Hello everyone. This is another Pokeshipping story but it's different because it tackles a genre I've never attempted before. It's my first attempt at a psychological story. I've been wanting to write one for a long time and the right idea finally came along. PLEASE review and tell me what you think. I hope you like it.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Pokemon franchise


You're not her…

This phrase occupied his thoughts frequently now. The first time it had popped into his mind was when he saw a random passerby in Petalburg City. She had short orange-red hair and was about her height and in his surprise, he called her name, or what he assumed to be her name. When the girl turned around with a confused expression on her face, he realized he had been mistaken. She had brown eyes and her hair was in a slightly different style. He had apologized and continued on his way.


The next time was when he had his first dream about her since they'd been apart. They were under a cherry blossom tree and they were about to kiss…and he had nearly kissed someone else in real life. May had woken up before their lips could touch and had woken him up.

"You're not her," he said out loud, confused as to why his angel didn't look anything like herself.

"I'm not who Ash?" May asked.

"You're not…" he trailed off and then realization hit him as to what had likely happened. He apologized again and told May to forget the whole incident.

Brock had been made aware of the situation but Ash refused to talk about it. Since then, the phrase would be on his mind every time he looked at May and sad longing would fill him. You're not her…

When that idiotic couple had proclaimed them lovebirds, both Ash and May were embarrassed but Ash was more furious at the suggestion that he could ever love anyone else other than his Misty. How could they even conceive of such a ridiculous notion? That couple didn't know him. They didn't know his heart. May was nothing like her. She didn't have the right eyes, she didn't have the right hair, the right build, the right personality, she wasn't her!

Ash was glad when the situation was over with and thankfully, May seemed to feel the same way.

When Misty had come to visit him, he was overjoyed though he didn't show it. Their time together was heaven for him, but she had to leave again, all too soon and he was too afraid to let her know his feelings, again. When she was out of his sight, Ash almost instinctively looked at May and for the first time, he felt resentment at the fact that May and Misty were nothing alike and for the first time, the phrase was thought in anger. You're not her!


When May and Max had to leave, Ash went home briefly to say goodbye to his mother and started off on Sinnoh. Dawn was his new traveling companion and for the first few days, things were fine. One morning, he took a moment to study her features. He didn't know why, something just possessed him to give Dawn a closer look. That was the first time he noticed the color of her eyes and the comparison was immediate.

They're not the same color. The blue is a different hue.

It was in that moment that every little difference between Dawn and Misty made itself apparent and the phrase once again entered his mind. You're not her…

At first, it was a sad thought but soon the sadness was replaced by resentment. You're not her! Why couldn't she be here instead of you?

He was shocked by his own thoughts. This was a new friend and he was ungrateful just because his love wasn't there? After berating himself and mentally apologizing to Dawn, he made sure the phrase stayed out of his mind as much as possible. Unfortunately, on nights when he would dream about Misty, the phrase would creep in when he would wake up and look over at Dawn.


There was one point that he had no qualms about using the phrase. They were fishing and Ash was using one of the only treasures he had left of her, the special lure she had given him. Dawn had rather ungraciously asked to use it, saying "can I give that thing a try?"

Ash of course had flat out refused and it wasn't just because of how she asked the question. A thing? That thing had a name and he was very annoyed that Dawn showed so little respect for something that meant the world to him. But more than that, he was outraged that she had tried to take it from him or even that she'd asked to use it.

He fumed about it later that day. How dare she! First she minimizes its significance by referring to it simply as a thing, and then she has the nerve to try and TAKE it from me!

What Dawn didn't know was that the lure had much more than Misty's likeness, it had her memory too. Whenever he looked at it, he would always recall all the precious moments he'd spent with her. He was very selfish when it came to her memory and for Dawn to try to take that away from him was an outrage.

Speaking of Misty, while on the journey with Dawn, she didn't come. It hurt him but he hoped she would be there when he got home.

She wasn't.


Now he was in Isshu, with yet another female companion and her name was Iris. He initially got off to a rocky start with her, considering he thought she was a pokémon when he first saw her and tried to capture her. After that, he learned that she had an attitude slightly reminiscent of Misty and was even a gym leader like her.

Something clicked in his mind. Since they shared similarities, Ash, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps intentionally out of desperation and longing, began to pretend that Iris was Misty, if only for short times, every day. It made things easier, though he had to be careful not to call out the wrong name.

One night, everything changed. He was having another dream about Misty and this time, he was murmuring (and in some cases, moaning) her name in his sleep. This noise woke Iris and she went over to see what was wrong.

"Ash, Ash wake up," she said, slightly shaking him.

"Huh?" he asked, slowly opening his eyes. Still half-asleep, he didn't see Iris as who she was, but as his love come back to him.

"Misty…" he said, smiling at her.

"Misty? Ash, I'm not-" she started.

"Shhh…I'm so glad you're back," he said, sitting up and eye level with her now.

"But Ash, I never left. I'm not Misty," Iris tried again.

Ash wasn't listening, but instead moving his face closer to hers, in preparation to kiss her. Iris saw what was going on and backed up. I need to get him awake now!

"Ash, you're not yourself! Wake up!" She shook him hard, several times.

This time, Ash became fully aware of his surroundings and when he saw Iris's face in front of him instead of Misty's, something snapped inside of him. His eyes narrowed and he said in a low voice the phrase that had been a mantra in his head ever since Misty left.

"You're not her…"

Figuring that the "her" referred to Misty, Iris nodded. "You're right Ash, I'm not," she said.

Maybe it was because his comforting illusion had been broken or maybe he was finally going crazy from missing Misty, but hearing this confirmation only made him angrier. He repeated the phrase, this time louder. "You're not her!"

Iris was now confused. "I know…Ash, is something wrong?" she asked, moving closer to him.

Ash moved away from Iris, still glaring. His mind was overwhelmed with grief, disappointment and resentment and as a result, he no longer saw Iris as a friend, but as a stranger, one that was trying to take Misty's place. "What are you doing here? Who are you?"

Now Iris was confused and slightly frightened. Ash was acting really weird. "Ash, I'm Iris. You remember me don't you?"

Ash looked at her in confusion for a moment and then fiercely shook his head. "I don't know anyone named Iris."

Now the girl was really becoming concerned. She started to crawl over to him, but he just backed away.

"Stay away from me!" he said. How did this girl know his name when he had no idea who she was?

Iris looked hurt. Had he really forgotten who she was? Come to think of it, she didn't recall him ever mentioning who this Misty was. She reached over and grabbed his shoulders.

"Ash, look at me. Don't you recognize me at all?" she asked.

No, I don't! Why are you so close to me? Why are you touching me? Ash's expression was one of panic. There was only one person he wanted to do those things and she wasn't it. He shoved Iris away and she landed on her side.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" he shouted.

Iris looked at him with wide, frightened eyes. Whatever was wrong with him, she'd only made it worse. "Ash…"

"I told you to stay away from me! I don't know who you think you are, but you're not someone I recognize. You're not a friend and you're not her!"

That phrase was beginning to unnerve Iris because every time he said it, Ash got more hysterical. "Ash, what do you see when you look at me?" she asked.

Ash regarded the strange girl carefully for a moment and then his eyes narrowed again. "Someone that I don't want to see," he said.

Iris felt tears spring to her eyes. That had really hurt. "…Why?" was all she managed to get out.

Ash's eyes narrowed even more. The answer should've been obvious. "Because you're NOT HER!" he practically shouted again. "She's the only one I want to see lying next to me! She's the only one I want touching me! You're completely different from her so why would I want to see you? "

Now, she was crying. "Ash, I don't understand. I'm your friend!" she yelled.

"I told you before, I have no idea who you are! Now leave me alone! I don't wanna see you and I don't wanna hear you! All I want is her and YOU'RE NOT HER!"

That was all Iris could take. She ran into her tent and sobbed. Once she was gone, Ash went back over to his sleeping bag and soon drifted into slumber, dreaming of Misty.