Sonnet 14

If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought

That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day" -
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,

May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry, -
A creature might forget to weep, who bore

Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.

(Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Sonnets from The Portuguese)

PROLOGUE

Sometimes I wondered if I really wasn't cursed. For more than I could repeatedly blame my physical disability in put myself in balance or just my lack of luck; it was funny to see how death always returned to me.

Of the all mortal experiences I had lived, that one was the most frightening of them all. I could deal with it if the death was introduced to me as an enemy, or as a result of my inability - as it always had been. But now, it showed himself to me in the form of complete and absolute love - and that alarmed me. How could someone ask for the pain to stop when the person who caused it was the one being that you loved the most in your whole existence? It was strange to know that the same mouth that gave me comfort midst of storms, now caused me such suffering. And even so, all I wanted at this moment was his mouth in mine, promising me that it was ending, that it was going to be over soon and that it would be only the two of us forever.

It began like sea waves - a spasm of unbearable pain and other of deep peace, but now it was just pure agony, it was heavy, as if someone had put tons over my body. I wanted to die, just ... Die. And still I simply wanted to survive this. Each cell of my body burned in a manner painfully indescribable and I almost felt death claiming my body, but I needed to live - in any way. I needed to know that I could see the love of my life's face once again.

At least just one last time.