HELLO FRIENDS! So this is a cute HongIce that was co-authored by me and KiPanda Cutie, well she did most of the writting so I'm giving her the most credit on this. This was an attempt at at shit-ton of humor, really cheesy romance, and a bit of crime drama. It will also be a very long multi-chaptered fic that will be updated every Thursday, if possible. I really hope all you you like this as much as I did as when we were writing it! XD
Love you all!
We also don't own Hetalia, sadly, but at least we have this amazing plot!
"You caught me, Officer. You, like, win."
"...You have the right to remain silent, so stay silent."
"Okay, but like, you don't need to hold my wrists so tight."
"Shut up."
"Aye aye, Officer...Emil."
What a brat...
Thus, started the complicated adventure between Leon and Emil.
~ Earlier that day... ~
"LI XIAO WANG! I TOLD YOU NOT TO BUY THESE STUPID USELESS FIRECRACKERS FROM CHINATOWN ARU!"
Stupid brother Yao.
Said brother threw said firecrackers at Li Xiao, or Leon.
"At least I didn't steal them."
Yao muttered something under his breath, something along the lines of "stupid teenaged brothers, aru" and "why does my brother buy useless things from useless Chinatown, aru? Why not real China?"
It was really too bad that dear old brother Yao didn't have half the mind to think of what Leon was planning to do with those firecrackers.
Really.
"Well, thanks for getting these for me anyway." He ignored the irritated squeak from his brother as he started walking towards the door. "I'll just be going now, to, like, read. Outside. Or something."
Yao grabbed a fistful of Leon's back collar and yanked him back. "I don't think so, aru. You are staying here and studying. No more buying crappy stuff from Chinatown."
Leon rolled his eyes. "...Whatever." When Yao had left (with the door locked), Leon took a peek at the price tag on his firecrackers.
"Tch, stupid Yao. These were made in China. Who has stupid merchandise now?"
Leon snickered to himself and forced the window open, inhaling the foul city air. Taking his firecrackers, Leon crouched himself down upon the window frame.
"Today's a nice day to blow things up."
Leon lunged, plummeting towards the ground from his second story window. He kicked his feet out from above him, realigning his whole body into a standing position. He landed on his knees, the impact only shaking his bones.
"Today is also a nice day to visit Cranky Kirkland." Leon pushed the firecrackers into the front of his burgundy duangua, skilled fingers hiding any sign of wrinkles or bulges.
Cranky Kirkland, an alias well suited for the British man Arthur Kirkland, was an angry young man that acted way older than he was. Oh, and his cooking sucked.
It was horrid.
Horrid.
Arthur had opened a restaurant that had served British cuisine in Chinatown several months ago. Out of all places to serve English food, why in Chinatown? Arthur was ruining the place Leon loved! Where else was he supposed to eat lohas and buy cheap things?
But no, that wasn't the real reason why Leon hated Arthur so much.
No. There was something else.
Something far more traumatizing.
-Flashback-
Arthur, upon moving into the neighborhood, was a man that dreamed to acquire his own restaurant. Yet, he didn't have the money to do so. In order to raise money for this crappy dream of his, he started his own English sampling booth.
It was kind of like a lemonade stand, but not as cool.
Leon was fifteen then, so he didn't have any idea that tasting this British man's food was like tasting hell itself. He was looking around for cheap things that day, and upon doing so, happened to spy a booth that sold British cuisine.
The Leon today would've told the Leon three years ago that tasting British food was really, REALLY bad for your health, and was possibly packed with demon spawn.
"Oi, good morning, young fellow! Why don't you try some of my crap here?" Arthur called out to him.
Of course, the Brit didn't really say "crap," but that's just how Leon imagined it.
"Free food?" One couldn't just pass up an offer of free food! (Of course, Leon was about to learn how bad of an offer this man's food was.)
Leon slowly walked up to the stand, eyeing this bread...thing in his hand carefully. "It's a scone," the British man cheerfully chirped. Leon weighed his options carefully.
The thing in hand was burnt up and looked more like charcoal than a piece of glorious food.
But it was free.
The thing in hand could cause food poisoning, possibly death.
But it was free.
Stranger danger. Don't trust things that strangers give you. Especially British strangers that run sample booths in Chinatown.
But...FREE FOOD.
Leon, unfortunately, stuffed the whole thing in his mouth. The. Whole. Thing.
Arthur smiled. "So, how is it?"
As soon as he swallowed, Leon's head felt woozy, and his stomach twisted and turned in sickly slow motions. Yao always told him to be polite and say nice things, even if the person treated him like crap.
Well, this person had just given him crap.
"...It tastes...like..."
Arthur leaned forward expectantly. This man had no idea how bad his food was!
Luckily, Leon didn't have time to finish his sentence. He fell forward, the world collapsing around him.
Stupid scones. Stupid British men that serve stupid scones in Chinatown.
He remembered waking up in the hospital, Yao shrieking in his high pitched voice about how eating Arthur's Western food was like making ten deals with the devil.
And to make matters worse, that British man's cooking also did something to his face.
(Even though Yao repeatedly yelled that they were there before all of this happened.)
His precious, flawless face had two bold thick things above each of his eyes.
-End Flashback-
Leon wrinkled his nose at the memory.
It didn't do much damage to his face, but Leon loathed that man to this day because of it.
By the time Leon had finished reminiscing, he had stopped in front of Arthur's house. He pressed the doorbell repeatedly.
"Leon?! What are you doing here?" Arthur glowered, his thick caterpillar eyebrows arching downward as if they were going to slip off his face any minute.
Leon stared at Arthur blankly. "I came to get some British tea for Yao." He pushed past Arthur, heading straight for the kitchen.
"Don't just allow yourself in! And when did Yao start favoring British teas?!"
Leon shrugged. "I don't know. These days, Western culture is all he talks about. Don't ask me." He lied.
The Asian shuffled through drawers and cabinets, slipping a lighter down one of his long flowing sleeves. "Your kitchen looks new." Leon noted out loud.
"Yes, well...I haven't been using it since-"
"Yo, Arthur! What's going on over there?" A loud and obnoxious voice interrupted.
A blonde, robust man with glasses came noisily down the stairs, wrapping his arms around Arthur's waist.
"Ah, Alfred, um...This is Leon, an acquaintance I met some time ago."
Alfred grinned. "Cool! Nice to meet you, I'm Arthur's hero, Alfred!"
Leon inwardly smirked, silently noting to himself to use this as blackmail later on.
"As I was saying earlier, I'm not cooking because Alfred has been ordering pick up from McDonald's..."
Leon shrugged. "Cool, I guess. So you guys are, like, dating, or something?"
Arthur stuttered wildly, but Alfred winked at Leon brightly. "Yup, that's right! Arthur's all mine!"
"Get off of me, you git!"
This only made Alfred laugh as he pulled Arthur's body closer to his.
As the two were bickering over personal space, Leon lit the firecrackers and threw them onto the counter.
"Well, I better go. Yao's getting...thirsty." Leon winced at how twisted his words sounded.
Arthur frowned, but allowed Leon out of the door. "Well...Have a nice day then, Leon. Be sure to visit my restaurant some time!"
When Leon was almost entirely out of Arthur's sight, he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Not a chance."
That's when the firecrackers did their job.
SCREEEEEE! BARROOOOM!
The whole house started to burn, the faint crackling of firecrackers and British cursing sounding in the background. Leon turned to run, only to be stopped by bright blue and white lights.
Great. The cops.
"Turn around. Put your hands up."
And that's when Leon saw stars.
For a police officer, the guy looked pretty young, almost child-like. He was doll faced and pale; this guy didn't even look like a guy. Striking short platinum blonde locks that fell over his face, and light purple eyes; he looked different. Like, really different. A good type of different.
A really good different.
What kind of angel was this?
"Hey, you. I said put your hands up."
Leon sucked in a breath. Even his voice was cute. He slowly raised his hands, inwardly thanking Arthur and Alfred for calling this cop after him.
Cute Officer Boy Toy walked up to him, placing a firm grip on his wrists. Leon tried to maintain his apathetic composure.
Then the guy pushed him against his police car.
Leon winced quietly, his stomach getting jabbed by the metal grate of the license plate jutting out. Cold metal bit at the skin of his wrists, a small clacking sound hanging in the air.
Handcuffs.
Leon was enjoying this WAY more than he should.
This officer wasn't really strong, but Leon decided to play along anyway.
Then, he was shoved into a car.
Then, the cute police officer started driving him to his house-er, police station.
"You caught me, Officer. You like, win." Leon decided to tease his eye candy a bit.
The Officer glared at his newly acquired arrestee. "You have the right to remain silent, so stay silent."
Leon reached over the back seat, his fingers reaching out towards the officer's hair. He could just make out the name tag on the guy's shirt.
Officer Emil, huh?
Officer Emil grabbed his wrists, fingers applying aching pressure.
"Okay, but like, you don't need to hold my wrists so tight."
"Shut up." A vein pulsed on Emil's head.
So cute.
"Aye aye, Officer...Emil." Leon saluted him with two fingers and fell back into his seat.
The rest of the ride was pretty uneventful, but Leon did obtain more information about his person of interest. In the very front of the car, a picture of a very young Emil looking up at a tall blonde boy with a clip in his hair sat obediently against the window; another photo of a ridiculously grinning man with equally ridiculous hair dangled from a chain on the front mirror. Looking closer, the smiling man seemed to be squeezing an older version of the guy with a clip in his hair. It seemed like a very intimate gesture, a faint hint of a blush dusting the hair clip guy's cheeks.
The photo near the window must be him and his brother...
...And the photo on the front mirror must be his brother with...his boyfriend?
Leon cocked his head to the side. Why would this guy show his family like this in such an open and unguarded way...? Isn't he afraid that bad boys like me might hunt him down?
The door opened, snapping him out of his stray thoughts.
"Get out."
Leon stepped out of the car, and Emil lead him into a small white room. It was worn down and ratty, two chairs separated by a ebony table.
Investigation room?
"Wait here. Write down all of your personal information here." Emil pointed to the form now in front of him.
Leon's wrists were freed, and a pen was pushed into his palm.
"So in other words, what I'm hearing is that you want my number?" Leon flashed him a small smirk.
Emil's eyes widened, crimson painting his face. "Sh-shut up!"
And with that, Emil slammed the door behind him and stalked out.
-Several minutes later-
"You don't have parents?"
"No, they passed away. My legal guardian is my girly brother, Yao."
Leon could see Emil's lips turn a faint upwards curve. "Well, that makes two of us." He whispered, then cleared his throat. "Call him. He's going to pick you up. There are no charges against you, but the couple that lived in the house you burned down demands that you pay for all the damage."
Leon barely curved his lips down into a frown. "How much...?"
Emil cleared his throat noisily to bite back a laugh. "Five hundred eighty three thousand."
Leon sighed. "If I knew Arthur and his boyfriend would be so specific, I wouldn't have burned his house to the ground in the first place."
Emil cocked his head to the side. "You're admitting your actions in front of a police man?"
Leon shrugged. "I don't really care. I know it's my fault, and it's not like I murdered anybody."
Emil frowned. "What if I said that you killed the couple living inside the house?"
Again, Leon shrugged. "I would've said that Arthur deserved it. He ruined my face with his cooking."
Emil's eyes widened. "He burned you?"
The Asian shook his head, long bangs covering his eyes. "His poisonous scones forced these on my face." He pushed back his bangs to reveal his thick brows.
"...His scones grew out your eyebrows...?"
Leon nodded. "His cooking could kill a man."
Emil scoffed. "That's a sorry excuse. Call your brother to pick you up."
Leon complied, dialing the number to Yao's mobile.
"Those eyebrows suit you though." Emil whispered to himself, probably thinking that Leon couldn't hear him.
He did.
Leon paused his phone call in Mandarin (though he spoke more fluently in Cantonese) for a second, smirking to himself. "你好,这是 Leon。我在警察局。" (Hello, this is Leon. I am at the police station.) He added quietly, "我和一个很可爱的警察。" (I'm with a really cute police officer.)
"到底发生了什么?!" (What the hell happened?!) Yao's voice screeched at him angrily.
"我烧毁了 Arthur 的房子。" (I burned Arthur's house down.)
"我禁止所有鞭炮你!" (I ban all the firecrackers from you!)
"Whatever. 再见。" (Whatever. Goodbye.)
Leon hung up, sighing into his hands.
Yao sounded like he was going to kill me.
He took a glance at Emil, and smiled inwardly.
I'll die happy.
"My brother said-"
"You don't need to repeat what he said. From how loud he was yelling, he sounded pretty pissed."
Leon nodded wearily, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well, he's always pissed at someone."
Emil's lips curved up once more, but just as quickly as it appeared, his smile faded. "Well, that looks like him."
"I WANT TO SEE MY BROTHER, ARU! WHERE IS MY IDIOT OF A BROTHER?!"
"God, just shut up already." Leon hissed, sending Emil an apologetic look.
Emil simply opened the door and led a very angry Yao inside. "Arthur Kirkland and Alfred Jones are not pressing any charges, luckily. However, they are demanding five hundred and eighty three thousand dollars to pay for the damage."
Yao's eyes bugged, but it wasn't from the money. "AIYAAAHH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME, ARU?! THIS STUPID LITTLE DEMON BLEW UP THEIR HOUSE, AND THEY'RE NOT PRESSING CHARGES?! There really is something wrong with that British man, aru."
Leon stuck his tongue out. "I tried to, like, tell you; you wouldn't listen."
Emil tucked a stray hair behind his ear. "Just be glad that they decided not to press charges. This way, we won't see each other ever again, right?"
Yao sighed irritably, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, and yanking Leon's ear with the other. "Let's just go home, aru. When I'm through with you, you won't have a hand to throw firecrackers at people with."
Leon winced as the yanking persisted, taking one last look at Emil, gesturing a "call me" sign towards the fair haired boy. He received a nasty red faced glare in his direction.
I'll see him again. I'm sure of it.
Yank.
"Let's go, aru!"
"Okay, okay! I'm coming, I'm coming!" Yank. "Don't get your-" Yank. "-ponytail in a twist!"
