that stupid mutt. Whatever." He slammed the door to the capsule.

Kal-El rolled around on the floor. "Are we there yet?" Krypto barked and smeared snot on the window.

I held up a warning finger. "Guys? Song."

Somewhere over the rainbow

Crows will fly

And there's a land that I dreamed of

Once in a comic book

Somewhere over the rainbow

Dreams come true

And I have a foster mom

Who can actually cook

Somewhere over the rainbow

MY STUPID LITTLE BROTHER WILL HAVE A DINNER PLATE STUFFED UP HIS NOSE IF HE DOESN'T STOP SINGING "Somewhere Over the Fart-Fart"

Kal-El clutched Krypto as the spaceship whirled around. There was a thud, a crunch, and silence.

Krypto whined. Kal-El nervously opened the door…

To be continued whenever I feel like it. Meanwhile, here's a mental image that has nothing to do with the story: Lana Lang in dominatrix gear.