" More often than not ... or ... moreso than I like ... I am drifting ... drifting through an endless darkness ... it will surround me ... as if trying to comfort me ... like a blanket would a child in it's warmth ... but ... infact ... it is pulling me deeper ... into it's grasp of despair ... I always know ... that when ... I'm here, something bad is happening ... out there. Who am I hurting ...? Who am I killing ...? Who am I ... eating? Despite where I am ... the sensations are overpowering ... I can feel it all. The taste ... the smell ... the sound ... the only thing I can't really do is see. I'm kind of thankful for that part really. I know that I .. can't control myself ... it's my own fault really ... that I bring myself to this point ... all ... because I'm ... too much of a coward ... to tell the ... one I love ... that I'm a ... monster. A ... ghoul. "
Soft pants could be heard as the slow, staggering footsteps that belonged to Akira moved forward. Using the wall for support as he slowly made his way towards the apartment that he shared with his boyfriend - Reiner. Akira knew if he could just make it inside and to the bathroom, he could hide the evidence of his latest sin. He'd failed yet again to control himself, his hunger and he'd killed. Savagely from what he'd woken up to. Bodies were scattered about him in pieces of what use to be human. Blood coated the walls and the floor as much as it did him. He dare not throw up what kept his belly full and his mind sane, despite the desperate want to do so. Akira's half lidded pale, silverish white eyes stared forward. His vision somewhat blurry as he paused in his steps to rest a moment. His silky jet black locks were damp between the blood and the sweat of his body, clinging to his tanned skin and somewhat hiding his face save for half of it. His thin lips parted as pants and puffs of steam, materalized from the cold, winter air were made visible. It was always like this. When he came out of one of his binges ... he was exhausted ... to the point where he could barely move sometimes. It was as if his body struggled to keep up with what he became. He closed his eyes as he winced at the stiffness in his bones, but he pushed forward.
It took a bit of effort, but Akira managed to get into the apartment without making too much noise. His bare, bloodied feet moved across the hardwood floor. Thankfully the blood had dried. Akira headed for the bathroom, only pausing briefly to look through the cracked door at the large sleeping male in the bed. A sharp feeling of guilt caused his chest to ache as it always did. His eyes glossing with warmth as tears threatened to fall down his face. He continued on and walked into the bathroom as he closed the door. Pressing his back against it as he tilted his head back, staring upwards through his half lidded orbs. The tears finally falling as they slid down his cheeks. " .. I'm ... sorry ... Rei ... " He muttered quietly. His chest ached. His heart ached as he lowered his head, his bangs hanging over his eyes and casting a shadow. Unlike himself, Reiner was a human, not a ghoul. Not like Akira. Infact, Reiner worked for the very organization that hunted down monsters like himself. He knew ... if the other ever found out ... he'd kill him without hesitation. Akira slowly turned on the shower, letting the hot water run as steam started to fill up the bathroom.
A small part of Akira wanted to tell Reiner just for that reason. He felt .. like death would be a better solution than continuing to lie to the person he loved. Akira slowly begun to undress as his bloodied clothes slid to the floor at his feet as he stood there for a moment. His slender, muscular built body was fit. A large, burn - like scar was stretched across his back, not sure where it came from. Reiner had asked him once, but he honestly didn't know. Much of his past was a mystery to him. Akira didn't know much of anything about his life before Reiner. The other had saved him four years ago. Laying in the street, bloodied and badly hurt, Reiner had assumed Akira had been attacked by a Ghoul and somehow survived. Akira's life had begun ... the moment he'd woken up and saw Reiner sitting in that chair at his bedside. Akira grabbed his arms at the memory as he stepped forward and pressed his forehead against the cold wall of the shower as the blood washed from his hair and body, swirling down the drain. Perhaps that was why ... he felt like such a traitor to the man that had saved him. When Akira had realized he was a Ghoul, he was lost. There was no one he could ask for help. He felt alone.
More and more these days, he was pushing himself to just confess to Reiner .. and let it all be over. Reiner had a deep hatred for Ghouls. They had killed the other's entire family. His wife and two daughters, which was the driving force to Reiner becoming who he was today. The need to avenge not only his only family, but the families of many others. After a long shower, Akira felt somewhat better as he opened the door and blinked when he was met with a chest of nicely defined muscle and tanned flesh and he glanced up to see Reiner standing there, staring down at him with his usual gruff expression, a scowl, but this one somewhat worried as he gave Akira's freshly showered form a once over. He then raised his hand to run it through his messy black hair, which was wild as can be from sleep, even though it wasn't usually tame in the first place. " ... you okay?" He asked in that deep, sultry tone that Akira loved so much. Akira lowered his eyes as he forced a smile, keeping his bloodied clothes hidden under the towel in his arms that he'd planned to use to dry his hair. " Y .. Yes, I'm fine ... I'm sorry, did I wake you ...?" Akira asked quietly as he looked down.
Reiner kept his gaze on Akira before he frowned and closed his eyes as he turned to the side, revealing he was only dressed in a pair of sweats. " ... not with the shower. I ... always wake up if I turn over ... and your not beside me .. .. " He muttered as Akira's form tensed as he bit his bottom lip briefly before he tried to relax himself. " I ... I'm sorry, I wasn't able to sleep ... I thought a shower ... would help." Akira spoke as Reiner glanced at the smaller male out the corner of his eye before he closed them and then gently wrapped his arm around Akira. " Come on, let's go back to bed." He said as Akira nodded slowly and walked back into the room with the other. As Reiner moved towards the bed, he blinked slowly when he felt Akira stop in his tracks. He glanced down at the other. Seeing Akira standing there, clutching the bundled towel against his chest, his face somewhat buried into it. He almost looked like he was treambling ...? He turned to face the other a bit more as he frowned in worry. " Akira ..?" He questioned as Akira was quiet for a long moment before he slowly moved his arms as the towel fell to the floor.
Reiner blinked as he looked down and his eyes widened when he saw the bloodied clothing bundled among the towel. His gaze lifted to Akira, whose face was hidden by the shadow his bangs cast. " Akira? W ... What is this?" He asked as he kneeled down and moved the towel, his expression filled with confusion. " W ... Were you hurt? Did .. something happen?" He asked as he glanced up at Akira and his eyes widened as his entire body froze in place. It tensed slowly the longer he stared up at Akira's face. Seeing the tears streaming down the other's face, but it wasn't Akira's tears that had frozen him in place as he was. The white of the other's eyes had been replaced with black, a bottomless, inhuman color as white and red tendrils spread out from the center and around the skin of his eyes. The center pupils mismatched, the right the bright, scarlet red that Reiner had seen many times before and the left, a pale shade of blue, almost white as Akira stared down at Reiner through his tear filled eyes.
Reiner clutched the towel that his hand hovered over as he slowly shook his head. " ... Akira?" He questioned as if the male standing infront of him wasn't real. Akira flinched at the other's questioning tone. This was it. Everything was over. He was going to lose everything. But he couldn't hide it from Reiner any longer. Akira would rather be killed here and now, then risk one day hurting the person he loved most. He lowered his head as Reiner finally moved to stand, lifting the towel up with him. The shadow cast over Akira's eyes once more as he clutched at the sides of his pants. " ... I ... I'm sorry ... Rei ... " He managed to get out in a shaky tone. " ... I ... ... I couldn't stand ... lying to you anymore ... i ... it just ... keeps getting worse and worse ... and ... I ... I don't want to hurt anymo - " Akira was silence when he felt the towel softly land on his head as it fell about his face. His eyes widened before he looked up at Reiner. Reiner was simply staring down at him, but to Akira's surprise ... it wasn't a look of anger ... or hate ... it was a look of relief. Akira's own face filled with confusion as Reiner raised his hands and gently begun to dry Akira's hair with the towel.
" Idiot. Did you expect me to kill you?" Reiner finally spoke as Akira's eyes widened a bit more as Reiner clicked his tongue in annoyance. " ... I thought you knew me better than that Akira. Anyone else, I would have ... but not you. I don't give a shit what you are. Ghoul or human, the day I found you ... you became my world. You gave me life again ...a purpose ... a reason to love again. That trumps any hatred I have towards Ghouls. You trump any hatred I could ever have." He said calmly as Akira's eyes lowered as tears filled his eyes and instantly streamed down his face, " ... b - but R - Rei - " " We'll work through it Akira ...deep down ... I kind of always had a feeling ... but you'd become so good at hiding that side of yourself, I hardly noticed the differences after awhile. That won't change, even if you reveal this side to me." He said as Akira's face filled with a tearful relief of joy as he moved forward and suddenly hugged Reiner tightly as he buried his face into the other's chest as he sobbed. He really did love Reiner more than anything. It made him feel amazingly to know ... that Reiner felt the same. Reiner lowered his eyes as he smiled a bit, wrapping his arms around Akira as he rubbed his back. " It's alright Akira .. " He muttered.
It seemed like forever before Reiner was finally able to get Akira to sleep. The other must have been holding in all that emotion for quite sometime. Reiner sat back against the headboard, one fist against his cheek, his elbow against his arched leg while Akira was snuggled up against the thigh of his other, his hand lazily stroking through the other's dark locks. He stared at the window as the Sun begun to rise. While he was confident that he wouldn't feel any differently, this did change things. Reiner himself was an agent of the CCG, it was his job to kill Ghouls. If anyone found out about Akira, the other would be hunted down. Especially if he was going out on binges after holding back his hunger for long periods. He side glanced at the floor where the bloodied clothes were. It made sense to him now. Why he never saw Akira eat hardly and if he did, he was sick as a dog afterwards. Why Akira always cried when they watched the news and a sorry came on about CCG's latest clean up of Ghouls. The other had been surpressing a side of himself just to be with him. He looked down at Akira's face as he stroked the spot under the other's eye softly. It was hard for him to imagine that such a gentle kid was a Ghoul. He then closed his eyes as he sighed. It seemed he would have to call on an old friend for help.
Later that day, Reiner walked down the busy sidewalk with Akira at his side, he stroked his stubbled face a bit in thought as he chewed on the cig inbetween his lips. He didn't seem to happy about wherever they were going, was the first thought on Akira's mind as he side glanced up at the other. " Uh ... Rei ... where are we going?" Akira asked as Reiner closed his eyes as he sighed through his nose. " ... to an ... old friend's place ... someone who can help us ..." He said as Akira blinked innocently. " Really?" He asked in surprise as Reiner nodded. " Mm." He said as Akira looked forward and soon they came across the cafe - Antinkeu. As they walked through the door and the bell chimmed, Akira was surprised at the overpowering smell of coffee. It wasn't a bad smell though. He stared forward as they were greeted by the staff. A purple haired young beauty and a auburn haired male with glasses and a young handsome male with pure white hair. Akira stood there in surprise as another smell hit him. Ghouls. The three young people stared forward at the two of them, their smiles quickly fading as Reiner rubbed the back of his neck. " Where is the old man?" He asked as the white haired male known as Kaneki stared directly at Akira.
" I have a name Mr. Reiner." An aged voice spoke as Akira turned his head to see the kind faced old man as he walked from behind the counter. Akira tilted his head as Reiner looked at the man as well before a surprised look crossed the Owner's face as he stared at Akira. He then smiled as he folded his arms behind his back and turned his head to look at the other three. " Touka and Nishiki ... take care of our guests ... Kaneki and I will serve our two guests here." Touka and Nishiki nodded as Akira and Reiner were led to the back and into a seperate room. As the door was closed, Kaneki begun to make some coffee. " Please have a seat." The Owner spoke as Akira nodded and sat down beside Reiner, he bowed his head slightly. " Thank you." Akira spoke as the Owner smiled. " A kind young man I see." He said as he sat down across from them, lacing his fingers as Reiner crossed his arms. " What might your name be?" The Owner asked as Akira set his hand against his lap nervously. " ... Akira. My name is Akira .. Sir." He said as he eyed the Owner through his bangs, clearly able to tell the other was a Ghoul and a strong one at that. He side glanced at Kaneki's back, he was ... very strong too. It made him nervous.
" Ah .. Akira is a fine name. You remind me much of someone who once sat in that very seat." He spoke as Kaneki paused for a moment before he continued with the coffee. " You don't have to call me Sir though. We are on equal grounds Akira." He said with a smile as Akira lowered his eyes a bit. Reiner cleared his throat before he spoke. " I assume ... you know why I've brought him here. " The Owner nodded, " Of course. He is ..a Ghoul ... a very ... powerful one at that." He muttered as Akira blinked and shook his head. " I - I'm not .." He started as the Owner chuckled, " ... but you are my boy ... I'm sure it would be easy for you to handle both Kaneki and myself." He said as Reiner's eyes widened as Kaneki turned his head to look at the Owner in confusion as Akira looked lost. The Owner laughed a bit, " Of course assuming we can get you properly trained. As you are now, you are nothing more than a rabid beast on the loose ... and with your kind of power ... I'm afraid you shouldn't be let loose on the city." He said as Akira lowered his eyes. He then looked down as he clutched his pant legs. " ... y .. you can ... help me ...?" He asked quietly as Reiner glanced down at Akira.
The Owner was quiet for a moment as he thought, Kaneki set a cup of coffee down infront of everyone before sitting beside the elder man. Akira stared down at the coffee. The Owner than raised his cup to sip it, pulling away as he let out a pleased sigh. " Ah, perfect Kaneki." He said as Kaneki smiled slightly. " It took a long time to get there." He said as he looked at Akira. " You should drink it. It helps with the cravings." Kaneki spoke as Akira looked up at him. He then nodded as he raised the cup and blew on it before he took a long sip. It was warm and satisfying as he pulled it back and smiled warmly himself. " It's amazing ~" He said as Kaneki blushed faintly and looked away as the Owner looked at Reiner. " I believe that if Akira spends some time with us, we can help him to control his hunger and remain hidden from your employers. If anyone were to find out about him, he would no doubt be hunted down and killed." He said as Reiner nodded. " Good to hear. Akira is very important to me." He said as he placed his hand atop of Akira's head as he rubbed it some as Akira sipped on his coffee to hide his own blush.
" When I'm not able to, I will expect you to keep him safe. Think of it as full repayment of our debt." Reiner spoke as the Owner smiled a nodded. " With pleasure. Kaneki and I will do our very best." He said as Kaneki blinked and looked up at the other in confusion as Reiner looked down at Akira. The Owner then told Akira to come back to the cafe bright and early the following day. Kaneki stood beside the Owner as they watched the two males walk away. Kaneki's eyes narrowed slightly. " ... who is he?" He asked as he spoke of Akira. The Owner stared forward despite his eyes looking closed as always, his arms folded behind his back. His mind briefly flashing back to a memory from sometime ago. " ... the perfected result of ... man's meddling ... unlike you ... that boy was created from scratch ... as a weapon to kill Ghouls. I've crossed paths with him before ... although he does seem quite different ... perhaps he has lost his memory of that life ... his life as the White Serpent. " The Owner spoke as Kaneki's eyes widened at the name and he turned his head to look up at the elder man in surprise. He understood now, why the Owner had stated how strong Akira was like that. It had been a warning to Kaneki himself. Akira was ... the final experiement of the doctor who had changed Kaneki's entire existence.
