Summary: Arthur had lost little Arthur. His destiny was shattered.


A Pointless Existence (Part 1: A Cruel Truncation) by frostygossamer


They brought Arthur home on a hurdle, unconscious and covered in blood.

The Chimera had been terrorising Camelot for three days and nights.

Finally Arthur had girded on his armour and bravely sallied forth to tackle the deadly female foe, part lioness, part goat, part serpent, alone.

The Chimera was dead, felled by Arthur's sword, but Arthur was wounded, it seemed, almost unto death.

Arthur was borne into his private chambers and laid out on his bed, where his faithful servant removed his armour, his boots and his ripped and ragged outer clothing, while the Court Physician examined his wounds and did what little he could for his patient.

X

Uther paced the corridor outside his son's room, angry and impatient. Lady Morgana, meanwhile, sat composed, keeping her own counsel and suppressing a smirk.

At length the door opened and Gaius emerged looking grave. He closed the door softly behind him.

"I have examined the prince, very thoroughly, sire", he told Uther. "And you will be glad to know that, contrary to appearances, his wounds are none of them likely to prove fatal. All but one I am confident will heal without permanent complication. And that one serious wound, well...".

Gaius shuffled and sought about for the right words.

"Out with it, man!", roared Uther, irritated by his dithering. "Is my son and heir going to recover or not, for the love of heaven?"

"Oh indeed!", Gaius replied, perking up. "Arthur will recover. I'm sure of that. But..."

"But what?", Uther snapped, getting exasperated.

Gaius glanced at Lady Morgana, then leant close to King Uther's ear and whispered a few words.

"What?", Uther yelled. "By all the Gods, No!"

He struggled to regain his composure, "Can nothing be done to repair this... this calamity?"

"Regretfully no, sire", Gaius replied. "Not even with the most advanced of modern-day medicine, I'm afraid."

"Bah!", Uther cried, and stormed away, growling to himself as he went.

Morgana stood up and looked at Gaius questioningly. Gaius only shook his head, so she scuttled off down the corridor after the king.

Gaius went back into Arthur's room. Merlin had Arthur under the bedcovers now and was gently mopping his brow with a damp cloth. Arthur was still out cold.

"It's a terrible shame", Gaius said sadly. "He had his whole life ahead of him."

"But he's going to be alright, isn't he?", Merlin asked, his eyes full of concern.

"Of course he is", Gaius replied, patting Merlin on the shoulder. "But he's going to need your support and understanding, Merlin. It isn't going to be easy for him".

X

"What is wrong with Arthur?", Morgana wondered. "What could it be that isn't fit for me to hear?"

Uther had stomped off to his chamber and was sitting at his table with his head in his hands as Morgana approached unnoticed. He was mumbling to himself incensed, so she paused at the door and listened for a moment, trying to catch his words.

"I can't believe my bad luck", he muttered. "Such dreadful ill fortune for Camelot. My son is alive but ruined. Will Arthur be fit to succeed me as king in this sorry condition? Hardly! Perhaps I should make Morgana my heir in his place? Woman or eunuch? Eunuch or woman? Which would be the best of a bad lot?"

Morgana was so shocked by what she overheard that she had to put her hand over her mouth to stifle a squeak. She smirked wickedly. So Arthur might be out of the running for future ruler of Camelot. Wonderful! If Uther made her Crown Princess in his place, she would get her heart's desire without bloodshed. What marvellous news! Poor useless Arthur! Ha Ha Ha!

She picked up her long velvet skirts and tripped off giggling.

X

Arthur slept until the following day and dutiful Merlin slept on a chair by his bedside, anxious to be there when he awoke.

As the first beams of daylight crept into the chamber, Arthur stirred. His body was sore and aching and he winced as he shifted under the covers. Merlin, who was half draped over the side of the bed, woke at his movement and smiled sleepily. Then he remembered his reason for being there and sat up, shaking his head awake.

"Arthur?", he asked quietly.

"Merlin?", Arthur mumbled back. "Where am I? Am I alive?"

"Yes, of course you're alive, Arthur. Alive and well", Merlin assured him. "Just a few knocks. Nothing too bad. Nothing too serious", he lied.

Arthur tried to sit up and promptly lay down again. The pain in his nether region was too much.

"Lie still", Merlin hissed, trying to sound soothing. "It's just the stitches. It's already healing."

"What's already healing?", Arthur demanded, suddenly worried. He grabbed the blankets and lifted them to look beneath. The uncharacteristically animal scream that followed was heard throughout the castle. Deer in the Forest of Camelot stopped their munching and turned to each other big-eyed with fear.

"This can't be true", he gasped, now feeling almost faint.

"It's not so bad", Merlin lied. "You're well. You'll heal. It's only a minor deficiency."

"Minor?", Arthur snapped. "I've been unmanned, Merlin. I might as well be dead!"

"Don't talk like that, Arthur", Merlin said calmly, squeezing his hand. "No one knows. Well only me, Gaius and your father. We can just pretend that nothing is wrong. You'll see. It'll be fine."

Arthur closed his eyes, willing this to be a dream.

"Get some sleep. You need your strength", Merlin commanded, tucking the blankets up around Arthur's neck.

"I'll go and get you some soup", and he patted Arthur's chest. "I'll put some apple brandy in it. That'll make you feel better."

Arthur whimpered unhappily.

X

A couple of weeks later Morgana was in her chamber, singing as she chose an outfit for her crowning ceremony. Not that Uther had discussed anything with her yet, but he was sure to choose her over a, well, curtailed Arthur, wasn't he?

Arthur appeared in the doorway and leant against the doorpost watching her for a while.

"Already planning to step into my shoes?", he asked sarcastically.

"Well I wasn't planning to try on your shoes but, in the circumstances, maybe you might fancy trying on some of mine", she said bitchily.

Arthur winced. "You'll never be Queen of Camelot while I'm still around, Morgana", he declared.

"Well", Morgana replied, flouncing out of the room, right past him. "One of us was born to be a queen. One of us just came to it lately."

X

"You can't do this, father", Arthur yelled, standing before his father in the otherwise empty council chamber. "You can't demote me and promote Morgana over my head. You can't make her the heir to Camelot. I've worked too hard for this. I've risked my life too many times. I've sacrificed, sacrificed so much. It isn't just."

"I have to do what's best for Camelot, Arthur", Uther replied firmly. "I have no choice. Camelot needs a strong ruler, a powerful leader. And you're not... whole. The rumours will soon be all over the castle. My boy, you're not fit to be king."

Arthur cursed loudly. His father frowned.

"I have to think of the future", Uther continued. "Morgana will be able to make a dynastic marriage, to cement an alliance, and provide a rightful heir. Arthur, you cannot give Camelot either of these things."

"I won't just stand by and see this happen", Arthur declared angrily.

"You have no choice", was Uther's bitter reply. "Camelot needs a King Arthur, not a Queen Martha."

Deeply wounded by that unbelievably cruel remark, Arthur fled the room, fuming.

X

Feeling so dejected that a lesser man would have wept, Arthur sought out Guinevere for comfort. He found her in her little home, busy sewing, when he knocked on her door. Guinevere rose immediately and let him in.

"Oh, Arthur. Hello", she said sweetly, standing back to let him enter. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm well", he replied. "That is well but not happy. My father means to disinherit me and I don't know what to do. The worst of it is, I can understand how he feels."

"Poor boy", Guinevere whispered, taking his hand. "It's such a rotten shame. I was so sorry when Merlin told me. I was just saying to Lancelot..."

"Lancelot isn't supposed to know", Arthur interrupted. "None of the knights are. And Merlin wasn't supposed to tell you, or anyone else. How am I supposed to have any authority around here if everybody knows. Damn!"

"Merlin knew I would want to know, and Lancelot won't tell anyone", she assured him. "I just told him because he kept insisting that I had to make up my mind about my feelings. About how I feel about him and about you. He was jealous. I told him he didn't need to be, anymore."

"So you've chosen him over me? In my hour of need?", Arthur asked, disappointed.

"I'm sorry, Arthur", she explained. "But you can never be a husband or a father now, my love."

And she shed a little tear.

X

When Merlin walked into Arthur's chamber a few minutes later, carrying Arthur's lunch, he was wearing a cheery smile. He always took pains to assume one when he went to see Arthur, just so he wouldn't see that he was worried about him.

Two feet into the room he dropped his tray and ran to Arthur's side. Arthur was sitting in his armchair with his chest bared and the point of his dagger pressed against his heart.

"Don't try to stop me, Merlin", Arthur cried. "I'll be better off dead than going on living like this. A gelding. Something less than a real man. Something not fit to be a husband, a father or a king."

Merlin's eyes flashed and the dagger span out of Arthur's hand.

"Don't ever try that again", Merlin gasped. "You're a prince, Arthur, and you're destined to be king. Just have faith. Everything is going to turn out fine."

"It's hopeless, Merlin", Arthur sobbed.

Merlin placed a comforting hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"Nothing is ever hopeless", Merlin insisted. "I have contacts. I will find a solution. I promise you, Arthur, that I will do everything in my power to save this situation. I'm not giving up on you, my prince. I have total faith in you. You will be king some day, I know it. Don't give up. Camelot needs you. I need you."

Arthur smiled sadly and placed a hand on Merlin's. "You are my strength, Merlin. Without you my existence would be completely pointless", he said.

X

Merlin hurried along to his room to gather some things for a little journey. Gaius was in his workroom and looked up as he entered.

"Where are you going in such a rush, Merlin my boy?", he asked.

"I have a quest", Merlin replied. "I have to go and find something to cure Arthur of his terrible misfortune before he loses all hope. His spirits are very low."

"There is no cure for a lost... limb, Merlin", Gaius said sensibly.

"There is no cure without magic", Merlin declared. "So I mean to seek out the magic that will restore Arthur to his former virile state."

"And where do you expect to find that?", Gaius asked.

"I have no idea", Merlin admitted. "But I shall ask the Great Dragon. He, if anybody, should know, if there is anything to know."

"It may be a dangerous quest", Gaius warned.

"Danger is nothing", Merlin insisted bravely. "Arthur and I are two sides of one coin. If Arthur cannot fulfil his destiny then neither can I. I must save him, or die in the attempt. He is everything to me."

"Look after him till I return, Gaius", he told his mentor and left.

TBC


A/N: Part 2 contains a little magic and some love from the one who values Arthur most. Please read on.