Disclaimer: Disney owns it all! sniff
Chapter 1
BANG ... BANG ... BANG ... BANG
No one would have ever guessed it, but the strange noise resembling something hard being smacked against something hard was actually the sound of Elizabeth Swann's head being frequently banged against the big mast of the Black Pearl.
"It all…" BANG "…could've ended…" BANG "…so much…" BANG "…better!"
Fear not, dear reader, that our beloved heroine suffers from an incurable and yet unknown brain disease, although the phase she is currently going through does resemble a terrible case of epilepsy.
No, the diagnosis for the future Mrs Turner is the "I-kissed-Jack-Sparrow-and-strangely-felt-a-warm-tingling-sensation"-syndrome. The banging is a typical after-effect. It will fade. Sometime.
"Whas'at, luv? Havin' a hard time?"
Oh yes. HE. Captain Jack Sparrow. Swaggering, nuzzling, drag-queen, rum-addict. Pirate.
"Shut up, flea-ball!"
"Oi! That's an extremely un-nice thing to call the man who saved your life, who is going to save your fiancé's life and who is the current object of your very own virginal desire."
The banging stopped and Elizabeth Swann turned to look at the man, who had just spoken the words she never wanted to hear, but which were, undeniably and unfortunately, true.
BANG…BANG…BANG
"Luv, please stop tha'. T'makes you look stupid and doesn't enhance your feminine grandeur."
The banging stopped again and Elizabeth turned her head towards Jack.
"I…", she started with a furious undertone, narrowing her eyes to slits. "I would very much appreciate it, Captain Sparrow, if you…" She hesitated.
"…If I helped you enlarge that giant bruise on year forehead, by assisting you with the banging?", Jack Sparrow offered gaily.
"If you left this instant."
"Oh." Slight frown. "Why?"
"Because…" She inhaled sharply. "Because I cannot guarantee that I won't hit you unimaginably hard once you come any closer."
"Oh, well, Luv, I'm used to hittin', tha's for sure."
"Not to mine."
Jack Sparrow moved closer until mere inches were separating them and whispered with a challenging grin on his face: "Try me."
Well, he shouldn't have said that, because the smack that instantly followed was so brain-smashingly hard that he didn't even notice he'd fallen onto the floor until he saw the blue Caribbean sky hovering above him.
"Did I really deserve that?"
But no one answered.
Miss Swann (future Mrs Turner, Jack thought grimly) had left the deck. Hence the banging had stopped.
And Jack Sparrow resumed getting rid of annoying extra-weight. This activity is also called "drinking rum" in othe parts of the world.
TBC
