AN: Ummm, first time. Please be gentle. I would like to thank amateur-hourd, cuticlecareenetwork and the girls on Twitter. You guys are an amazing support system. I know this because this would never have seen daylight without you. Thank you.

The Talk

Jesse and Beca were in their kitchen contemplating tonight's dinner when their two children, ages 15 & 14 walk in.

"Mom, Dad, today is sex talk day. Not the 'when you love someone' sex talk. The one that is specific and detailed and embarrassing on both sides. It takes place today or we'll be asking our friends or experimenting on our own. Take your pick. "

This was all said in one breath by 15 year old Dane and 14 year old Sarah nodding her head. Jesse looked at Beca and they had that silent conversation that couples who have been together a long time have.

Jesse then looked at the children and said "Kitchen table or bar stools? Becs, get the box. I'll get the easel." Beca ran upstairs to their bedroom. Just as her foot hit the top tread she hears, "Don't forget the stuff in the nightstand drawer..." Jesse walks into the family room picks up the art easel that has become a cork board holder in recent years and a pad of drawing paper and a Sharpie.

He and Beca met back up in the kitchen to find their children sitting at the breakfast bar with confused looks on their faces. Jesse sets up the easel and paper while Beca looks into the box for inspiration. Jesse comes up behind her, points to the condoms and says "I guess we start with those." He then takes 2 cucumbers from the refrigerator and hands them to his children, takes two bananas from the fruit bowl and hands one to Beca, then grabs the box of condoms and hands one to everyone.

"Ok, Lesson number one..."

Two hours later the two teenagers leave the kitchen with red faces and an inability to speak in full sentences. Jesse and Beca just slide down the counter and sit on the floor.

Jesse took a long look at his wife and says, "So, out of curiosity where did you get the stuff in the box?"

Beca just looks up and says "Oh, I Googled 'how to scare your teenagers sexless'. Then I went to the sex toy store and bought everything on the list."

"You're brilliant" Jesse says kissing her, then kisses her neck and whispers into her ear "do you think we can try page 57 tonight after they go to bed?"...

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"Why aren't you as traumatized as I am?" Dane said shakily. He was lying on the sofa with his arm over his face.

"Because I caught them once," replied Sarah from the love seat. "Well…. almost caught them."

"You did?" Dane squeaked back, sitting up and staring at his sister. "Then why aren't you more traumatized? Why aren't you in therapy?" He was amazed that Sarah had never said a thing. Not even when he put forward the plan for the sex talk. He had been thinking about asking Samantha Davis for a date and wanted the skinny on any possibilities that may occur. Now, he wasn't so sure. Okay, he was sure he wanted a date but he was also pretty sure he wasn't ready for much more than a goodnight kiss.

"When?"

"When what?" asked Sarah.

"When did you catch them, nearly catch them, whatever?" Dane tried to specify.

"Oh, last week when I forgot my shin guards at home. I came in through the sliding door and heard these sounds coming from the sofa and I thought 'oooohhh Dane has a girl over when he's supposed to be at baseball practice. This will be good blackmail for the future," Sarah said. "Then I tiptoed closer and well, it wasn't you. They still had their clothes on but… let's just say mom is REALLY flexible. Like gymnast flexible."

Dane looked like he was about to be sick.

" I ran out the door as quickly as I could. Aunt Aubrey was there and she's like 'Sara you didn't get them and we're late." Sarah said, now looking stricken. She wiped her brow. " I couldn't really talk. It came out something like 'sofa. can't. mom. dad. clothes. no, no, no.' "

"What did Aunt Bree say?" Dane croaked out in disbelief.

Sarah looked like she was about to faint.

"Aunt Bree just smiled a little, led me to the car door and said You can borrow a pair, I'm sure, honey. She didn't seem fazed at all."

"What?"

"Yep. So, when I calmed down a little, I asked why she didn't seem fazed. Her answer was that it wasn't the first time our parents have been caught."

Sarah said the last bit with a devious smile spreading on her face.

Dane saw the smile and said "Why the look?"

"Dude, THAT is something I can use in the future. Totally. So, I'm saving it for later."

THAT is Beca's daughter. To a T.

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"Mom, a little help here please" Sarah came into the kitchen with the two vibrators and dildo from The Box.

"Which one is the uncircumcised one? I mean, do I have to date a Jewish guy? Cause this could be in my future…"

Beca pound her head against the wall. She knew having that second child was going to be trouble.

"Ask. Your. Father" There, her existence was his fault anyway.