Title:
Memory
Author:
Simon
Pairing:
Dick/Garth-NOT Sea and Sky
Rating:
PG-13
Summary:
One of those late night talks
Warnings:
Slash...be warned, matey's
Disclaimers:
These guys aren't mine, they don't belong to me, worst
luck,
so don't bother me.
Feedback:
Hell, yes. Baeden2020y...
I
have no idea where this came from—maybe because my grandfather
was
an
undertaker? You got me, but it just sort of popped into my
head.
Memory
"You
must have some. Garth, come on. Tell me one."
"I
really don't remember much from when I was that young. Honestly,
Rob,
I just don't."
A
sigh, half disbelieving and knowing that he'd tell if he
could.
"Then tell me your earliest memory. You were, what?
Three?
Four?"
"...I..."
"Your
oldest memory of something good. Please?"
Garth
gave a half smile of resignation. They had just made love,
again,
for the third time tonight and were at the point of just
wanting
to be close before sleep. It was the time past sex and when
their
sharing was beyond just the physical—not that the physical
side
of things wasn't better than either of them had thought
possible.
This was one of the few times they were together when Dick
would
be serious, wanting to ask how he really felt about this or
that,
wanting to know about his past or his hopes for the future.
Richard
would drop it if he asked him, but they had no secrets, not
really
and it didn't matter. It was fine. His memory was sketchy
from
when he was small, just bits and pieces of this and that.
Fragments,
half memory and half dream sort of things, partial ideas
that
drift through your mind and disappear before they're even
fully
formed.
But
there was one...
They
settled back down together, Garth on his back, head on the
piled
pillows, Dick against him, arms holding one another,
stroking
absentmindedly.
"I
guess I was about five, maybe six, and Thafor..."
"Thafor?"
"He
was my tutor at the palace."
"Have
I met him?
"No."
"Is
he still there?"
"Yes—do
you want to hear this?"
"Sorry."
"We
were in Shayeris for some reason. I don't know why we were
there,
but Arthur was busy with some officials—maybe they were
opening
relations between the cities, it was around that time—
anyway,
I was along and Thafor got me up one morning and told me
that
he wanted to show me something."
"Did
they know you were from there, that you're their legal king?"
"I
think some must have known or at least suspected. I think
Arthur
knew,
but he never said anything. Thafor knew."
"How
did he find out?"
"Rob..."
"Sorry.
The whole story about your background has always intrigued
me,
though. It's so—amazing."
That
was an understatement and there were volumes even Dick had no
idea
of. Maybe someday Garth would tell him about...He pulled Dick's
hand
up to his mouth, kissing the knuckles.
"I
got up and I probably had something to eat but I remember that
he
wanted
to get going. We finally were ready and he took me out of
wherever
we were staying and we went, just the two of us, swimming
along
until we got to this low white building on the edge of what I
now
know was the palace garden."
"The
palace in Shayeris?"
"Um-hmm.
The building's not that big, maybe fifty feet on a side and
it
was just one story. There were a lot of flowers and I
remember
thinking
that it was pretty there."
Dick
turned to look up at Garth's face. "There are gardens
and
flowers
underwater?"
"Of
course there are." He was still surprised by how little
landsmen
knew
about Atlantis, even Dick after all this time. "Why
wouldn't
there
be?"
"I
guess I never thought about it."
"There
was a big door and Thafor had a couple of keys. That
impressed
me, that he needed three keys to open the door." Dick
smiled
at him to continue, he loved hearing Garth talk. "We went in
and
there were lights but they were pretty subdued. You could get
around
alright, but it had a feel to it almost like a temple. I
remember
being sort of cowed by it and being afraid to talk out loud
so
I whispered."
"What
was the place?"
"He
told me that it was my family's crypt and that my relatives,
my
ancestors
and my father were in there."
"Jesus.
Who takes a little kid to a place like that? And how did he
know
who your family is? I thought that was a big secret."
"It
was—from me. Obviously Thafor knew and, like I said, I'm
pretty
sure
that Arthur did, too."
"Wait,
why do you think Arthur knew back then? He never said
anything
until you confronted him about it when you were like
eighteen
or something."
"I
think he knew simply because of the education I received. I
was
trained
from the time he found me for diplomacy—learning languages
and
political science, history, world religions and all. He had to
have
known. I figured later that he took me along with him that trip
so
that the local worthies could check me out." He hugged Dick
a
little
tighter. "Do you want to hear this?"
"Sorry."
"Anyway,
it wasn't disgusting or frightening in any way. It was very
clean,
quiet, well tended. There weren't bodies lying out or
anything.
There were niches in the walls that held a lot of coffins—
all
white stone, marble, I guess. And in the main rooms were
there
pedestals,
all white, holding more tombs. They all had a name, or
sometimes
two, carved on them with the dates. Thafor told me a
little
about some of them, what they were like, who they were, how
they'd
died. This one was a great ruler, this one was mad. This one
was
a fool, this one was a saint.' That sort of thing. He walked me
over
to a small side room with two pedestals in it. One had a
coffin,
another one of the big stone things on it and he
said,
That's your father and the one next to it is for you when the
time
comes.' My name was—is—carved there with the date of my
birth.
All
it needs is the date of my death and me. It's there waiting
now."
"What
did you do?"
"The
thing about my father went right by me at the time and I
remember
that I hopped up on the pedestal with my name, the one for
me
and sat there for a couple of minutes looking around at all
the
others."
"Didn't
that squeek you out or something? God, you were just a kid—
that's
a little young to be staring at your destiny."
Garth
gave a small laugh, a happy one. "No, you don't understand.
In
that
moment I realized something that I've never forgotten—it was
a
moment
of epiphany, I guess. I suddenly knew and was absolutely
certain
that no matter what I do, or don't do, no matter how well or
poorly
I do it, whether I'm a paragon or a murderer—it doesn't
matter.
I'll still end up in a marble box in that room, just like
all
the others."
Dick
turned, pulling himself up on his elbows and looking down
at
Garth."...But,
of course it matters how you live your life. Jesus, of
course
it frigging matters."
"Not
in the long run it doesn't, Robbie, just while I'm
here."
"But..."
"No,
no, listen to me. Alright, I know it makes a difference in
an
immediate
way—it makes a difference as to whether or not I have
friends
or am personally respected and all of that, sure, but no
matter
what—the end is still the same." Garth looked up at him.
"I
think
it made it a lot easier for me to accept a lot of things."
"That's
warped. In fact, that's fucked, it really is."
"No
it isn't. I know that I'm just one in a long line. There were
all
those people before me and there will be more after me. I just
play
my part while I'm here. I think it made me sort of fatalistic."
He
reached up to kiss Dick. "I go back there every couple of
years.
It
puts things in perspective for me."
"What?
This, too, shall pass'?"
"Something
like that."
Dick
moved so that he was propped up on one elbow, looking down at
Garth
with their hands still laced together, their bodies
pressed
comfortably
together. "You know I thought you'd tell me about a
birthday
party or something like that."
"We
don't celebrate birthdays."
"Or
something." He kissed Garth goodnight. It was late and they
were
both
tired. God, there was so much about Garth tat he still didn't
know.
He shifted the pillow; lay down to get ready for sleep.
Tomorrow
was Sunday, they could sleep in. That would be nice.
He
had just about drifted off when, "Rob?" It was soft, in
case he
had
fallen asleep.
"Hmm?"
"There's
room for two there, that's how they're designed. You know,
for
a King and his Consort. Would you—you know, would you want to
be
with
me there?"
He
spoke without thinking. "I think my parents have room where
they
are
and Bruce said that..."
"...Of
course.' A pause. "Good night, Rob."
Buried
underwater in some fancy royal crypt? That was weird. Buried
as
a royal consort? What did that make him, a queen? Talk about your
bad
jokes.
But
being with Garth?
Dick
really wasn't sure what he believed in and he didn't spend all
that
much time thinking about it. His gut told him that when you
died
you were dead and that was it but his Catholic upbringing told
him
that wasn't quite the case. He hadn't decided which way he
leaned
on this one. He knew Garth believed in some kind of
afterlife,
though they'd never really talked about it.
Underwater
with Garth.
Forever.
Buried
with Garth and letting anyone who cared a hundred years or a
thousand
years down the road that they were that important to each
other
and that they would still be together even then.
Damn.
In
fact it sounded pretty good.
"You
still awake?"
"Hmm."
"Yes."
Garth
squeezed his hand. "Good."
6/11/04
