Author's Rambling: Why am I writing this when I should be working? The answer is thusly: There are not enough crossdressing!Sasuke fics. No, there are not. Plus, I am so sick of girly, wimpy portrayals of Naruto. Time to make someone else girly, damnit!
Just out of curiosity, how many people know where the title comes from?
Warnings: Bad language, homosexual relationships, occasional OOCness...and...ROLE REVERSAL! –rubs hands together and cackles evilly—Also, I apologize in advance, describing clothes is my soft spot...—sheepish laugh— oi vey..
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but Kyuubi lives in my closet, and is apparently incapable of feeding himself. Nine tails and he can't even make a fucking sandwich. –shakefist— you're USELESS, Kyuubi!
--------------------------------
It was a beautiful spring morning in Konoha. The sun shone from the cloudless blue bowl of the sky, sending dazzling light over the bright green of new leaves and pale pinks and whites of the flowering trees. A brisk breeze kept the day from getting too warm, and scattered the sweet scents of blooming flowers across the town. People drove to work with their windows down, and kids took their time walking to school, talking to their friends and conglomerating in little groups on street corners.
Yes, it was a nice, sunny, absolutely perfect day. Except for in one small, blue house with white trim, where a small storm cloud was hovering over the dark head of one severely annoyed Uchiha Sasuke. The slim teen was standing in his room, which he'd just moved into yesterday, as evidenced by the boxes still stacked in the corners, glowering at his reflection.
He growled in annoyance and buttoned the high collared, olive green dress/shirt thing vaguely reminiscent of a nurse's uniform over the padded bra and dark blue jeans. It was designed with shoulder pads (which Sasuke had torn out), so it was perfect for disguising the fact that his shoulders were a bit too broad for a seventeen year old girl.
His blue-black hair had been gelled up into what Kakashi had cheerfully termed "punk-rocker chick" spikes (Sasuke was fairly sure the damned old fool had no clue what he was talking about), bangs held out of his face on one side with a black metal star clip. All in all, he looked like a girl. A small-chested, narrow-hipped girl, but a girl nonetheless.
Which was sort of the point.
Unfortunately.
When Sasuke was seven years old, he had come home from school one day to find his older brother standing over the dead bodies of their parents. Itachi had left him alive, telling his brother that he wasn't worth killing. This proved to be a mistake, as Sasuke had done what had been drilled into every child from birth, and called the police. Further inspection had proved that the rest of the huge family was being slaughtered at an alarming rate, apparently at Itachi's hands. Sasuke had immediately been put in the Witness Protection Program, moved several cities away and given new identity in the guardianship of his aunt and uncle.
Itachi had proven disturbingly good at penetrating the system and tracking his little brother down, having done so fifteen times in the ten years since the massacre. Every time Sasuke was placed in a new Uchiha family, without fail, Itachi would find him and Sasuke was always the only survivor. Every time, Sasuke was suspected. Every time, forensic evidence and witness accounts proved it was his brother. Sasuke wasn't surprised. Itachi wanted people to know he was the killer. The situation was getting desperate and stronger measures of protection were needed. Which was why Sasuke was currently masquerading as a girl in a crap-hole of a town in the middle of nowhere, under the guardianship of one highly irritating, class-A pervert FBI agent, Hatake Kakashi.
Fucking Itachi.
Sasuke growled, shoving his feet into black ballet flats and stomping down the hall, pissed beyond measure just thinking about the situation he was in. This was all. Itachi's. Damn. Fault and when Sasuke finally got his hands on the bastard, he was going to add this onto the ever-growing list of things to get back at him for.
Kakashi looked up from his newspaper as Sasuke stormed into the kitchen, one visible eye crinkling with a smile that wasn't noticeable under the pulled up neck of the black turtleneck Sasuke swore was the only shirt the man owned. His left eye was covered with an eye patch. Kakashi claimed to have lost the eye in a knife fight with a mob boss who had become enraged beyond reason when the sliver-haired man had single-handedly busted his drug-dealing ring, but Sasuke trusted his guardian about as far as he could throw him.
"You look cute." Kakashi complimented the teen slamming cupboards and drawers as he stalked around the kitchen in high dudgeon, happy as a clam despite the vicious glare that drilled into his skull at the words. Kakashi liked the boy. He was fun to irritate, and he just made it so easy!
Sasuke took his anger out on his breakfast, sinking his small pearly teeth into his toast and viciously tearing off a piece. Surprisingly, murdering his food actually made him feel a tiny bit better. Kakashi ruffled Sasuke's hair, nearly getting his hand chomped in the process. The man just smiled, apparently unfazed. He had, however, jerked his hand back awfully quickly.
"Now now, Sasuke-chan, if you don't hurry up, you'll be late. Wouldn't want that on your first day." Sasuke considered kicking Kakashi in the shin for the degrading suffix, but reluctantly admitted he was right. Vowing to hide the man's Icha Icha Paradise when he got home, he stalked to the door, snagging his keys and messenger bag from the hallway. Making sure to slam the door hard enough to rattle the windows on his way out, he headed out into the bright sunshine.
-------------
Sasuke stared in quiet horror at Konoha High School. Not only was it clearly an older building, while he was used to high-tech and high-rise, but it was fucking tiny! How did they fit over two thousand students in there? He –barely- repressed a despairing sigh. Life was such a bitch. He started across the sweeping, tree-dotted grounds to the front steps, passing groups of students talking or lounging around. He got a few curious looks, which he supposed was from being someone new, but was otherwise relatively ignored. Thank god for small favors. He didn't think he could handle any idiocy this early in the morning.
He climbed up the steps and pushed the heavy front doors open, reminding himself to walk like a girl. The hallway, lined with doors and lockers painted a dark green, suddenly stretched out in front of him for eternity. Sasuke took a slightly deeper then normal breath. He could do this. He had a fucking psychopath for a brother; he wasn't going to be scared of one measly old hallway. Lucky for Sasuke, there was a sign right at the end of the hall, which he could now see branched off into two other halls, labeled OFFICE in big block letters with an arrow underneath. He sped up slightly, turning the corner...
...And slammed right into someone coming the opposite direction.
Sasuke let out an 'oomph' as his butt made contact with the tile floor in an abrupt and painful manner. His hands shot out, catching himself before his head met the same fate.
"Shit, I'm sorry!"
Sasuke slowly raised his gaze, over orange and black tennis shoes, up long legs clad in baggy denim, past slim hips, where the low waist of the jeans showed orange boxer, up past a dark blue shirt bearing the words 'Know Your Genetically Modified Produce' under a picture of a limonut stretched over broad shoulders and a well-muscled chest, finally resting on concerned blue eyes under a thatch of blonde hair.
Hooooooly fuck.
This almost justified being forced into a padded bra and dragged halfway across the country.
---------------------------------
Well, there you have it. Naruto's shirt was just a sort of spur-of-the-moment thing. –laughs— A limonut is a lime/coconut combo. I have a question for any readers. Would you prefer Kyuubi as a a) Separate person from Naruto, as in best friend or something, b) Relation of Naruto or c) Part of Naruto? I have some ideas for all three, but I figured I'd let you all decide. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I need to go feed myself, because my stomach just snarled and startled Kyuubi. –pads off—
"Flamer" is another term for a flamboyantly gay person. Please review respectfully.
